Today Thomas turns six years old, a milestone he was statistically unlikely to see after cancer and massive surgical complications this past year. Our family is so grateful to the community of thousands who helped save Thomas: His medical team, including the Dr. Oesterheld and the oncology department, Dr. Bambini and the surgical department, so many other specialist doctors, the nursing staff, especially our beloved PICU nurses, the radiology department who did so many stat scans, the Child Life specialists (esp. Hailey, Leigh, and Annaliese) who worked so hard to keep him out of the depths of depression, the housekeeping staff who work diligently to keep patients from catching infections, and the therapy staff who helped Thomas gain back his strength. We thank the anonymous blood donors who provided the 93 units of blood products Thomas received. We thank our local community who pragmatically supported us so that I (Mama) especially could live at the hospital for 4.5 months and know my family was cared for: You made us nightly meals for 6+ months, you drove my kids to practical appointments as well as taking them to fun events and giving them gifts to distract and occupy them. We are grateful for how many financial donations we received this past year for all the expenses associated with Thomas's medical care. We appreciate our four nannies, Mary B., Abby R., Sarah C., and Rachel H., as well as innumerable emergency babysitters who stood in my place when I couldn't be there. We are grateful for Chris's employer (Hewlett Packard) and management chain for being so generous and flexible. We also thank our prayer warriors which probably number in the tens of thousands and all over the world, including priests, nuns, sisters, monks, and so many laity. We thank the saints for their intercession and God for His mercy.
Birthday breakfast at Metro Diner
Thomas's devoted surgeon Dr. Bambini graciously attended Thomas's party, which was an honor and a joy for our family. Given COVID restrictions this past year, our children have never been allowed to meet any of Thomas's medical team, until this party. (Thanks for permission to share this pic, Doctor!)
Dr. Bambini
Grilling hotdogs and hamburgers
Thomas's new playset
Face painting
Face painting "bat"
Face painting
Thomas Tiger!
Opening gifts
Opening gifts
Opening gifts
Thomas's Confirmation sponsor, Daniel C.
Drawing on his new easel
Gifts from family on birthday morning
Siblings
Joseph's gift to Thomas was a stuffed seahorse (with three babies in the pouch!).
Seahorse from Joseph
Spontaneously hugging his brother in thanks
Bedtime for Baby Sloth
Legos from Mary
Flowers from Uncle Steven and Aunt Elizabeth
Gifts from various loved ones: overalls, John Deere cap and gloves, and tool chest
Chris thanking our guests, expressing gratitude for LIFE, and blessing the food
I enjoyed going back to read his birth story, a cold induction due to pre-eclampsia with my homebirth midwife acting as my doula in the hospital (click here for a trip down memory lane).
David is actually the first of the children to celebrate a second birthday in this home, as we moved into it just over a year ago. Click here for another trip down memory lane, which I found poignant because Grandmom and Pop-Pops were able to be here for that birthday, as they were present for almost every single birthday of their dozen grandchildren in three different states. However, Grandmom is still recovering from ventilator damage from her severe COVID, so she is isolated and alone (a barbaric policy) in her acute long-term care facility after five months . . . not here with us for a birthday. We miss her.
Everything is a little bit strange in the Bizarro World of Cancer that we are living in. This past week, David has told me repeatedly that he is turning five years old, has a lump in his belly, and is going to start Kindergarten next week. It is poignant for me to see how a tiny little boy is processing his big brother's cancer and accompanying positive attention Thomas is receiving.
Has not mastered 'three' with his fingers yet
Thomas (5) drew David and Goliath for David's card
David received a lap desk from Grandpa and loved it so much that he ran upstairs, in the midst of his opening gifts, to go "do some school!" Then, when we had to drive Dad to the mechanic to pick up our van, David could be convinced to join us peacefully only if we brought his lap desk in the car!
Balloons were delivered to David! Thank you!
David had said he wanted a "pool party," so our family went swimming in the afternoon.
After dinner and rosary, we enjoyed Baskin-Robbins cake!
All day long, David had been hauling around his lap desk, writing on papers, which he called "doing my business." As in, No, I don't want to play that game. I'm DOING MY BUSINESS.
At bedtime, I told him to run up to his bedroom and I would be right there to do bedtime routine. When I walked into the room, I found him sitting in his bed, doing more business with his lap desk! So precious!
What a joy-filled day with a boy who beams joy most of his waking hours!
This birthday was laden with heavy meaning for us.
While we waited a month for Thomas's cancer staging results, one of which has a 40-60% survival rate versus one with a 90% survival rate, we had to face wondering if this would be the last birthday Thomas would experience. That is a profound meditation that shouldn't be reserved to when one knows a person has cancer because we're all one step closer to death every day, but grave illness has a way of putting these realities square in front of our awareness.
On a lighter but still sad note, I grieved the symbol of being unable to host Thomas's first "real" birthday party. In our family, we host parties with invited guests only on the "big" numbers, such as five years old, ten, thirteen, and so forth. Thomas knew that for his upcoming fifth birthday--which he'd been counting down to at least weekly for ten months--was going to be his First Birthday Party. Yet I knew it wouldn't be prudent to host many little guests and this symbolic loss (along with hair loss) were things that brought me to tears.
