Tithing

Recently I discovered that I can see all my previously-lost-in-a-list-of-thousands Draft Posts in Blogger. I can see only my Draft Posts. So, I read through the thirty of them, deleted most, and will be publishing a few that I think are worthwhile keeping out of the dustbin. ~KTL

The below was written almost three years ago, when our firstborn was five years old.

This morning while folding laundry, I was struck that God trying to get us to tithe our treasure (money), time, and talent is like trying to get a little kid to fold the socks.

But, let me back up a little to explain. Lately I have been making an effort to involve the children (and particularly John, who is almost five and quite capable) in the household chores I do. For example, after I have spent time meal planning, grocery shopping, half an hour cooking, and the kids wolf down the food in ten minutes, everyone scatters, leaving me to clean the kitchen for twenty to thirty minutes. I am coming to realize that this is bad for the formation of their characters and souls, so I am trying to keep the children with me, giving them little tasks to do, while I do the bulk of the work. Then we work as a family, they learn the joy of wholesome work, I have them supervised (so they're not doing mischief), and the job is done much faster. Still, the whole time I am doing the bulk of the kitchen cleaning, John might successfully clear his plate, put away some food ingredients, and wipe the table of crumbs--that's it. He's doing a small percentage of the job. Most of this effort remains an exercise for good in principle, and I don't expect to have super useful children for some years to come.

Getting back to this morning, I was folding a large load of laundry and I asked the children to please separate out the socks, then match them. John complained, resisted, claimed he couldn't do it, and was slow, and, meanwhile I folded all the other laundry and separated it into stacks by person.

I felt exasperated and thought to myself, 'Dear child! You are expending so much energy complaining about doing the socks which are, what?, 10% of the work here? Less than that?'

The idea of ten percent really jumped out at me and I thought of tithing.

How much do we, as children of God, complain and resist about giving ten percent to Him, from whom all blessings flow? How much are we grown adults like my preschool boy with his sometimes cheerful compliance but, all too commonly, his foot-dragging, excuses, or outright complaining? Looking at myself, I see a bit too much resemblance for comfort!

Time

What does it mean to give time to God?

Off the top of my head, he asks us to keep holy the Sabbath day. If we count just our waking hours on Sunday--and we keep the entire day holy--that's about 9% of our waking hours in a week. Do I fail to keep the day holy, and instead make it profane (unconsecrated, secular, common, vulgar) by grocery shopping, housekeeping, servile labor, or watching television or movies that are particularly not godly?

What about simply going to Mass? That's an hour on Sunday: a whole one half of one percent of all the hours in a week. Do I go every Sunday and holy day of obligation? Or skip out sometimes? Do I go with the intent of giving to God through worship? Or do I go hoping mainly to "be fed" and then complain when I "wasn't fed" (whether from poor liturgy, lack of cool entertainment, or from distractions of our own children)? Really? God sent his only Son for our salvation and re-presents His sacrifice in an unbloody manner, giving us Jesus' very Real Presence in the Eucharist for us to consume and I was not fed? I am literally fed with Jesus' very self!

And that reality doesn't take away that it can be hard to get up and go after a night awake with the baby, dressing all the children, knowing they will cause distractions, and not having a free hand to hold a missal to actually read the words in order to know what the lector is saying, whom I can't hear because I'm hushing my preschooler.

What about daily prayer at home? Do I come even close to praying to God (read: conversing with him, worshiping him, listening to him) 10% of our waking hours? I've never heard that we're asked to pray 10% of the time, but it's an interesting number to contemplate. (Actually, St. Paul in the Bible told us to "pray without ceasing"! 1 Thessalonians 5:17.)

I know that in our home, I have a prayer routine I would be doing ideally with the children. It seems so simple, yet I find it so difficult and I doubt I achieve one "perfect prayer day" per week. I've tried to keep it small:

• my own morning prayers and reading a short meditation (5 minutes),
• having the children make a Morning Offering (1 minute),
• praying the Angelus at noon (5 minutes),
• praying grace before all meals (30 seconds per meal = 1-1/2 minutes),
• praying the Rosary as a family (at a fast, adult pace, it takes about 15 minutes to pray five decades, but we get through only two decades in 15 minutes right now), and
• bedtime prayers (3 minutes).

