Doing Good, Wiping, and Being Quiet

An old peanut butter jar decorated with stickers and containing some shredded packing wood pulp = a Good Deeds jar for Advent! Even as of last Lent half a year ago, John was not old enough to understand the concept of doing good deeds for something (last Lent: good deeds earned them pennies to give as alms at Easter). But this year suddenly he is with the program! I explained how it worked to the kids, emphasizing how good deeds are even more special when someone does something without asking or does it anonymously. Then I went to do a chore and I heard rustling in my laundry room: I discovered John trying to maneuver the canister vacuum by himself and he asked, "Mama, would vacuuming for you be a good deed?" So cute! The rest of the day was a flurry of John trying to find good deeds to do. And this morning a fight nearly broke out between the kids about who would wash which parts of the toilet ("No, I want to clean the inside of the toilet!") until I assured them that all children cleaning the toilet would get pieces of hay for doing a good deed.

I have discovered making homemade baby wipes. Margaret has been my first rashy baby. When she began getting tough diaper rashes, I had to learn how to treat them because John and Mary had never or almost never had rashes. But Margaret's rashes would never completely go away, just ebb and flow with treatment of zinc oxide 16% and an anti-fungal cream. I even consulted our pediatrician and tried several $10-per-tube specialty creams that were recommended. After months of this, more digging around showed me that perhaps the commercial wipes I was using were part of the problem: second ingredient alcohol! I know how drying alcohol is on my adult skin: just using alcohol gel on my hands the few times a week I'm out and about leaves my hands cracked and sometimes bleeding in the winter. And that is the hardened skin of adult hands! I'm really rather amazed that I've been wiping alcohol on my baby's sensitive, thin skin up to a dozen times a day (and have done this for three babies now).

So I sewed some flannel wipes and made a batch of homemade spray (2 cups water, one tablespoon castille soap, one tablespoon olive oil, 1-2 drops tea tree oil for antibacterial properties). Finally, my sweet girl's behind was healthy! With the commercial wipes removed from the equation, the zinc oxide and anti-fungal could do the job and Margaret's skin was healthy within the week and has remained healthy for the whole subsequent week, longer than ever before.

Now the only trouble was that using the cloth wipes was a real hassle, especially since I am using disposable diapers, so not doing loads of cloth diapers anyway. I had to launder my cloth wipes nightly just to have enough for the next day. And I have yet to find out how to use cloth-anything for diapering purposes without making my house smell like a cat litter box--and I had cats for 30 years and their cat litter boxes smelled better than my diapers pails even when I laundered cloth diapers nightly. So, that remains a mystery and it's too bad because I'm really fond of cloth.

So, today I switched to paper towel "wipes" (using soft Viva brand) with my spray and I'm so pleased! I could not find a container in which to store pre-soaked paper towels, but then I realized I could just store a roll of dry paper towels plus my spray bottle in a plastic bag and I'll be all ready to go. I haven't figured out how to take wipes like this on the go, but for the few times I'm out and about with the kids for extended periods, probably not too much harm would be done by using commercial wipes at those times.

There are many web pages about making your own wipes, but the one I like best so far is from Kitchen Stewardship.

I have a new Quiet Time strategy that might be a winner: keeping both kids together and in the den with an audio book. The joke around here is that daily Quiet Time is rarely quiet for Mama because I'm spending all my time putting Miss Mary back into her room, repairing the mischief she did, and defending John from Mary having invaded his room. It seems that despite my failure for 18 months running at getting Mary to stay in her bedroom, she will stay on the blue mat, while John is confined to a sofa. (I think Mary simply desperately hates to be alone, which makes Quiet Alone Time tough.) Right now we're listening to Paddington Bear on CD from the library and it is delightful: I hadn't remembered from my childhood that Paddington is "from the darkest Peru"! What fun.

Family Nature Walk on Sunday

Playing at the Nature Center after our walk

Advent 2011

The purple wreath hangs on the door

The Advent calendar is taped to the window (because the windows are translucent when opened). Goal: Open each "door" first thing in the morning, read the line of Scripture, and give the children one chocolate candy each.

You will note that the Advent paper chain is suspended from an old drapery rod above the kitchen picture window. Why? Because that was the only place I thought would be high enough that Mary could not get it down. Did that work? No. She already found a way to get the chain down and she carefully tore off every pink paper (which I later stapled anew). Go back and look how high that chain is!

Goal: After breakfast and dressing in the morning, start School Time by hanging the ornament on the Jesse Tree and reading the appropriate Scripture of Jesus' genealogy.

