Easter 2016

5:45 a.m. and the alarm that is the preschooler went off . . .

It's Easter! It's Easter! It's Easter!

Then the clamoring and rushing, and holding back the wild horses while I said that  no children could enter the den where the baskets were waiting until Mama and Daddy had hot cups of coffee in our hands. Priorities!

'What is this, Mama?'

This year we gave one family basket of gifts, which were, for the most part, to be shared by all, or appealed to one age of kids or another.

Plastic cars!!!

New veils for the girls

New veils for the girls

I'm trying out two new book titles, and I have a number of friends who ask me what we're reading, so I'll share:

I bought "The Mad Scientists' Club: Complete Collection" by Bertrand R. Brinley (see here and as recommended by Seton Homeschooling here), mostly to interest my nine-year-old boy who vacillates between reading serious works (like right now, devouring "King Arthur" by Howard Pyle) and boyish fluff (like "Encyclopedia Brown"). The initial report from John digging into the book is two thumbs up.

Also, I gave as a family read-aloud which I hope will appeal too all ages, three to nine, "Redwall" by Brian Jacques (see here), it having been recommended to me from several reputable sources. If the story of this brave mouse merits my reporting my own recommendation, I'll write about it on the blog!

Robin Hood DVD

Lately I've been attempting to remove more of what Chris and I think of as 'frenetic' television content from our children's consumption. We already rule out so much media based on moral content, but I realized one day that I'm all about Charlotte Mason eradication of 'twaddle' in books, but I allow much 'twaddle' in television and movie content.

Out, out, out, I say!

Often, the television the children watch in a day is in the hour before dinnertime, so one of my tests of whether a show is too frenetic is if they sit like zombies in front of it, then show up at the dinner table bounding with energy, nonsense, inappropriate noises, and low-brow jokes.

Chris and I typed up a four-page list of television and movie shows, many of which the kids used to watch but which we're no longer allowing, plus the list of shows of which we do approve.

I'm trying to fill in the gaps which more calming television, so for Easter, we gave the children the British series of "The Adventures of Robin Hood" (1955-1960, in black and white), all 143 episodes for the bargain price of $11 (see here). Also, to appeal more to our younger set, we gave them "The World of Peter Rabbit and Friends," a DVD of some of the Beatrix Potter stories (see here--and no! I didn't pay $50!). This is part of a very expensive series, and I can see why: the stories are so soothing and calming. Each story starts with live actors and a real rabbit as we see Beatrix Potter sitting to write her stories. Then the story transitions to animation that is not garish and frenetic, but looks like the real sketches from the books come to life, like beautiful line drawings.

A really good bubble maker

Thomas chasing a new plastic car

This summer's stash of sidewalk chalk

The play silks (faux silks--a fraction of the cost of real ones!) are already a huge hit with all ages. The imaginative games that burst forth immediately were a delight: bull fighting, leaves and flowers falling from trees, a williwaw of swirling wind, princesses with veils, and so forth.

Play silks

After eight years in this neighborhood, we are joining the recreation club, which means having access to the pool and tennis pool--which have, all this time, been tantalizingly right behind our house, just a few hundred yards away! From the tiniest ages, we've had to explain repeatedly to the children why we can see the tennis courts and pool but aren't allowed to use them.

Since Chris and I decided to join the rec club, we realized that the joyous news should be included in the family Easter gift basket. See the below series of photos as John and Mary realize the import of the certificate which they are reading.

The breakfast menu consisted of: croissants, hash browns, fruit salad, and bacon.

Breakfast

Then, the egg hunt was on! This year we hunted indoors due to inclement weather. I think the kids found about 80 eggs in two minutes, maybe three. Then all the candy is confiscated into the family candy bowl and dolled out over the Easter octave.

Unfortunately, that's when our otherwise idyllic Easter celebration met Real Life: John had been feeling sick and it was getting worse. He crawled into bed as we were getting ready for Mass (which he always wants to attend) and we parents had to discern the truth of the matter. He said that even if his best buddies all got together for football after Mass, he wouldn't want to play with them. He said he would stay in bed even without television.

I pulled him out of bed to the outdoors for my Easter family picture, but he was queasy and dizzy, so the decision was made for me to stay home from Mass with the boys while Chris took the girls.

John stayed home and slept.

The girls at Mass with their daddy

I served supper as early as I could manage, which was 4:25--cutting it mighty close since I still had my Mass obligation to meet and it was at 5:00. My menu was: ham, sweet potato casserole, leftover hash browns, green salad, macaroni and cheese (using Easter-themed noodle shapes), fried apples, and deviled eggs.

Supper

I ate and dashed, disappointed to be leaving my family behind, but glad I live in a free country where I felt fairly confident I would be participating in the Mass in peace (unlike victims of variously located Muslim terrorist attacks this last week), that I have an intact family to be leaving temporarily, and that we got to enjoy a bountiful dinner together.

Happy Easter to all! Let the octave of celebration begin!

VidAngel: A Technology Review

My husband wrote a technology review at my request, which he delivered in email form to our homeschool community and I paste here into this blog.