A parent (even me!) might look at that and think, 'What are you doing to those poor children! You've got them praying all day! Do you even have time to have any fun in between all those prayers? You're not monks, you know!' And yet, that is about 30 minutes of prayer all day, which is 3% of the waking time in a day. Three measly percents. Giving 10% of waking time to prayer would be a radical hour and a half per day! Hey, that's time for daily Mass plus all the prayers we aim for now . . .

Talent

If one has a talent or skill, even if one worked hard to cooperate with grace to develop it, the talent came from God. Who is one to hoard it?

As St. Paul said, "Who confers distinction upon you? What do you possess that you have not received? But if you have received it, why are you boasting as if you did not receive it? (1 Corinthians 4:7)

If I have a skill, what is its purpose? What am I doing with it? Am I doing for others? Maybe for someone in my season of life, doing for others is mainly going to mean doing for the people within my family. It's no good for me to absent myself from my family for lengthy periods in order to go serve food to the homeless at a soup kitchen: that would be shirking the duties God did give me in order to pick up duties he did not give me.

Each person has different circumstances, so each person can give talent in different ways. I know my perspective best these days: Thinking as a homeschooling mom of little ones who are always around, one ministry mothers in my position can do is cook. Most churches have a ministry of providing meals to women who have just had babies, the sick and bedbound, and for funerals and the grieving family left behind. We homemakers are cooking anyway with children at our feet, so just make a double batch of the meal. We can drive it over to the family and leave the kids in the car, just dropping the meal at the door. Or ask our husbands to drive over the meal. This is a useful gift of talent that takes very little away from one's duties.

We can all search our own hearts for how to share the talents God has given us.

Treasure

There is a long tradition of tithing ten percent of our money to God. Also there is debate about whether it is a strict ten percent. Gross income? Net income? Respond to a radical Gospel call like certain saints and give most of our income away? Join a mendicant order in order to have no income at all?

Amidst all the debate is a one certain thing and that is resistance to donate away our income. Surely God didn't mean my actual money. Aren't I "donating to charity" when I give away my old stuff I don't want anymore to the Goodwill thrift store? I know: when I die, I'll give away some of my leftover, not-used-up assets to a nice charity, and that will be good.

God had a lot to say about Bible, which he gave to us in Holy Scriptures. A lot. And it's pretty uncomfortable to read with modern eyes.

This is an interesting list of Scripture (from a Protestant Bible, so double-check against Catholic sources) divided by monetary sub-topic. Chris and I really like Dave Ramsey's financial program and he says that there are more than 800 Scripture quotes about money.

I can recommend a book I recently read: "Happy Are You Poor: The Simple Life and Spiritual Freedom" by Fr. Thomas Dubay. Personally, I found it to be one of those "scary books." I began reading it probably a year ago and, when I could not come up with any arguments to counter the unceasing barage of Gospel teaching about money (paired with a long tradition of Church teaching and interpretation), I set down the book. I didn't want any more guilt in my heart and, apparently, I didn't want to make radical changes either. Recently I was able to pick up the book again and finish it.

But then I put it back on the shelf just to sit for a while. Away from me. I am a work in progress.

He Is the Magnet Still in my Hand

One of the reasons I love homeschooling (and, as an added bonus, that Chris works from home) is that our children have access to us all day long. (This is also one of the challenges of homeschooling, but that is the subject of another post!)

It can be so fatiguing to be in the company and charge of children 14 hours per day, day in and day out . . . but last week God sent me a few glimmers of awareness of how blessed I am.

I get to be here to answer the children's questions and have deep discussions with them when the moment arises. I get to answer on behalf of my and my husband's worldview. Nobody else will be there to answer these questions during the children's tender years until they are older, and then only gradually over their childhoods.