Then move on to the Holy Heroes Advent Adventure: This is a wonderful program I will receive by email each day. It contains a few short (2-3 minute) videos, coloring pages, and other little activities to print out. I love that the program is entirely designed and handed to me.

Goal: Read delightful Christmas books often!

The two nativity scenes are up, both safe to be played with. When I took these photos the children were having afternoon quiet time, which marks the first and last time all the nativity scene characters will be neat and orderly.

Goal: Teach the children about doing good deeds for family members and others: Each time Daddy or I know of a child doing a good deed, he or I will give a piece of straw to the child to place in Baby Jesus' creche to make it soft for him when he (the doll) is placed in it on Christmas.

Goal: Light the appropriate Advent candle(s) each night at dinner time and let it burn while we are eating. Pray the short Advent prayers at that time.

Where did the television set go?!

Advent is a penitential season, a "mini Lent," a time of waiting and preparing our hearts for the joyous birth of our Savior. Some Catholics make sacrifices or work on correcting faults / improving virtues at this time. Our family is going to be further reducing television (since this isn't a "crisis" time when I'm sick with pregnancy or newly postpartum): our goal is for the children to watch a 30-minute show three days a week, to have 30 minutes of computer time the other two days, and none on weekends, plus for Mommy and Daddy not to be watching TV either.

And Mommy is going to be cutting down on Internet time! Being inspired by a friend of mine who did this for Lent about three years ago, I am going to try to stay off the computer when the children are (1) awake and (2) in my care. Wish me the best with that. (I think my heart is having palpitations.)

As always: I make a lot of great plans for domestic liturgy and I don't succeed at implementing them 100%. But I continue to give the old college try!

Ouch!

Do you know how many times in the last few days I've commented to Chris with a lack of cheerfulness, shall we say, "This baby is never going to sleep again."

She's been taking very few naps, and what naps she finally manages to take last 45 minutes or even far less. This makes her quite crabby throughout the day because she is tired. Overnight, she has been waking often all night: about every 45 minutes. For a week she's been waking for the day around 4:30 a.m., which means so have I.

Surprise, surprise (which it shouldn't have been), this morning I discovered that Margaret's top right tooth cut through (those are so big!) and the top left tooth is pushing hard against the gums. No wonder!

I know that her sleep will probably remain really poor while the other tooth is coming through, but at least I'll feel more sympathy for her, knowing the reason.

Miscellaneous on Saturday

I find that keeping track of shoes for little people who cannot keep track of shoes themselves to be tedious and frustrating. How many times am I walking out the door, trying to shod their little feet, nobody can find the shoes they want, they're running all over the house, looking here, looking there? (This partially accounts for my living in a Bermuda Triangle of Lost Time.) So, I set up a Shoe Area in the garage a couple of months ago, then reorganized it this weekend. Now all family members' shoes are in one place, and I even placed a bin of the big kids' socks in there after several months of knowing where our shoes were but having to send the kids running back upstairs to retrieve socks. Having a shoe area reduces dirt and germs in the house where the baby crawls on the floor. Chris and I each have a pair of Indoor Only Shoes that we wear inside. The Shoe Area used shelving we already had and repurposed, an old chair I wasn't using, a bench I am borrowing from the kids' cute little picnic bench, and an old indoor/outdoor rug so that our feet aren't cold on the cement.

When John found out that Mary got to polish silver (while he and Daddy were gone), he desperately wanted to do it himself. He asked me all day, such that I actually got out all the supplies late in the evening before bedtime just to satisfy him. This time, instead of using the chemically treated polishing cloths, we used a paste of baking soda and water: it worked very well! The pieces (not previously cleaned) polished up almost to a mirror shine! The Montessori method of polishing calls for using a Q-tip and I thought the children would not have the fine motor skills or patience necessary, but I think it was the very smallness of the Q-tip that caused them to furrow their little brows and concentrate quietly. It was amazing!

When I checked in on the kids tonight, I saw John sleeping in his bed but Mary's bed empty. I asked Chris where Mary was: "She's not in her bed?!" I went back and, no, she was not in her bed. That's when I looked closer at John and saw that Mary was snuggled between him and the wall, both children asleep. This mama's heart melted into a puddle! Those two really are best pals. (Note how John sleeps the first half of each night with his knees up. Isn't that funny?)