We are profoundly grateful for a birthday to celebrate and that so many loved ones found a way to join Thomas safely on his special day.
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Thomas was up for the day at 5:30 a.m. just waiting in the dark hallway for a parent to wake up, stumble upon him, and escort him downstairs. He opened his gifts early in the morning!
His siblings gave him a Brio train set.
New pajamas from godparents
New shoes and bicycle helmet from Grandpa
The Meaning Behind Thomas's Big Gift
One of the astonishing graces during this experience is Thomas's docility, which is not an adjective I would have used for him previously. Some close friends and blog readers may recall that Thomas YELLED EVERYTHING HE EVER SPOKE for a couple of years (until this spring), such that back in January, I actually took him for a hearing test because I thought he must have diminished hearing: nope, he had perfect hearing!
Chris and I think that Thomas's docility is one of God's graces coming from his receiving early the Catholic Sacrament of Confirmation. No matter what treatment we have had to tell him he needs, Thomas accepts it: scans, surgery, chemotherapy. Just this weekend, Thomas began taking his prescription of Septra, which is an antibiotic specifically to ward off Pneumocystis pneumonia, caused by a fungus that 20% of us are carrying at any given time, but which we can fight it off easily. However, people with a severely compromised immune system (typically those taking chemotherapy or those with HIV) will succumb to this serious illness. Thus, cancer patients take Septra for the whole duration of treatment and Thomas tells me it doesn't taste very good. However, all I did was announce cheerfully that this was a new medication he would be taking four times weekly now and he takes it, even though it requires his willpower to walk over to me and put it in his mouth. No complaints.
We have had to repeatedly take away privileges from him, such as being allowed to ride a bicycle (fall risk), play any contact sports (bruising and bleeding risk), or go to Mass and see his friends (immunocompromised). He has yet to fight us on any of this and we remain confounded. Thomas began riding a bicycle at three years old--and never used training wheels--so has long been a speedster on a bicycle. He rides better than children many years older and even does bicycling tricks. But when we told him that he would not be able to ride his bike for a long time, he accepted it and has never once tried to ride it.
Therefore, we wanted to buy him something he could ride safely in the cul-de-sac with his siblings even when he is tired from chemotherapy. Despite my declaring vehemently for the last 13 years that none of my children would ever own a ride-on vehicle--because they should be out exercising their bodies! and no kid should own a toy so expensive!--we decided to buy one for Thomas because it perfectly fits his needs right now. God laughs at my ideals!
Astonished to discover a ride-on toy waiting for him on the porch!
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While Daddy supervised Thomas and his brothers riding around the cul-de-sac, John (13) made crepes for Thomas's birthday breakfast! Sugar-bomb fun!
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At three o'clock, Thomas's Drive-By Birthday Celebration began!
One neighbor loaned us the birthday lawn sign, another neighbor loaned us the canopy, and a third the bubble machine. I picked up pinwheels, party hats, and party horns at the dollar store. We dragged out an oscillating fan, folding chairs, and ice water to help us in the heat that was 93 degrees and 53% humidity ("feels like" index of 103).
I had prepared party favor bags which contained candy (but not chocolate, which would melt), Christian stickers, straws, Thomas's sacramental holy card from his Confirmation and First Holy Communion, and personalized pencils I had made up that read, "I'm a prayer warrior for Thomas! God's will be done on earth as it is in Heaven!"
About sixty cars full of dear friends and lovely well-wishers took time out of their day to come wave hello to Thomas! Sixty! So many of you decorated your cars in fun and zany ways, dropped off cards, gifts, and homebaked goods.
We were also blessed to be visited by our local police officer and the nearby fire department! Chris had called them and, while they have stopped doing kids' parties in general (I don't know why), when they heard about Thomas's cancer, they said absolutely, tell me time and place. These guys have the hearts of heroes!
The police officer gave Thomas a kid's kit of items, including a coloring book. Thomas colors, draws, and makes art all day long (while humming quietly to himself), I'm telling you, so once he had this coloring book, he told us that he had "important police work to do" in his "office." He colored fervently and I had to pull him away each time a new car arrived.
The firemen gave Thomas the patch they wear to identify themselves as part of Fire House No. 24. It's not a kid's version, but the real patch the firemen get for their uniforms when they join the fire house.
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I was grateful that Thomas had requested take out from Cook Out (a local fast food joint) for his birthday dinner because there was no way I could cook after being in "feels like" 103 heat for an hour and a half. We lay flopped in the air conditioned den with the lights dark while watching cartoons!
Baskin-Robbins ice cream cake
We revived enough for a quick dinner and cake before nice cool baths and early bedtime for all the little boys who refused to nap today (and nighttime swimming for older siblings!).
Thank you all for making this one of the most special birthdays in our family's experience of the last 14 years.