Twice this week, Margaret (3-1/2) asked wonderful questions, probably because we've been doing more formal little girl catechism lately. One day she came to me somberly and asked, "Mama, who made God?" On two other occasions, she had great questions for me, one about hell, and these led to sweet, catechetical conversations just appropriate to her age.

A little three-year-old (or even a child several years older) is not going to remember her passing, but very important, question all the way till the end of the day when she gets to see Mama or Daddy again. How blessed I am to be there!

Best of all was a conversation with John (almost 8). He told me that he had a new idea for his future career . . . to be a Christian movie-maker. There was a recent film he wanted to watch but Daddy and I explained that it had a strongly pagan message to it, so our family wasn't going to watch it. John hatched the idea that there must be other kids who desire to see such films as he does, so he would grow up to be a Christian filmmaker in order to make movies with a Christian theme.

I chatted about those careers. I said that some movies are not outright inappropriate or evil for all ages, so can be watched when one is older and very strong and educated in one's faith, but that parents must guard children especially carefully because children believe basically everything they see and hear.

John: "I am like a magnet and the refrigerator is my faith."

Mama: "What?"

John: "The refrigerator is faith and you are a magnet sticking on it strongly. But I am a magnet still in your hand and you're placing me on the refrigerator. That's why I have to be more careful about movies."

I could have missed that ten-minute conversation! Amidst all the fatigue, the wish for more breaks, the desire to have coffee with a girlfriend more than twice per year, the yearning for accolades, recognition, and raises--amidst all of that--I get to be here for all these moments. Thank God! And thanks to my husband who supports me!


Bonus Reading on a related topic: Staying Home with Your Kids When You Can Barely Afford It

Gluten vs. Glutton

You know your five-year-old is a Catholic but not a foodie when . . . 

This week on Taco Night, Mary's eyes fell on the bag of tortilla chips (which just so happen to be naturally gluten-free, not that we eat gluten-free).

The chip bag advertised GLUTEN-FREE.

Her eyes widened and she asked us, alarmed, "The chip company is giving away free sin?!"

Prayer After Meals Before Meals!

A very easy way to pray for the poor holy souls in purgatory is to pray 'Prayer After Meals':

We give Thee thanks for all Thy benefits, O Almighty God, who livest and reignest forever. And may the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

But if you're anything like our family, the big question is: when does the meal end? We have been praying Prayer After Meals for years, but with difficulty, and only after supper because of that difficulty. Tiny tots end their eating at various times. Little children aren't able to sit at the table quietly and wait till everyone is done eating so that we can pray and end our meal simultaneously. And I imagine that a family with numerous middle-schoolers and teenagers may have a problem of people finishing their meal at various times because they are dashing off to evening events.

We tried our best and would let children be excused, but then call them back to the table (no easy task) to say the Prayer After Meals. Or, if most people were done eating, we'd announce that we were going to pray the concluding prayer, but that anyone still eating could finish up afterward. Awkward, at best.

Then we discovered that we know two families (each twice as large as ours) who have figured out an innovative solution to the awkwardness: pray Prayer Before Meals and Prayer After Meals at the start of the meals! As far as I know, the Prayer Police aren't going to knock on our door and tell us we're doing it wrong, all wrong.

Now all three meals start like this:

Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts which we are about to receive from Thy Bounty, through Christ, Our Lord. Amen. We give Thee thanks for all Thy benefits, O Almighty God, who livest and reignest forever. And may the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

The meals end more peacefully, with children being excused as they finish eating--having to be called back only to help clean the kitchen, which is all the adventure I need each night. I calculate that with this simple change we've increased our prayers for the poor holy souls by more than 300%!

Altar Boy Camp Day 3

7:00 a.m. Wake up

7:30 a.m. Morning prayers 

(Each day they prayed a Morning Offering, an Act of Faith, Act of Hope, and Act of Charity, plus the Angelus)

8:00 a.m.  Breakfast

Tent inspection

While Chris had stepped away, John got his tent spic-n-span for inspection all by himself, without being asked. Mama makes a mental note that this has never happened at home before.