New Meal Planning Idea: I am inspired by another mama (and, really, I've heard this suggestion from numerous mamas) to try grocery shopping every two weeks, instead of every week (or, even, multiple times of week like I used to do!). I can waste money on spontaneous purchases only if I step foot into a store (literally or figuratively by shopping online). Don't step into the store, and wasteful spending should go down. Here is my new plan: 1. Continue to receive fresh dairy weekly from milk man. 2. Shop at Costco once monthly. 3. Shop at grocery store every two weeks. Focus on fresh produce the first week of meals, focus on frozen produce the second week.

Obviously, shopping two weeks at a time necessitates meal planning two weeks at a time. I truly hate the chore of meal planning, so perhaps doing it two weeks at a time will be better because I will have to do it less often.

While hunting online for suggestions about meal planning for two weeks at a time, I found a fantastic blog post with some other ideas I am going to try! This mother uses her Gmail calendar for her meal planning! Ingenious, I tell you!

This is what I am trying: I created a Meal Planning sub-calendar in my Gmail calendar. For each evening, I create an event that is my meal plan. In the notes section, I can even paste in the link to an online recipe. I will have a reminder emailed to myself each morning. If I wanted, I could set a meal to repeat (e.g., pizza every Friday night).

I hope that these experiments will continue to improve my meal planning (too bad it doesn't improve my cooking) as well as reduce grocery costs!

Thanksgiving 2011

We hope you had a blessed Thanksgiving!

I notice in the photos I took of our Thanksgiving meal and table that almost every pretty thing in our dining room, in our china hutch, in our sideboards, and on our walls has been a gift to us. This year I made an effort to use my grandmother's silver, cut glass, and linens, which I have inherited and mostly kept locked away because they were "too nice." This is the only earthly life we get and, if we are so fortunate as to be given beautiful table decorations, we would benefit from using them to mark special days and honor loved guests. It is a shame to keep such gifts locked away from sight, as if they are "my precious" (a la "Lord of the Rings"). Indeed, such is living real life that while setting the table I managed to break an item of my grandmother's that had lasted 60 years . . . till now! And this is living real life.

Looking over our Thanksgiving photos and my seeing that truly every beautiful item at the table worth admiring was a gift to me which I didn't earn nor did I deserve made me think of God's many gifts to his creatures: human beings. Whether he gives a person beauty, particular intelligence, inborn talents, health (health at birth, health that lasts), or graces with which to cooperate, these are free gifts which none of us earned and certainly none of us deserve. St. Paul admonishes us not to boast of what we have received: "Who confers distinction upon you? What do you possess that you have not received? But if you have received it, why are you boasting as if you did not receive it?" (1 Corinthians 4:7).

And of all the gifts God has given us, the greatest is this: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life" (John 3:16).

So, on this Thanksgiving day, we remember to say, Thank you, Lord.

Polishing Silver

Polishing her great-grandmother's silver for Thanksgiving: learning to do wholesome work, mother-daughter bonding time, and a Montessori activity all in one!

Preparation and Pies

Mathematics: Traveling with three children under five > (greater work than) Hosting Thanksgiving, ergo, we are hosting Thanksgiving this year! It will be a small affair, but we sure are looking forward to it and I'm getting out much of my grandmother's beautiful table decorations that I have inherited because they are doing nobody any good living stored away in cabinets for all these years because I am too afraid to use them!

Yesterday the children and I baked pies and they were truly useful helpers. We had such a peaceful time. Above, John is explaining what to do.

After dinner, Daddy surprised us by taking us to an old-fashioned diner for dessert to celebrate a really excellent day John had with a virtue we've been working on improving.

Napkins donned, ready to eat!

Bonus Reading: Auntie Leila has written another humorous piece that is full of real wisdom, this one about preparing for Thanksgiving when you are a mother of perhaps a large family, one with many littles in it.

Child Correction Essay and Prayer

A friend of mine gave me a lovely prayer book called "Mothers' Manual" (Aquinas Press). Lately I've actually been successful (radical concept) at morning prayers and night prayers more than half the time (wow!) using this little book, in large part because of the littleness of this book. It is small enough to carry around, the prayers are short enough actually to be prayed during the time the baby is occupied with blocks and in between the two preschoolers breaking out in another fight or getting into mischief that needs mama's tending. We're talking that I might have three whole minutes of on-my-knees prayer time in the morning (in contrast to mental prayer while I work, which St. Paul advises we do all the time).

One section I have found a rich source of meditation and so I thought I'd post it here for my fellow Catholic mamas who might find it useful as well.