Dear Homeschool families:

My wife asked me to write a quick review of VidAngel to share with others.  

If you hadn't heard of it, VidAngel is a movie internet streaming service that gives customers the ability to select and remove objectionable content from movies.  For instance, as the screen capture below demonstrates, you can select which words you want removed.

Or in the case of impure images, you can select and remove entire scenes:

The technology is very interesting, but it is not without drawbacks.  Here are some of my observations:

Pros:

1.  There are no monthly subscription fees.  Their pay structure may be confusing ... but it is so for complex legal reasons.  Technically they are selling you the digital rights to view the movie and since you "own" the movie, you have the right to edit/filter the content.  If they were to only "rent" you the license, they may be on a more legally risky ground.  So they sell you the movie for $20, then after you are done, you can click a button to sell it back to them for $19. ... so the net cost of the movie is $1.  If you wait longer than 24 hours, the sell back rate drops to $18 (and so forth)... so effectively it is a $1 cost per day.

2.  The controls are very thorough.  They give you the ability to remove almost everything ... even seemingly innocent alcohol or tobacco usage ... even legal usage such as an grown adult actress drinking a glass of wine with dinner. ... or an actor smoking a cigar.  I suppose they do this for protestant religions with a disordered puritanical bent. 

3. The filter controls are easy to use and understand.  You can set up default filters and you can search by MPAA ratings.

4. There is a certain percentage of movies out there that would be decent and family friendly if it weren't for those few scenes.  If VidAngel has any value, it would be for these limited movies. ... the fact that there isn't any monthly subscription means that you could use this service sparingly (a few times per year) without wasting money.

Cons:

1. The ability to turn filters on/off is too easy.  Once you set up filters and start the movie, there is nothing stopping a user (even a tech savvy teen while the parent steps out of the room) from pausing the movie and changing the filter to allow a bad scene and then to turn the filter back on after the bad scene is finished.  There aren't any parental controls that would prevent or give any evidence of that.  Ask yourself if introduction of this content into your home is worth the added temptations?  Is this a near occasion of sin for someone in your home? 

2. Their are really bad movies available on VidAngel, including some quasi-pornographic movies such as 50 Shades of Gray.  The site does includes a viewing history to show which movies were purchased and I don't think there is a way to edit this list if someone were trying to conceal a watched movie.

3. In many cases the sinful content can not be removed from a movie.  For instance, Hollywood film makers often infuse subversive and corrupting content into the plot of the movie in ways that cannot be helped by simply removing a words or scenes.  The majority of Hollywood films just simply can not be redeemed.  This is true of movies (even Disney) that have magic/occult/new age content as well as movies with over the top suspense and frenetic scenes that can be so damaging to childrens' emotions.  There are also lots of movies that undermine the role of fatherhood or of priests and religious.  These elements can not be filtered out.

4. Some movies might be okay if you remove the bad scenes, but the amount of content removed becomes so great that the movie get's really choppy.  If you have to cut out that much, is it really worth your time?

5. Also consider that there might be some public scandal in children going around quoting funny scenes from objectionable movies that were watched in a filtered way over VidAngel.  This could create a dangerous peer pressure that leads other children into wanting to watch this film ... but who do not have access to VidAngel.  This could exacerbate the common argument, "All the other altar boys have watched [Movie X] ... why can't we?"

These are my initial thoughts.  Please be careful.  The world is trying to corrupt the souls of your children.  As the great Father Berg said in a homily once, "Since when is providing 'shelter' for a child considered a pejorative?"

God bless,

Chris Lauer

Parish Homeschoolers' Afternoon Co-op 2014-15

We arrived back home just in time to leap back into the routine. On Wednesday we were asleep in our own beds by 1:00 in the morning, then on Thursday were piano lessons, and Friday was our first day of homeschooling co-op and the children's Latin choir concert.

I have been feeling grateful for a fairly well-established routine for homemaking because I feel less overwhelmed unpacking us from nine days of traveling. Sure, on Thursday I did six loads of laundry, but otherwise we just stepped right back into our regular schedule . . . that day we'd clean the bathrooms, the next day we'd clean the van, the next day we'd vacuum . . . . There is no need for me to feel entirely out of sorts and distressed that we're transitioning back into our own nest at home.

I am feeling the fruits of order and calm . . . because we have enough frenetic and exasperated moments as it is! We don't need more.

Friday was our first day of the homeschoolers' Afternoon Co-op at our parish.

(Do I have a cute representative photo? No, I forgot!)

I am liaison of the organization this year and I think it's going to be a good year as we've increased our meetings from every other week to weekly and we've tripled the number of classes.

Courses offered this year are:

• Boys' Club (my brainchild, taught by a dad, currently ages 4-9--going to be so great!)
• Writing class (IEW curriculum, grade 4+)
• Drawing (ages 9+, taught by professional)
• Sign Language (for all ages, taught by professional)
• Chess (for younger and older, taught by professionals)
• Arts and Crafts (for ages 3-6ish)
• Free play in gymnasium

After two weeks off, our Mater Dei Catholic School will start back to academics on Monday and I'm working on a refreshed schedule to represent our time now that Shakespeare and Latin choir commitments have ended.