Tent inspection

8:30 a.m. Altar boy practice

An iconic photo that perfectly captures our boy, wearing his beloved Converse beneath his cassock,
and his goofy sense of humor.

11:00 a.m.  Lunch

11:45 a.m.  Ice skating

Daddy tipped a rink worker to spend half an hour teaching John how to ice skate.

2:30 p.m.  Sports . . . Think of the money to be made if we could bottle and sell the energy possessed by these boys!

First they played dodge ball  . . .

Why yes, this mother noticed, her boy is playing dodge ball barefoot in this dust,
while kicking balls hard, because that's a good idea, right?

 











. . . then they had a water balloon fight!

4:00 p.m. Snack and clean-up

6:00 p.m.  Solemn High Mass of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus

The consecration

John got to be a torch-bearer!

The entire class of Altar Boy Camp 2014

The boys had a fabulous time at a camp that was masculine, inspiring, edifying, wholesome, and holy. A parent could hardly ask for more for her child.

Altar Boy Camp Day 2

6:00 a.m. Wake-up call. Each team has 15 minutes to get ready. (And I bet that went really well, in stark contrast to my trying to get the children ready and through their chores at home. I note that the camp schedule is my dream of dressing and doing duties first before breakfast--a change I keep trying to make in the home to massive revolt and outright mutiny from the small troops. This camp experience encourages me to try anew.)

6:30 a.m. Morning prayers, Confession available.

7:00 a.m. Mass

8:00 a.m. Breakfast, tent clean-up, inspections (See! This is just what I've been trying and failing to do at home! Note how inspections scheduled into the routine are required in order for anything to get done . . . just like Managers of Their Homes admonishes, just like in the military. Inspect what you expect.)

9:00 Gregorian chant  (I bet our son loved this, as first preference was to chant the family rosary in English, until he learned Latin and began chanting that way! I tell him I can't keep up with him.)

10:00 Rosary 

10:30 Altar boy practice

Today Fr. N. taught the boys all about FIRE!

A boy's dream: getting to light and snuff the candles!

12:30 Lunch (I bet the boys work up a nice appetite in four-and-a-half hours without a snack and there isn't much complaining about lunch or 'not being hungry' until twenty minutes after Mama has closed the kitchen.)

1:30 p.m. Clean-up (And shall we hazard to guess that this means the boys are cleaning up and not being patronized by adults acting like restaurant staff?)

Cooling down my sweaty boy after soccer

1:30 Sports (kickball, dodge ball, soccer)

Dear Fr. N. leading catechism under a shady tree.
I've had many ladies tell me they won't dress modestly in the heat. Traditional priests where cassocks over their outfits in all weather--it is in the 90s at camp this week--and even during sports. (True for habited nuns as well.)

3:30 p.m. Catechism

The seminarian helping John choose the right size cassock and surplice

4:00 p.m. Altar boy practice

5:00 p.m. Time with the visiting seminarian

6:00 p.m. Dinner

7:00 p.m. Clean-up

7:15 p.m. Dodge ball

8:15 p.m. Campfire, s'mores . . . and spear-fishing slideshow from the priest who grew up in the Caribbean Islands in a family of spear fishermen! I bet that presentation held the boys' attention.

Night prayers led by the priest

10:00 p.m. Lights out (but the boys ran way late last night . . .)

Now, I only wish my son had five minutes to call home and say 'hello' to his old mother holding down the fort at home--one of the parents making this trip possible for him--but his time is too occupied and he's having too grand of a time for that.

Altar Boy Camp Day 1

My first born is at sleep away camp.

John and his dad leaving in the dark hours of the morning

And on the eve of John's first sleep away camp, is it really any wonder to anyone who knows me to find out that I had insomnia and slept only from midnight to four because I was worrying about everything terrible that might befall him?

Even though his dad is with him?!

Yes, really.

A parish run by the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter is running an Altar Boy Camp for its local boys. We caught wind of it and were allowed to participate because the pastor is the priest who married us and we've kept in friendly touch for these eight years.

So, today at five, John woke up on his own, having slept in his daytime clothes "just to be ready", and woke up his dad--didn't need to wake up his insomnia mother--ready to load the car and hit the road for their four-hour drive.