This book contains a prayer on child correction. Interestingly, it is the only prayer accompanied by a short essay on the subject. There have got to be nearly one hundred prayers in this book and no other subject comes with a little essay. I reproduce them below and, in a different  color, the questions I ask myself often. My husband and I do not have all the answers (ha ha!), I just ask questions for personal reflection.

Caveat: Of course, a prayer written by an anonymous person is not infallible in a Catholic sense. It is just interesting, food for thought, perhaps written by someone wise, perhaps in line with Catholic teaching. We must always discern these things as best we can.

Essay on Child Correction

The proper correction of a child is one of the primary responsibilities of a parent. "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not swerve from it" (Proverbs 22:6). Even so, unless it is done in love, discipline can wound and even break a child's spirit.

• So, discipline is required. How many times per day do I ignore moments needing discipline so that I can be on the computer, do a chore, talk on the phone, pursue a hobby, or focus on a seeming virtue--e.g., health food that takes tremendous time to prepare and are my children helping me do it, being occupied in wholesome work, or am I ignoring them or putting them in front of the TV so I can work in the kitchen alone and efficiently?--that I am elevating above my children's souls? 
• What is the balance of time?
• Discipline can be done well or poorly or something in between. It is not that the more/stronger the discipline, the better, or that the more absent/weaker the discipline, the better.

God has chosen you from all eternity to raise and nurture your children. Since your discipline will affect your child's character for the rest of his or her life, it is very important to carry out this responsibility wisely and appropriately.

• How many of my day's tasks will affect something for the rest of one's life? Is decorating the house or sewing something lovely or making a gourmet meal going to affect anything for the rest of one's life?
• If not, am I putting those things ahead of discipline, which will affect my child for the rest of his life?
• Does that mean I can never do anything I want to do because I'm focusing solely on my children?

Your child needs positive eye contact, physical affection, focused attention (one on one time), and appropriate discipline from you. The key to your child's heart is to stay in touch with him or her and not allow a wounded spirit to develop.

• So, I need a key to my child's heart? Why do I need to have a key to his heart? Does having a key to his heart aid in his response to my discipline?
• How often am I staring at a computer screen when my kids ask me a question, not looking in their eyes? Do I find ways to give hugs, tussle hair, and tickle throughout the day? How do I give one-on-one time with each child, albeit very short, when I have three very young children needing nearly constant attention and a husband who travels often for work?

Obedience is the great virtue of childhood, as Jesus showed us: "He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them" (Luke 2:51). Insist on obedience and respect from your children, and treat them with proper dignity in return.

• And, let's not kid ourselves, obedience is the great virtue of adulthood too. All Catholic writing and the Bible agree on that. So, if we are to insist on obedience and respect, that means that--unless we've had a miraculous child born unto us--we parents are going to have to take action: probably a lot of action. I know that around here, insisting on obedience and respect isn't a simple, easy, momentary task. When we do not insist on obedience or respect this time, that instance, or X percentage of the time, what effect/result does that have? Can I get away with not insisting sometimes?
• What do I think it would mean to treat a child in an undignified manner? Does a child merit the exact same treatment as I would give an adult? Do I give all adults the same treatment (friend, stranger, acquaintance, the pope, the president of my country) and, if not, why not? Is there a way to treat children with dignity without treating them as if they were adults?

It is a mistake to correct a child, or even worse, to strike a child, out of anger. When you need to discipline, do so with self-control and dignity, and your child will be far more likely to respond.

• I see that the author is not saying that it is a mistake to correct a child or a mistake to strike a child. (Just quoting with the language 'strike,' which is probably an old-fashioned usage that jars our ears. What does 'strike' mean to me?) The author is saying that it is a mistake to do those things out of anger. What do my husband and I think of that?
• Do our opinions match with the Bible and with Catholic writing? Does an examination of Catholic writing over a couple of thousand years reveal the same line of thought about discipline or great variation? Has it changed recently? Have we always been wrong, or are some writings now wrong? 
• Do I behave with self-control? With dignity? Could I behave with self-control and dignity if a police officer were correcting me? And, if the answer is yes, why do I sometimes behave like a child out-of-control and throwing a tantrum when my children challenge me? 
• What does it communicate to a child when I lose my self-control so easily that I am screaming? Or worse, if one were to swear or say unkind things to the children? How is a child, with far less experience and maturity than me, supposed to maintain his own self-control when I cannot?

Only God can give you the patience, wisdom, and courage to discipline your child properly and lovingly. A moment of prayer or deliberation can defuse a fearful or angry temper and give you the grace to administer a prudent and profitable discipline.