* * * * * 

Bonus Reading: What 10 Priests Say About Video Games. Obviously these are the opinions of ten priests, not of the Catholic Church herself, but they certainly echo the opinion of Chris and myself as well. My favorite quote, while not very moderated or nuanced, is from Fr. Edward Connolly of Pennsylvania:

"Reality is where I work out my salvation. Reality is where I meet Mom and Dad, Brother and Sister, Son and Daughter, Wife or Husband, God and Neighbor and, come to think of it, Myself. Video games are Alternate Reality. There I can pretend that I don’t have Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Son, Daughter, Wife or Husband, God or Neighbor. Only Myself. It’s kind of like Hell."

Television and Movies for Young Children

Although we are no-television idealists, Real Life steps in, so, for this season in our lives, we do let the children watch television and movies. We are fortunate to live at this time when technology can be used easily and inexpensively, so we can watch what we want when we want to, and our children have never seen commercials (and don't know what they are!). There are shows on Netflix Instant Streaming, Amazon Prime, Hulu, and many other online sources.

We are quite particular about the kind of programming we prefer the children to watch. Choosing programming is a very personal matter for families. For example, we dislike cartoons that are frenetic with rapid camera shots, so that's a pet peeve of ours personally.

I know I am discovering shows all the time that are worth adding to our list, so I thought I'd compile a list to start conversation. I'd enjoy hearing from other families what wholesome shows you enjoy, and for what ages of children.

List created February 4, 2014; last updated June 17, 2017

CARTOON PROGRAMMING

The Adventures of Paddington Bear (1997)

Barney: For all the mocking of the purple dinosaur, I have come to have a lot of affection for him. I like that the show doesn't present anything as magic, but emphasizes that Barney is a character in children's imagination. The children in the show dress simply and modestly and are polite and kind, not giving sass or using hip lingo. And the littlest of children are mesmerized by this show!

Charlotte's Web (1973)

Curious George: We like this calm show very much. There are a few episodes we don't love, such as ones that promote environmentalism to a degree we don't teach.

Jungle Book: This borders on too frenetic for us, but the kids really like it.

Kipper: We really enjoy this slow, calm, British series. Very young tots enjoy this one.

Leapfrog: This series of educational programs is nearly at the line of too frenetic for us, but the children do pick up a lot of facts about phonics, shapes, and colors.

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977)

Postman Pat: Claymation always has a nice, slower effect than animation.

Rocky and Bullwinkle: A bit frenetic, but clean and old-fashioned without modern propaganda. Our criticism is that our children enjoy the show so much, they become obsessed and will talk of little else.

Shaun the Sheep: Claymation

Thomas and Friends: We really enjoy this slow, calm, British series. Very young tots enjoy this one.

Timmy Time: Claymation, younger version of Shaun the Sheep.

Up (2009): Be forewarned of some vicious dogs that would scare younger children.

Wallace and Gromit: Claymation

LIVE-ACTION PROGRAMMING

The Alamo (1960)

The Andy Griffith Show: Even the youngest of children recognize the genius of Barney's character! I do read up on each episode subject, as it might include subject matter young children just don't know about (such as domestic violence or drunkenness).

The Apple Dumpling Gang (1979)

Charlie the Lonesome Cougar (1967)

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)

Davey Crockett and the River Pirates (1956)

David Attenborough: Wildlife Specials: These episodes are beautifully crafted. But they are ones I let the children (our oldest being only 7) watch only with my supervision so I can fast-forward particularly bloody animal fight scenes or other things that are just too much. Watch also for environmentalism.

Doctor Dolittle (1967)

The Fighting Sullivans (1944): Particularly charming for Catholic parents and parents of boys!

The Great Locomotive Chase (1956)

The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965): Good to watch at Easter

Greyfriars Bobby (1961)

Hard Hat Harry series (1990s): My one forewarning is that the premise is that Harry is a genie who appears and takes the children on educational field trips. He looks like a normal man, not like a fairy tale genie.

Heidi (2005): A rare modern movie in which little or nothing was changed from the book. Superior!

How Do They Do It?: This is a show that teaches how stuff works, interesting even for adults. Warning: Check subject matter of each episode because occasionally the "stuff" being taught about isn't age-appropriate for children.

How Stuff Works: This is a show that teaches how stuff works, interesting even for adults. Warning: Check subject matter of each episode because occasionally the "stuff" being taught about isn't age-appropriate for children.

Huckleberry Finn (1974)

In Search of the Castaways (1962)

The Jungle Book: Mowgli's Story (1998)

Kidnapped (1960)

The Last of the Mohicans television series (1957)

A Life of Music (2016): Be forewarned about one scene in which a man is beaten to death: fast forward for children.

Lilies of the Field (1963)

Mighty Machines: Such a fantastic boy show!