Home away from home

The parish has a large grassy area and sports field, so the boys are camping right there, using the parish, the kitchen, and its many classrooms for various needs. Young boys like John have their fathers staying with them, but the older boys may be there on their own. There are about thirty boys, eleven dads, and three clergy.

John is on Red Team, obviously

The boys are divided into four teams by color, our boy being on 'Red Team.' The teams range in age, so John's has two experienced altar servers, one who is a Master of Ceremonies and one who has almost achieved that rank, down to some boys with no experience at all. The boys are learning about hierarchy through these teams, going to their Team Leaders first, priests second.

Catechism class taught by a priest

Playing kickball

They are running these boys ragged, which is what I hear is the secret recipe for keeping teenaged boys out of trouble. Works for boys of all ages, I hazard to guess! The boys were given a (fabulous, might I say) list of behavioral expectations ahead of time which they had to sign and return to the priests.

Playing dodgeball

In the early evening, the boys got to serve their first traditional Latin Mass. John has served two private Masses in a home, but this was his first in a church.

John waiting before Mass beneath the St. John Bosco stained glass window: how appropriate!

John sitting still

The first duty of an altar boy is to learn how to SIT STILL. I hear report from Daddy that John did a good job sitting very still for more than an hour, only fidgeting his hands a bit. (Of course, who had much energy left to fidget after doing sports most of the time for the prior five hours? Can we parents, mothers especially, learn some lessons here?)

Mama is overjoyed and the obvious only occurred to me after receiving these photos: I would not be witnessing my firstborn son serve his first Mass, which I've dreamed of for so many years. I always assumed I'd be there!

John's feet don't reach the floor

Chris called home at 8:30 p.m. to check in and I answered, thinking that everyone was settling in for bedtime. Actually, they were done with the Mass and the boys were changing back into their sports clothes to play soccer.

"They're starting a soccer game at eight thirty at night?! When are they going to bed?"

"After the bonfire."

"They're playing soccer and having a bonfire before going to bed!" (Yes, the bonfire where the Army sergeant-turned-priest will give a pocket knife usage and safety lesson: boy heaven!)

And, of course, Mama's soft heart is all worried about her boy not getting enough sleep because what? he might die? Because he might have so much fun, play so many sports, have so much great character formation, and learn so much about the Mass for three whole days before he gets back to his regular routine that what exactly bad might happen to him?

Right. Nothing. These will probably be the best three days of his young life thus far.

Daily Spiritual Reading

Doing daily spiritual reading (as it is generally called) is an important part of a Catholic's spiritual life: it is a truism among spiritual directors that our souls don't stand still, so we are either advancing in holiness or becoming more worldly. The Church, priests, saints, and spiritual directors have long recommended daily spiritual reading for lay Catholics as well as religious.

Our current basket of spiritual reading choices: my intention is to refresh the children's books once every week or so.

What is spiritual reading? I came across a short, useful article describing it by Fr. John Barfunek.

"Spiritual reading consists of reading something that explains some aspect of Catholic truth in an attractive, enriching way. Its function is to help reinforce and deepen our Christian view of ourselves and the world around us. In previous eras, popular culture itself was imbued with the Christian world view, so even popular books and dramas would reinforce the Christian value system. But now that is not the case. Instead, our minds are flooded every day by messages (advertisements, films, TV shows, news, music) that directly contradict the Christian world view. That will have its effect on how we think and what we value. In fact, this is one of the reasons the Church is suffering so much from so-called cafeteria Catholics. They get their Catholic formation from secular sources (The New York Times, Newsweek…), and so they simply can’t understand why the Church would ever be against such popular and seemingly reasonable propositions like artificial contraception, artificial reproduction, and gay marriage. Because of this ongoing flood of secular ideals, we have to consciously nourish our minds with authentic Christian teaching in order to avoid being poisoned. That’s what spiritual reading can do."

Mary and John so far prefer to read from antique missals, about 100 years old, designed for adults, not children.
And they're really reading them! Mary seems to enjoy the litanies of prayer the most.