• I find it easy to think that a parent needs patience and wisdom to discipline properly. But it is an interesting idea that one needs courage to discipline properly. That implies that proper discipline--which is what? effective? not useless?--might be difficult for the parent, even cause fear for the parent: the parent needs courage.
• And, do I ever pray before I discipline? Do I pray at the beginning of each day for moments of child correction that will come all day? Do I ever take even ten seconds to pray before administering a specific correction? Do I think that might help me?

If you do fail, ask forgiveness and try again. Be encouraged! God is more concerned about your child's development than you are, and He will help you!

• God truly is more concerned about my child's soul than am I, so I need to look to God for help often.

Prayer for the Grace to Properly Correct a Child

Dear Heavenly Father, all authority comes from You. In giving my husband and me the gift of parenthood, You have also conferred on us the holy and serious responsibility of not provoking our children to anger, but of bringing them up in Your training and instruction.

• Do I believe that all authority comes from God? If not, why not? If I believe that I have authority that does not come from a Being higher than me, what does my ultimate authority look like? And then who has authority over me?
• If I believe all authority comes from God, then what does that mean for me?
•  What does it mean to not provoke our children to anger? If discipline is necessary, requires courage, must be effective, yet we know that the slightest correction usually causes a toddler or preschooler to fly into a rage, then what does it mean to not provoke them to anger?

Help me not to shirk this duty, but to fulfill it according to Your Will. May I always remember that in giving correction I stand in Your place. Help me to discipline in a calm, motherly manner, with a firm but caring hand.

• Discipline as duty! Do I believe it is a duty? Or do I think I've been given children with no duty to discipline them?
• My standing in the place of God! Is the way I am behaving forming certain visions of God for my children? Right perceptions of God or wrong? Perceptions of God that will draw my children closer to Him or further from Him? Is God merciful and just? Only merciful? Only just?

Help me to remember to pray before I discipline. May may child actually draw nearer to me through appropriate discipline and grow into the person You have created him/her to be.

• I find it a radical concept that a child would draw nearer to the parent through discipline. What does that say of the manner of discipline? Is it a drawing nearer to the parent in the moment? If so, I suspect the discipline is not actually being effective because most normal children, burdened by Original Sin as we all are, are not happy and thrilled in the moment of being denied what they want to do.
• So, is the child drawing nearer to the parent through discipline in the long-term? How long?
• Second, the above implies that children are not born already formed to perfection. They actually need forming to grow into what God intended. From whence does that forming come? Do I parent in a way that assumes children are born perfection, tainted only by the world to which they are exposed (a radically anti-Christian concept)? Or do I parent in a way that assumes that children are born needing character formation?

Dear Mother Mary, please help me, a mother like you, to lovingly guide and discipline my children. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Family Pride

Our kids have discovered "bathroom talk"--you know, the ridiculous talk about bodily functions that makes them peal with laughter? Really, we're grateful it's taken almost five years before one of them figured out that this stuff was funny.

So, the last few days the kids have been doing this bathroom talk and we've been trying to nip it in the bud. (I know: all the more experienced parents are laughing at our naivete here.) Simultaneously, Daddy and I have been trying a new tactic about behavior in general by appealing to family pride. (Hopefully a licit pride, not bad pride!) About something naughty I might throw out there, "Oh, no, don't do XYZ. L----s don't do that."

Tonight I was walking out of John's bedroom when I heard Mary whisper conspiratorially, "John, let's play that game where we say [insert edited bathroom talk here]."

I paused outside the door to eavesdrop.

John: "No."

Mary: "Why not?"

John: "Because L----s don't do bathroom talk."

Mary (disappointed): "Oh yeah, that's right."

Sources of Catholic Homilies Online

I enjoy and find it very edifying to listen to excellent homilies by Catholic priests while I cook in the kitchen, so I make time to do that several times per week. My computer is on the kitchen counter and we've hooked up little speakers to it to increase the volume. I certainly benefit from good Catholic teaching and I can feel confident that nothing will be said that is inappropriate for my children to overhear, since the homily was written to be spoken in Mass, in front of people of all ages. (It's very hard/risky for me to listen to talk radio with the kids around, I save watching any television till they are asleep, and I've given up regular popular music from the radio even for my own self.)

I'd like to share some online sources of what I think are some of the best Catholic homilies online. If anyone would like to offer other websites for the list, please let me know and I will try to keep this post updated (and available in my side bar).