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood: We love the slow rhythm of this show: the cadence of the voices, the long camera shots. Warning: Watch for show subject matter, such as the six-show series on divorce: one may want to discuss such subjects with children, but a parent wants to make that choice purposefully.

Peter Pan (with Cathy Rigby) (2000): This is a filmed theatrical version.

Rascal (1967): A coming-of-age movie about a young man who adopts a baby raccoon for a summer

Robin Hood (1938)

Seabiscuit (1949): My only forewarning is to be ware that there is a live horse birthing scene that really shows every tidbit!

The Shakiest Gun in the West (1968)

Signing Time and Baby Signing Time: Our children have learned so much American Sign Language through this series. All my toddlers have used signing, generally knowing around 50 signs by age one-and-a-half, which I find reduces tantrums and makes life easier.

The Sound of Music: Warning: The ending of the movie with the Nazis and escape scenes is too much for young children, so many parents just end the movie a few minutes early.

Tales of Beatrix Potter (1970): This is a live-action version!

Treasure Island (with Jack Palance) (1999)

Where the Red Fern Grows (1963): Forewarning of one vicious fight scene with boys and dogs.

Wild America: Cuddly and Cool Creatures: This nature show is old-fashioned and set within a real family. The camera shots are long and still. (We prefer nature shows that don't overly promote environmentalism to the extreme that we are here to serve animals and nature.)

The Winslow Boy (1999)

Zooboomafoo: Live action nature show with the Kratt brothers--but we do not watch The Wild Kratts, which is the cartoon nature show the brothers produced later. We don't like the modern and saucy talk among the characters.

My Revolutionary Soap Box

Maybe it is studying the Revolutionary War and the Civil War (or War of Northern Aggression, as those in Richmond might call it), but I am giving not just a side comment or paragraph, but an entire blog post for me to clamber up on my soap box for a moment.

We eat out at restaurants rather a lot, especially for a family of six, and being out in public is increased even more when we take a little vacation like this. All this out-and-about gives me much opportunity to see parents with children in public. And I am downright sad to see so much use of screen time in public. It is bad enough that we (me included) use the television (or other screens) as babysitters within the home: isolating children away from us, giving us a really quick fix to get the children to sit still and be quiet so we don't have to do the arduous work of teaching them to occupy themselves or be useful or just be quiet: a process that will take years and years! I understand the exhaustion and I do use the TV to clickety-clickety! instantly make them stop yammering.

But to see incessant screen time usage in public is increasingly wearying to me. We go into restaurants and find many children seated with their parents, the tots staring--often each at their own screen (iPad, iPhone, tablet, etc.)--at their own seats, little zombies with their food sitting cold in front of them, while their parents eat peacefully (or are simultaneously on their own screen devices: yes, I've seen entire families doing this). I now see this at every restaurant into which we walk, whether it is a cheap pizza place or a white linen table cloth kind of establishment. And when we are at restaurants, I regularly see young, couples on dates, each adult texting on their cell phones (presumably) to other people not at the table: one just has to wonder what kind of relationships and marriages will be built on such a foundation. At the wedding reception this weekend, I saw teenagers sitting around watching TV or surfing the Net instead of being taught (required) to socialize--if ever so stiffly and awkwardly at first with adults around them. (And, frankly, I saw adults doing it too: Adults! Adults sitting at formal tables at a wedding reception surfing the Net on their phones instead of conversing with those around them!) I saw children at Colonial Williamsburg being shut up with screen time, which means their parents paid $20 per kid and $50 per adult to take them to a one-of-a-kind historic place in our nation in order to let them stare at a TV screen.

I want to do better than this!

Screen time is so isolating. It prevents family members from interacting together. In contrast to these sad sights, I was inspired when we took the tour of the White House of the Confederacy to view its sitting room: it contained chairs with little tables clustered 'round in about three different sitting arrangements within the same room. People could sit in clusters about the room, one group talking about one subject, another group working embroidery, another group listening to a person read a book, whatever! Nowadays, living rooms have all the furniture pointed to one thing: The Great God Television. It is rare to see a living room in which all the seating furniture is not pointed at the television (unless it is the unusual home without a TV in it: apparently the average American home contains 2.5 televisions but one-third of homes contain more than four TVs). So none of us will talk, we won't interact, and we won't learn arts to occupy us (sewing, painting, reading aloud well for listeners, playing music, group games, etc.). We sit passively and are entertained instead of interacting and providing occupation to each other.

It is so wearying to me.

I am so tired of seeing screens in front of zombie faces everywhere I go.

I cringe when I use screen time this way, but I am fighting the good fight. I'm fighting hard and I'd love to see other parents inspired to battle the Screen God too!