How does one do spiritual reading?

"Spiritual reading differs from plain reading not only in the content, but also in the method. You don’t need to spend a lot of time doing spiritual reading; fifteen minutes a day is fine. And you don’t need to read fast. The idea is simply to taste, chew on, and swallow some healthy Catholic concepts every day. The difference between spiritual reading and meditation is the end result. The goal of your meditation is to converse with the Lord about what matters to him and what matters to you. The reflection and consideration that forms part of your meditation is meant to spur that conversation in your heart. The goal of spiritual reading is to inform your mind; it doesn’t finish with a prayerful conversation (though that can sometimes pop up spontaneously, which is fine!)."

John, looking at a picture book because he didn't feel like reading that day.
But that is beneficial too: looking at sacred heart lifts our minds to holy things,
can even be a form of Ignatian meditation which puts us in the scene of Jesus' life.

What if I don't think I have time to read? My blog readers are generally very busy mothers (most of them homeschooling), so I know from experience that it is a major challenge to make the time and space for spiritual reading.

"But if you’re not a reader, or if you think you don’t have time, you can also get creative. Good Catholic novels (novels imbued with a Catholic world view, where characters exemplify Christian virtue in a realistic but inspiring way) can serve as a kind of spiritual reading. Listening while you drive or exercise to recordings of spiritual talks, homilies, or conferences (or books on tape, or even good Catholic podcasts) can also do the trick."

(See my blog post about online sources of orthodox Catholic homilies, great to listen to while driving, walking on the treadmill, or cooking in the kitchen!)

Margaret sometimes like to be "just like" Big Sister and Big Brother,
so she pretends to read from an adult's missal.

In our home, I've been trying to do daily spiritual reading--in the morning when I wake up--for about three years now, since my pastor recommended it for my spiritual development. He told me that he uses "Divine Intimacy" for his spiritual reading and, having heard it recommended myself from many traditional Catholics, that is what I chose for myself as well. This book of three-page daily meditations which follows the traditional calendar has been a rich source of meditation and graces for me. My practice of daily reading has waxed and waned through various seasons, but I keep "getting back on that old horse!" I rarely get to read in solitary silence with my cup of coffee. Usually there are kids running around, someone begging for breakfast, the baby nursing in my arms, and sometimes even "Barney" playing on the television. I keep on trying.

My morning spiritual reading rarely looks as peaceful as this, but I sure do feel refreshed when it does!

Now, more than a month ago, my husband discovered a layman's version of the traditional Divine Office and he began using this for morning prayers (as well as afternoon and evening). While technically this is a book of prayers, which is not the same as spiritual reading, from the perspective of the children, they saw Daddy sitting down each morning with a solemn black book and talking to God. And although they had seen Mama do that nearly every morning for several years, my practice had seemingly had no effect on them.

Fathers are so important. 

Chris and I had no anticipation of this effect, but within about a week of their watching their daddy do spiritual reading each morning--often snuggling next to him on the couch--they were begging to do their own spiritual reading! Having us do spiritual reading as a family had been on my heart for some time and I had even consulted other mothers who assign morning spiritual reading to all their children: 'just how does one do that?" Now here, I didn't even have to institute spiritual reading as yet one more of Mama's Great Ideas because the Holy Ghost orchestrated it for me!

I can assign John or Mary to read a toddler's holy book to Joseph
and that will keep him still--for a couple of minutes, at least!

Now the kids enthusiastically remind me that after breakfast (whether we're still in PJs or are dressed already), we're going to gather in the den to do our spiritual reading. I assembled a basket of holy books for all ages: board books for Joseph, picture books for Margaret, easy readers for Mary and John, and Chris' and my chosen books. We aim for silence for ten to fifteen minutes, but what that really looks like is quiet, punctuated by a one-year-old running around the room and a three-year-old chattering about her book of choice.

Truly, all four sitting on the couch, doing holy reading quietly: it's like a miracle.

Our morning spiritual reading as a family now ranks as perhaps my favorite time of the day!