• Homilies from Regina Prophetarum
• Homilies from Luke 11:28
• Homilies from Romans 10:17
• Homilies from Audio Sancto (this site is being shut down, as explained here)
• Homilies from the Immaculate Conception Church (FSSP) in Omaha, Nebraska 
• Homilies from the Church of Our Savior in New York City, NY
• Homilies from Saint Benedict's Chapel (FSSP) in Chesapeake Bay, Virginia 
• Homilies from Sensus Traditionis
• Homilies from St. Stanislaus Oratory (ICK) in Milwaukee, Wisconsin
• Homilies from Traditional Sermons (an extraordinary form parish) 
• Homiles from Fatima Portugal

Maria Lectrix is a source of Catholic audio books online.

Last updated 23 February 2017

Homemade Pancake Mix

When I make pancakes (a couple of times per month), I usually make them from scratch. This is mostly because John never willingly ate pancakes until he discovered them at The Flying Biscuit restaurant. I came home from that fateful day, found a recipe that recreated the flavor and texture, and John has been a fan of my homemade pancakes since!

But I do keep a bag of store-bought pancake mix around for when we want pancakes and I'm rushing around or feeling lazy. This morning Mary asked for pancakes and I used up my pancake mix. I thought to myself that I would add pancake mix to my grocery list, but was then inspired: why couldn't I just make my own mix? Maybe there is a reason I don't know about, so I tried it.

I put in all the dry ingredients of my favorite recipe into jars, tripling the recipe.

And I wrote instructions on the jars of how to assemble the mix with wet ingredients. (It occurs to me that, if one wanted, one could even use dry milk powder in the mix, then just add water, egg, and oil.)

I imagine that I could keep up with this with virtually no extra time: These mixes will get me through three pancake mornings. Then the next time I want to make pancakes, I could get out all the ingredients, make a giant batch (say, quadrupling), cook one share, and put the remaining three shares into the jars and put them away.

It's Going So Fast!

Margaret is up to crawling at medium speed now: steady pace and she can crawl all over the house. I actually have to shut doors now or she makes a beeline for the open door to go exploring (sometimes fine, sometimes not). This may be the first baby with whom I don't use baby gates, simply because I don't know how I'd manage them with 3- and 5-year-old kids also needing to move about the house: so, that will be interesting for me to figure out.

Two days ago Margaret stood by herself and held it for two seconds. You should have seen her beaming with accomplishment.

Then today I was mopping in the kitchen and noticed the baby crawling away to explore. Upon hearing delighted cackling beyond the dining room and around the bend, I went to investigate and Margaret was very much trying to make her way up the stairs.

 

She is eight months old tomorrow. Where did my little baby go? Each baby seems to be growing up at more lightening speed than the last one!

Advent and Christmas Preparation

My friend Julie wrote a fabulous post on her blog about celebrating Advent and Christmas with children. She provides so much information and resources, I am not even going to write such a post myself but am going to direct my readers over there.

Right here.

There you go. Advent starts in eight days, so let's get cracking!

Julie is an amazing mother of 11 so far, and she works a farm, and she runs a business (here!), and she can get her brood to a 7:00 a.m. Mass.

And she's a real person! I swear! She's just really cool.

Bermuda Triangle of Lost Time

12:10: "Okay, kids! Gather round! We are leaving for Art Class in 30 minutes. We hardly have anything to do, so this is going to be easy. Kids, I want you to straighten up the den while I straighten up the kitchen. Ready, set, go!"

12:20: "Wow, that was super. We've picked up and we're almost ready to go. All we need are potty checks, coats, socks, and shoes. We might as well be early to class for once." (Mama is envisioning how we will be so early that the kids will frolic in the grass quadrangle for 15 minutes until class begins.)

12:45: walking out to the van (and you know it takes five more minutes to load on a good day), Mama thinks: 'What on earth? How did we start with 20 minutes to do what would take me three minutes to do for myself, and yet now we're late, as always?'

1:10: walking into Art Class, ten minutes late, as usual.

You know, when I was single, people joked that they could set a clock by me, I was so timely. Since having kids, I find myself--organized though I am--circling in some kind of Bermuda Triangle of Lost Time that makes me late no matter how early I start to get us ready.

So, if you invite us over to your house for dinner or something, I apologize in advance. We're going to be late.

Patience in the Moment

Motherhood challenges the patience in serious, frequent, and unremitting ways. Five years into it and I feel like I can say just a tiny bit about it, although still have so much to learn.