Truly, friends, I confess that I am not perfect in this regard. My children watch about an hour of TV (Netflix--no commercials) most days. I hate it, but it's the level at which we are at now. I continue to have hopes that we truly throw away our screens. So far, I have been able to hold the line at ever letting them watch screen time in public (restaurants, waiting rooms, etc.). That means I have to plan ahead. Some of the things I do are:

• I bring a book which I will literally read to them quietly in a waiting room ("Gather round, we're going to read some Narnia while we wait for the doctor"). 
• I will play "I Spy" or guessing or spelling games. I play a game with the children in which each of us takes turning inventing a few lines of a story before the next person takes over and little-kid hilarity ensues. 
• I will count baby toes. 
• I will walk a toddler around and point things out to her. 
• I carry a tiny notebook and pen in my purse so my toddler can scribble, I can draw pictures for her, or I can play tic-tac-toe type of games with my older children.
• And I will discipline older children who really should be able to sit still for a while. 

These ways to pass the time are hard, and they mean I don't get to watch my own screen or read my own book or have uninterrupted conversations with an adult because I am very busy parenting.

I hope I'm making a good choice here and not throwing away all these years I could spend in front of the screen instead.

And, please, know that I understand there are always exceptions. I know of one close-to-my-heart child with special needs who responds very well to having screen time which enables him to be in public places with his siblings. And togetherness is a benefit that far outweighs screen time! Or me: I'll share that right now I'm putting my health at a top priority, which means a goal of exercising for 45 minutes every morning. After about four months of trying every other solution to make this work, I have waved the white flag and am using the TV as babysitter: I set up the iPad in my exercise room so I can supervise my four early risers and try to improve my health. So I know there are special circumstances, occasional uses, exceptions, but what I am seeing culturally is not a special exception. When every restaurant I eat in, every bus or plane I board, every waiting room in which I sit, and every party has at it a substantial portion of people (especially the children) staring at screens instead of interacting . . .

. . . we have a problem, Houston.

Virginia: Day 4

Sunday November 10, 2013

We attended the early Mass at the FSSP parish, which we highly recommend. What a great facility for a church, and wonderful liturgy from the FSSP, as always. The pastor there was the priest who provided my sacraments (conditional Baptism, Confirmation, first Confession, first Holy Communion) and who married us. Last we saw him, we had our firstborn son in tow . . . and now we have four children! Father N. has been moved 3,000 miles to our coast and is only five hours away from our city: yay for us!

Fr. Novokowsky, FSSP

After Mass, we headed for Colonial Williamsburg! This trip had great meaning for me because my dad took me to Colonial Williamsburg many times as a child during our annual vacation from California to the East Coast. And now I can pass on this treasure of a living historical site to our children!

Mama is afraid of water, so crossing the James River on the ferry was not my favorite thing to do.

Whimsical bathroom signs at Colonial Williamsburg

You leave your wagon unguarded, our children are likely to find it and climb it.

When we arrived, each child was given a map and a list of about twenty places where one could visit and have one's map hole-punched. Obtain five hole punches and the child earns an unnamed souvenir (which turned out to be a little pin). We added to the system by telling our children that they had to exhibit good behavior in the exhibits/buildings and between them in order to get the hole punches. Within the first building, our two oldest acted up, racing around the building, not coming when called, and immediately were not allowed to get their hole punches. Tears ensued briefly and the system worked very well, I must say, after that. A quick reminder that a hole punch might be lost and maybe they wouldn't get the five punches to receive the free souvenir and behavior improved right quick!

The  blacksmith

Watching the blacksmith

Unfortunately, our only family picture of the day was taken in deep shadow: oops!

John in the stockade

Mary in the stockade

Margaret in the stockade

The courthouse

The children climbed numerous trees: it was one of their favorite things to do amidst all this history! I wish we'd had more time (like at least two full days) so the children could go slowly instead of our rushing them along, telling them to come out of trees so we could go to the next building.

Mary hasn't been wearing her new bonnet for dressing-up sake at historical sites, but because she loves it. She hasn't taken it off in two days, wearing it to Mass (as her chapel veil) and everything!

At the tailor's shop

At the silversmith's shop: did women ever do silversmithing at that time?

Watching a review of the soldiers, in which they shot off their guns and a canon

I know women surely weren't soldiers at that time, although one of these actors was a woman, which irritated me. 
I doubt there is a shortage of men interested in being these soldier-actors.

One of the highlights of the day for Margaret (2-1/2) was riding the bus back to the parking lot and she even composed a song for the occasion, which she sang with jubilation for any other passengers to hear.

How Do You Cook Dinner?

I feel like we are slipping in to the children watching too much television, yet again. We wax and wane. I'm a no-TV idealist with a weak will. Lord, have mercy on me.

One reads that, if one is going to let the children watch TV, it should be a family activity, with the parents joining the children. That sounds like a good idea, but the only reason I use TV is as a babysitter! If I wanted to sit with my children even more, we'd be doing something productive, not rotting our brains.

So, currently the children get to watch TV while I cook dinner (and by "TV," I mean approved shows on Netflix with no commercials). They're often watching from 4:00 to 5:00 . . . and if I'm really tired they start at 3:30 (having not watched TV all day). I suspect this is a particularly bad use of television for two reasons:

(1) Their bodies are hypnotized and still for at least an hour when they should be running around, using their muscles, so that they can come sit quietly at the table.  By the time they come to the table, their brains are totally hopped up on TV, I can see that it makes them wild, they cannot sit still (having already sat still too long), they want to blab uncontrollably about some banal cartoon they watched, and then they are disciplined for being ill-behaved at the table when I set them up for failure.

(2) This sets the example that Mama does all the work while the prince and princess sit and are entertained. I contrast this to the endless scenes in the Laura Ingalls series, which we just read again for the third time or so, in which the girls are always at Ma's side when work is to be done. There wasn't a concept that work was to be done, so Ma set about doing it and sent the girls away. This is the biggest problem, in my view so far, and I want to eradicate it with a fiery vengeance  We must learn to work and not be bitter about it.

Now, what is the crux? Why not just turn off the TV? I've already been with the children all day long! We wake up at 6:00, they are with me, helping me, as I cook breakfast, snack, lunch, and snack. We get dressed together, we do school time together, we do laundry together. I engage them in many activities throughout the day, like reading or doing a craft. They get sessions of "free play" in between things we do together. We are literally almost never apart  . . .

. . . Except during Quiet Time. I do have a well-established Quiet Time immediately after lunch. Right now it lasts about one hour, but I am in the process of stretching it to two hours. Each child is playing quietly in a separate room during that time.

It would be an ideal solution to send them outdoors to play in the hour right before dinner, but John  (almost six) is the only one old enough to play unsupervised in the back yard. At these ages, I still have to spend one to two hours a day sitting in the backyard, supervising them--giving me spiritual opportunities to try to convince myself that that is time well spent on my part, not time "wasted" when I could have been doing "my" tasks.

One might suggest letting the children run off and play while I cook dinner. However, I find I can't leave them alone together for very long these days. In fact, they've been fighting so much lately that I currently have a rule that they are not allowed to be alone together, ever--I mean, not even in the next room. Alone together right now simply means constant fighting and my being interrupted a zillion times to negotiate or discipline. I believe right now something is going on with their ages or personalities that I am putting them in an occasion of sin to let them be alone together, so I try not to do it. They may have free play time together with me in the same room with them. I'm not a parent who lets them "figure out how to get along" because humans are stained by Original Sin and the only thing we can figure out without the light of Christ informing us is that "might makes right," which is very ungodly.

So, back to dinner time . . . In my idealistic vision, the three children would help me cook. I'd exude endless patience after engaging with them nearly nonstop at that point. I'd give them manageable tasks to do. They'd clean up the kitchen from the day and set the table. They wouldn't be screaming at each other about who gets to set out the napkins and who gets to set out the forks, and nobody would be flopping on the ground about how "this is the worst job in the whole world."

When I hear about eight-year-olds who can make meatloaf and roasted potatoes for the family all by themselves, I bet it's not because they were allowed to slouch and watch brain-rotting TV while Mother did all the work lo' those many years.

Maybe part of the solution is simply for me to grow yet again stronger spiritual muscles. I do enforce a break in the early afternoon, so by dinner, I should have been engaging them again for "only" three consecutive hours at that point. Can I tack on one more hour of togetherness?

Alright readers: Any way I can make my idealistic vision a reality? How do you cook dinner? Could I make changes earlier in my day's routine to give me a dose of patience to use during the dinner hour (when normally I am tapped out)?

Mama's Soapbox: Cyberspace Charms Us

Trying to temper my Internet usage during this Advent has been spiritually revealing even in only six days so far. I thought I would share some of my thoughts and feelings, but certainly no absolute conclusions because I don't pretend to have those.

Do I think the Internet is evil? No. Am I a Luddite? No.

What are my concerns about the Internet? The world of cyberspace is endlessly alluring. There is much good in it. I have connected with amazing, God-loving women who have helped me in my faith life. I have learned so much academic content, domestic church traditions, and tips for how to live our lives and raise our children. I do my meal planning online and most of my shopping online, which lets me stay at home. Cyberspace is really wonderful.

It's endlessly charming.

So, I never want to leave cyberspace. There's always one more thing. "Just one more minute, kids." "I'm almost done." Meanwhile, my back is to the children and I'm not making eye contact. Nobody else can share easily in what I am doing when I am online. We lack communion. Even if I am reading a book while sitting on the sofa, my family members can glance at the book's title and say, "Oh, how are you enjoying Fabre's Insects?" And then we converse.

Thus, I decided to cut back and see if I could focus more on my God-given vocation and the souls he's actually placed in my care (not the souls that are my cyberspace friends). My guidelines: Try not to be online (1) while the kids are awake and (2) in my care (not counting the baby). If I have to look up a recipe or driving directions or such, then that's fine to do anytime, but no email or 'surfing'. This leaves for me time before the children wake for the day (usually 30-60 minutes), during their Quiet Time (1-2 hours), and after they go to bed (so a couple of hours at night). Have I been perfect at this? No, but pretty good this week considering that this is a deeply ascetic change for me.

In reality: how much time do I really get online? Maybe 15-30 minutes in the morning, maybe 30 minutes during Quiet Time (because the baby who takes a morning and afternoon nap is always awake right after lunch when the bigger kids are in Quiet Time, and she does not tolerate my sitting and ignoring her), and maybe a couple of hours after bedtime when my brain is so exhausted, I cannot do any work of substance (correspondence, meal planning, homeschooling curriculum, ordering Christmas gifts, etc.).