As a Christian, I am to fulfill the duties according to my God-given vocation (which, in my case, right now, is being a wife and a mother-of-children [versus mother-of-adults]) in a thoughtful, diligent, patient manner. (I'm not taking the time to cite Scripture, Church tradition, saints, or the Catechism, but I don't think people would disagree with me.)

One aspect of this (perhaps deserving its own blog post) is fulfilling the duties of my vocation . . . not the duties of another person's vocation, and of my vocation right now, not my vocation at another time. I don't know about other mothers, but sometimes I feel desires to "escape" by doing things outside my vocation that would make me feel more glorious or more appreciated. For example, sometimes I dream of serving food at a soup kitchen for homeless people instead of serving food at my own kids' dinner table because other people would see my serving at the soup kitchen and think I'm a really fabulous Christian, but there doesn't seem to be as much glory or as many witnesses in my serving mac and cheese to my own children.

But, back to patience. A couple of years ago, I taught myself a trick of resignation (a word that has an inappropriately negative connotation outside of Christian literature) that has helped me grow my patience (from infinitesimal to something more than that). Having read "Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence" approximately a zillion times so far, I've begun making some minute progress in actually surrendering to such providence. We are to praise God in good and in bad (cf. Job). Therefore, the trick I came up with to help myself was that when the plans change awry in an instant, I tell myself, "Oh, so this is what God wants me to be doing right now!"

• I'm trying to serve dinner and Mary pours a cup of chocolate milk on the floor: "Oh, so God wants me to be wiping up chocolate milk!" or ". . . to be teaching a three-year-old how to wipe up her own milk!"
• I've got all the children loaded up in the van and buckled, engine started, when a child announces he needs to use the potty: "Oh, so God wants me to take a child to the potty and be late to our appointment!"
• I want to be writing a blog post but the children break out in a fight about playing Ring Around the Rosey: "Oh, so God wants me to focus on my kids and teach them how to negotiate play nicely and fairly!" (Ask me how I thought of this example.)

And so on.

Maybe such a trick won't help other mothers, but it sure has helped me to stay calm more often instead of busting a gasket.

Then a few days ago, I heard a wonderful perspective--to me like a bolt of lightening--from a mother-friend at a meeting at which we were studying the virtue of Christian patience. She was describing her impatience and audible groans when the children need her attention yet one more time. To paraphrase her as best as I can remember, she said:

"I've realized that it's wrong of me to say, 'I don't have time for this!' The reality is that this is why God has given me time. I have time so that I can teach things to my children . . . over and over and over again."

Whether it is teaching how to tie shoes or how to exercise patience in waiting for attention instead of throwing a tantrum or how to negotiate peacefully instead of hitting your brother, this is why God has given time to us mothers. It is God's providence when to create life and when to end life, so it is with His good pleasure that we are alive right now--and to what purpose? God entrusted these exact souls to these exact parents (mother and father) for us to raise -- not to allow them to grow up passively, like letting a plant grow wild in the garden, growing according to capricious sun and rain.

I've been parenting for only five years and only three kids, so the one thing I am sure of is not being an expert of any sort. But I have found one trick that has helped me in my walk of Christian motherhood for the last couple of years and now a second trick I am going to employ, so I wanted to offer these to my sisters.

1. "Oh, so this is what God wants me to be doing right now!"
2. "This is why God gave me time!"

Mary Writes JOHN

I have only watched two little kids learn to draw so far, but I find the way Mary does it very interesting. I have noticed for months (and considering she just turned three, months is about the duration of her being able to draw recognizable things) that she often draws from the "wrong" perspective but with the picture turning out exactly right/as intended. So, if I normally sit at the bottom of the page and draws a stick person in front of me, with feet at the bottom of the page and head at the top of the page, Mary will sit anywhere (e.g., at either side of the page, at the top of the page) and draw the stick figure so its orientation is correct to the bottom of the page. Surely there has got to be a name for this, but I don't know what it is and I'm not explaining it well. If she's sitting at the top of the page, she'll draw the stick figure's head closest to her, then the body, then the feet furthest away from her, and when she's all done having drawn the figure upside down, she rotates it around and presents it as done. And she'll do that from the side too.

Yesterday we were writing thank you notes for her birthday gifts, so I'd write out some sentences that she spoke and then she would draw some pictures. In the above, she drew in blue a Girl With Dress (rotated sideways) and in black a Dinosaur with Teeth (rotated at an angle) . . . but then she startled me by writing JOHN (well, really she wrote JOOOHN). She has not previously had the fine motor skills to write letters when I'd actually tried to test her.