Six measly days of it and the results are thought-provoking for me.

I am feeling addictive feelings wanting more Internet time. I race down in the morning in order to get online and then feel angry when I hear the pitter patter of my treasured children waking up. 'No, not yet!' What does it mean that we'd die for our children (and what good parent wouldn't say that?), but we won't reduce ourselves to, say, four hours of online time per day? Four hours of time online per day isn't enough? Really?

During Quiet Time, I am a bundle of irritation if the kids don't pass out asleep because otherwise that means I am putting Mary, in particular, back into Quiet Time a zillion times. And this takes work as a parent (as opposed to all the "parenting" that involves relaxing and eating bon bons, right?) and it is exhausting, and then I can't be online. The baby is screaming if I'm not holding her and walking around, so I feel irritated at her for, you know, being eight months old.

Then after dinner and Rosary, the kids are finally in Chris' care, if he's in town, or they're asleep, I am frustrated because I feel I have hours of a mother's office-type work to do, which involves being online, but my mind is totally trashed from fatigue. I can't think through the fog about how to plan to celebrate St. Nicholas' feast day, what meals to serve two weeks from now, or what Christmas gifts I need to order.

I find myself sneaking online, which is revealing far too much attachment. 'Oh, I need a recipe, and I guess I'll just check my email too.' Or using my iPhone to check email, as if that doesn't count and just as much take me away from my children as the physical computer. Because size makes a qualitative difference, right? A 10-inch computer screen = bad, but a 3-inch computer screen = a-okay! (I'm having all kinds of pro-life thoughts here, but let's not get off on a rabbit trail.)

Before this experiment, I used these three periods of breaks from the children to do various things: In the morning, I might drink coffee and read a book. Or say morning prayers. During Quiet Time, I might catch up on a lot of physical chores, like washing dishes and mopping the floor. Or I'd exercise on the treadmill. Then I'd have my online time while the kids were awake and I'd be able to focus because the Handy Dandy Television Set would babysit them for me (for free--and, as a bonus, altering their brain connections being formed, having a more soporific effect than actual sleep, and teaching them moral lessons counter to our convictions).

Take away TV and Internet for Advent simultaneously and we're left with a whole lot of time together.

As if being a homeschooling stay-at-home mother wasn't time enough with one's children, right? I've already devoted my life to them, how much more do I have to do? How much, God? This week I've been using those three fairly regular breaks during the day for online time and then having (getting?) to do all the rest of the stuff with my kids at my heels: for example, it's hard, when I have a three-year-old who can not ever be left unsupervised and a baby who must be carried, to haul several heavy loads of laundry per day up and down stairs, switch loads, and fold clothing. (Hhhhmmm, perhaps this hardness of one parent doing everything by herself is why other times and other cultures taught children to help with chores early and competently. And was that a virtue? Methinks, yes!) So, I ask, is it better for me to do my chores alone and have the kids see me during many waking hours sitting, back turned to them, staring at a computer screen? Or is it better for them to see me in varied, productive and wholesome work, such as washing dishes, walking on the treadmill, and doing laundry? But can't I ever get a break and do my chores without occupying children simultaneously? How well would our husbands do having to be on a multinational conference call while occupying little kids? Or organizing the garage while occupying kids? Doctoring patients, writing computer programming, or engineering something while occupying kids? It's really hard and I know my mommy-readers know that.

But maybe it is more wholesome and edifying for children to be at my heels and involved while I do corporal work around our home? Forming virtues in the soul? Helping children (and adults) calm to a slower lifestyle, not needing constant, fast-paced stimulation? Assisting them in feeling boredom and accepting it as part of life and really not that bad? ALLOWING THEM TO BE SILENT AND HEAR GOD? Something I think is morally corrosive is how human beings in public are constantly on their portable electronic devices. I was departing a hardware store the other day when in walked parents with two children, perhaps five and seven, each carrying their own iPads (yes, those things that cost about $500), staring downward at the screens, playing some kind of game while they walked and their parents helped them not crash into things. This in a hardware store, which I remember being one of my favorite places to visit with my daddy when I was a little girl: I can remember the wood smells, the dust of wood shavings under my feet, the thousands of drawers of different screws. But those little kids apparently weren't entertained enough by a hardware store visit to break away from their electronic pacifiers. (And if they weren't entertained, how about developing the virtue of obedience to their parents by just being quiet and still during a necessary errand?) I see children and adults alike playing with their electronic devices in doctors' waiting rooms, in lobbies, while driving in their cars, and at restaurants. One time I felt bad that my kids weren't perfect in a restaurant while a nearby three-year-old girl sat absolutely still and delightfully quiet through dinner. As we walked out, I saw that her parents had brought a DVD player into the restaurant and that is what was pacifying the child the whole time. And recently I was at church and witnessed a Boy Scout meeting in progress with young men about 12-14 years old. The Scout Master was teaching them something: half the young men were playing with their iPhones instead of paying attention. Examples of this slavish devotion to portable electronic devices are legion, so I must stop myself from even trying to share more.