But most interesting to me is that she was sitting at the bottom of the page (as you, the viewer are sitting), and she wrote John from there, running up along the edge of the page so that it would be read correctly only if the viewer rotated the page 90 degrees.

(Interesting, detailed description of stages of drawing here by Stanford)

Bonus Quote of the Day for Meditation: According to St. Francis de Sales, devotion is "promptness and diligence in the observance of the commandments and the accomplishment of inspired or counseled good works." (emphases mine)

• Do I do my duties? Mostly, yes.
• Do I do my duties promptly and diligently? Hhhhmmmm.
• Additionally, do I do them with the basic Christian virtue of cheerfullness?  !!!!!!!!!

Busy Baby

Trying to crawl up stair steps 

Standing to look for interesting things

Asleep in bouncy seat

Just in the last couple of days, Margaret has been spending much of her time learning to pull up and starting to cruise. She is a fanatic for it, such that she's been having trouble falling asleep! Even when I can see she is so fatigued (even crying with exhaustion), it is time for nap, I can't get her to lay still and nurse (or just lie down in her crib) because she wants to stand and cruise. So yesterday I'd already tried twice to get her down for nap and gave up, setting her in her bouncy seat while I did kitchen chores. With nary a peep, she fell asleep right there and that's where I left her for her nap!

Maybe she just wanted to be able to sleep standing up!

Happy Third Birthday, Mary!

Mary Genevieve's birth day

Mary at one year old

Mary at two years old

Happy third birthday, Mary!

We ate a birthday breakfast of Belgian waffles, bacon, and strawberries.

While this moment of enthusiastic singing was perhaps annoyingly loud, later I found Mary had taken the CD player up to her bedroom, was playing a CD, and was very sweetly singing along into the microphone. It was pretty darned cute.

Fluffy pink cat!

The balloons gave Margaret much incentive to crawl today, as she would creep across the room, grab the balloon, and--oh!--once again the balloon would puff away from her. So frustrating!

New nightgown sewn by Mama

All day I've watched Mary playing with the doll house exactly right: moving the dollies around, making them talk to each other, take baths and stroller rides, and do little things. Meanwhile, I had to explain to John that the dolls are not hammers.

These wonderful wooden saint dolls are from St. Luke's Brush (StLukesBrush) on Etsy, which I want to recommend for its excellent quality, beautiful painting (with faces that actually look like the real saints' faces), and fast service. Upon opening the dolls, one of the children (I forget which) shrieked with joy, "Saint dolls!"

Margaret likes the saint dolls too.

After nap time, Grampa Neil took the kids "out into the woods" (the trees behind our house).

John's fort

Then after one of Mary's favorite dinners--meatloaf ("Meatloaf? Yay, I love meatloaf! Thank you, Mama!")--we prayed our family rosary by a back yard bonfire (always a thrill for the kids), and ate birthday cake.

I have some particular friends who love throwing big party bashes. I think it might even be easy for them, and it's definitely a load of fun. For Chris and me: not easy, not so much fun! Last year was the first time I tried to throw a real party-party. It was expensive and I felt a lot of stress about the planning, hoping everyone would have a good time, and running the event. I over-organized, I did too much, and the kids were over-structured.

Chris and I decided this year to try to rebel against the system! He's been joking ever since that if we just stop having big birthday parties ... that the Birthday Party Industrial Complex will come after us. It is like trying to stop the mail, as on "The Junk Mail" episode of Seinfeld (a humorous six minutes worth watching). Chris himself grew up in a family that celebrated birthdays mostly simply, since five brothers and a cake make an instant party!

My preliminary opinion of throwing a low-key, family birthday party is that it gets high marks from me!

Cost of Party: Almost nothing! I have a box of party decorations that I bought one time and use whenever I need them. So I just grabbed a few balloons, party plates, party hats, and voila! I had all the cake ingredients in the house already.

Mama's Stress Level: Zero! Making a slightly fancier breakfast is what I often do on a Saturday anyway. And I had to make dinner anyway, I just made some of Mary's favorite foods.

Happiness of Children: Through the roof! Mary was overjoyed at having her chair decorated with crepe paper and balloons. Strawberries at breakfast made her morning. The gifts were a total surprise to her (albeit, because she is only three).

Not saying we'll aim for low-key parties forever, but I've gotta say, this day was a pure joy for me as a mommy instead of being one of stress, and this is the kind of thing I want to repeat!