Suffice it to say, I do not want to behave that way and I desperately don't want my kids growing up that way. I would definitely be lazier and allow myself more addiction to electronic devices if I did not have children, but wanting to be a good example provides a lot of motivation. One of my relatives has a personal saying which she said often in her mothering career: "People before electronics!"

The reality is that, after one week's experiment, I am not keeping up with what I consider my computer work. I have a pad of paper on which I am writing all the computer tasks I need to do when I get the time. I am not finishing my tasks. I am days behind on my work. I feel like I can't catch up. (Am I ignoring my actual needful work that comes from my vocation and inventing false burdens for myself?) Plus I'm not connecting with friends nearly as much as before because I mostly connect with them by email. (How easy it is for mothers of young children to talk on the phone with all the shrieking in the background, right?) I am experiencing a lot of distressing emotions about this lack. Friends are wondering why I haven't replied to emails in all of two or three whole days. Honestly, I'd be freaking out if a friend didn't reply to me in two days . . . but what does that say about us as a culture? We can't wait for a letter? It doesn't seem reasonable that a mother of three children under five is astonishingly busy? And yet, just like the other people waiting for me to reply to their emails, even I think I should be able to juggle these children, this husband, our home, religious devotions, and still have many hours per day online to work, to relax, and to connect with friends.

I'm getting about four focused hours of time online a day. And apparently four hours per day isn't nearly enough to do my 'work'. That is shockingly revealing to me because it gives me a hint of how much time I have been spending online, even though by all appearances, even to myself, I am a devoted homeschooling mother.

With about four hours online, I am left with about 12 waking hours not plugged in, about 11 of those with the children awake, in my care, and not napping. Those are eleven long hours. It's very interesting to me to sit with the discomfort of how hard those long hours can be. (Shouldn't this all be blissfully easy?) And I'd rather run back to cyberspace with all its distractions and pleasantries, and let my children be hypnotized by a television set (ooo--or by their very own little laptops or iPads!).

But then I must ask myself, like in the movie The Matrix, would I rather be plugged in to a seemingly wonderful un-reality, or would I rather unplug and live in the real and the now, with all its truth and sometimes ugliness?

Life is trying. Being a mother is a challenge. Doing work is hard and doing work with children helping out is even harder. Perhaps I should stop trying to make this short foray on Earth to be so heavenly, when our true place of blissful easiness, joy, and freedom is, we hope, in God's presence in Heaven after we shuffle off this mortal coil.

Three more long weeks of this Advent experiment . . . please pray for me!

Advent 2011

The purple wreath hangs on the door

The Advent calendar is taped to the window (because the windows are translucent when opened). Goal: Open each "door" first thing in the morning, read the line of Scripture, and give the children one chocolate candy each.

You will note that the Advent paper chain is suspended from an old drapery rod above the kitchen picture window. Why? Because that was the only place I thought would be high enough that Mary could not get it down. Did that work? No. She already found a way to get the chain down and she carefully tore off every pink paper (which I later stapled anew). Go back and look how high that chain is!

Goal: After breakfast and dressing in the morning, start School Time by hanging the ornament on the Jesse Tree and reading the appropriate Scripture of Jesus' genealogy.

Then move on to the Holy Heroes Advent Adventure: This is a wonderful program I will receive by email each day. It contains a few short (2-3 minute) videos, coloring pages, and other little activities to print out. I love that the program is entirely designed and handed to me.

Goal: Read delightful Christmas books often!

The two nativity scenes are up, both safe to be played with. When I took these photos the children were having afternoon quiet time, which marks the first and last time all the nativity scene characters will be neat and orderly.

Goal: Teach the children about doing good deeds for family members and others: Each time Daddy or I know of a child doing a good deed, he or I will give a piece of straw to the child to place in Baby Jesus' creche to make it soft for him when he (the doll) is placed in it on Christmas.

Goal: Light the appropriate Advent candle(s) each night at dinner time and let it burn while we are eating. Pray the short Advent prayers at that time.

Where did the television set go?!

Advent is a penitential season, a "mini Lent," a time of waiting and preparing our hearts for the joyous birth of our Savior. Some Catholics make sacrifices or work on correcting faults / improving virtues at this time. Our family is going to be further reducing television (since this isn't a "crisis" time when I'm sick with pregnancy or newly postpartum): our goal is for the children to watch a 30-minute show three days a week, to have 30 minutes of computer time the other two days, and none on weekends, plus for Mommy and Daddy not to be watching TV either.

And Mommy is going to be cutting down on Internet time! Being inspired by a friend of mine who did this for Lent about three years ago, I am going to try to stay off the computer when the children are (1) awake and (2) in my care. Wish me the best with that. (I think my heart is having palpitations.)

As always: I make a lot of great plans for domestic liturgy and I don't succeed at implementing them 100%. But I continue to give the old college try!