We have been absent from our family blog for one month
exactly as our son Thomas was diagnosed with cancer. We were publishing over at
CaringBridge (https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/thomaslauer/), but
are now going to try to bring the two together seamlessly in order to continue
the family blog I have written for 14 years. This blog post is copied from
CaringBridge and is being published retroactively.
God gave us two sweet gifts this morning! (1) David slept ALL NIGHT for the first time in his life, when he normally wakes me numerous times per night because I haven't bothered to night wean him yet. Given much insomnia I've had since Tom's diagnosis, getting to sleep five hours straight without interruption was rejuvenating. (2) Thomas slept late-for-him till 7:15 when we needed to leave at 7:30 so--initially at least--he did not have time to even feel any hunger from fasting!
I have been well aware, quietly in my heart, that the outpouring of love from the Body of Christ over the weekend would not necessarily mean that this would turn out to be a easier road. I am no longer the "baby Christian" I was upon my conversion in my 20s, so I knew that this shoring up, this filling of my heart, might actually be occurring before the cross is revealed in all its weight.
The staff was generally wonderful all day as we went here, there, and everywhere. We arrived on time at 8:00, but they did not bring us back to the procedure room until 9:20, by which time Thomas was very much feeling his fasting. He needed to both drink contrast dye and get an IV to receive contrast dye through the veins. We thought the IV would go well because Tom was a peaceful lamb while our pediatrician drew three vials of blood last week. However, for whatever reason, it took four attempts over an hour for the staff in the CT department to get an IV placed. Tom was fine at first and it turns out he is "a watcher." He does not care for any of the distractions the Child Life Specialist is trying to provide him. She was placing books and iPads directly in his line of sight so he could not look at the needle work, and he would shove them away. He liked learning about all the parts and he liked watching--calmly for the whole first IV and even the beginning of the second.They got the first IV in and then--I do not know all the technicalities--it wasn't placed right, so they had to dig it around at all kinds of angles for many minutes before finally giving up. They did that two more times, by which time Thomas was screaming in my lap and weeping and begging . . . but I noted he never tried to get up or flee. I was always holding him lightly. He was still a docile, sweet boy in his fear. Finally, the three staff trying to get the job done brought in an M.D. from anesthesia and he placed it quickly and efficiently, in his hand this time. By then, Thomas was nearly hyperventilating and I think I was allowing Our Lady to work through me because how calm and soothing I appeared to my boy was very different than my natural instinct as a human mother to do anything to make his fear be banished.
Once the IV was finally placed and Thomas took 15 minutes to calm down in my arms, the rest was so much easier. We were taken to radiology for the CT scan, he did beautifully in the machine while I held his hand. They got their images perfectly clear on the first try because of how still he laid. He was famished by 11:00 at that point, so the staff gave him their own personal snacks so he could eat immediately.
We were already due in Oncology for a consultation at that point, but CT had delayed us, so we just had Tom eat through all the snacks while we trekked to the next building over.
The staff was so kind and saw us so quickly. I imagine what it is to work in a career where you know every day you are working with terrified parents and very sick children.
The CT scan gave them a much clearer picture of the tumor, but they want to do another more thorough scan and a biopsy prior to recommending a treatment path. They discovered that the tumor is not attached to the kidney as previously thought. There is some good and bad to this, as Thomas will likely be able to keep both of his kidneys; however, the Wilm's tumor (kidney tumor) might have had an easier treatment path. This type of tumor is close to major organs and arteries and they need a more detailed picture. (Who knew there were more detailed pictures than provided by CT?!)
I have been well aware, quietly in my heart, that the outpouring of love from the Body of Christ over the weekend would not necessarily mean that this would turn out to be a easier road. I am no longer the "baby Christian" I was upon my conversion in my 20s, so I knew that this shoring up, this filling of my heart, might actually be occurring before the cross is revealed in all its weight.
The staff was generally wonderful all day as we went here, there, and everywhere. We arrived on time at 8:00, but they did not bring us back to the procedure room until 9:20, by which time Thomas was very much feeling his fasting. He needed to both drink contrast dye and get an IV to receive contrast dye through the veins. We thought the IV would go well because Tom was a peaceful lamb while our pediatrician drew three vials of blood last week. However, for whatever reason, it took four attempts over an hour for the staff in the CT department to get an IV placed. Tom was fine at first and it turns out he is "a watcher." He does not care for any of the distractions the Child Life Specialist is trying to provide him. She was placing books and iPads directly in his line of sight so he could not look at the needle work, and he would shove them away. He liked learning about all the parts and he liked watching--calmly for the whole first IV and even the beginning of the second.They got the first IV in and then--I do not know all the technicalities--it wasn't placed right, so they had to dig it around at all kinds of angles for many minutes before finally giving up. They did that two more times, by which time Thomas was screaming in my lap and weeping and begging . . . but I noted he never tried to get up or flee. I was always holding him lightly. He was still a docile, sweet boy in his fear. Finally, the three staff trying to get the job done brought in an M.D. from anesthesia and he placed it quickly and efficiently, in his hand this time. By then, Thomas was nearly hyperventilating and I think I was allowing Our Lady to work through me because how calm and soothing I appeared to my boy was very different than my natural instinct as a human mother to do anything to make his fear be banished.
Once the IV was finally placed and Thomas took 15 minutes to calm down in my arms, the rest was so much easier. We were taken to radiology for the CT scan, he did beautifully in the machine while I held his hand. They got their images perfectly clear on the first try because of how still he laid. He was famished by 11:00 at that point, so the staff gave him their own personal snacks so he could eat immediately.
We were already due in Oncology for a consultation at that point, but CT had delayed us, so we just had Tom eat through all the snacks while we trekked to the next building over.
The staff was so kind and saw us so quickly. I imagine what it is to work in a career where you know every day you are working with terrified parents and very sick children.
The CT scan gave them a much clearer picture of the tumor, but they want to do another more thorough scan and a biopsy prior to recommending a treatment path. They discovered that the tumor is not attached to the kidney as previously thought. There is some good and bad to this, as Thomas will likely be able to keep both of his kidneys; however, the Wilm's tumor (kidney tumor) might have had an easier treatment path. This type of tumor is close to major organs and arteries and they need a more detailed picture. (Who knew there were more detailed pictures than provided by CT?!)
Thomas will be going in for two days of testing on Wednesday (couple of hours) and Thursday (Very Long Day). Chris and I are going to be trying valiantly to stay off of Doctor Google because it really is nothing but bad for us to be learning about possibilities when there is so much information that has to be determined by further testing. So, if we're going to stay off Doctor Google, we're going to be quiet for now about what is being researched . . . or you are all going to be on Doctor Google! That would be funny.
After all was said and done, we finally got Tom a meal (at Chick-Fil-A) and drove home. Both Child Life Specialists today loved him. All day he was so inquisitive, loved to learn how everything worked, and was docile. Forget about the iPads, he wanted to color everywhere he went. As we walked in to the house, he referred to his emergency Confirmation yesterday and told his dad and me, "Since I'm a holy soldier now, I'm not going to say 'no' anymore."
May we all try to intentionally submit ourselves to God's will by not saying no.
After all was said and done, we finally got Tom a meal (at Chick-Fil-A) and drove home. Both Child Life Specialists today loved him. All day he was so inquisitive, loved to learn how everything worked, and was docile. Forget about the iPads, he wanted to color everywhere he went. As we walked in to the house, he referred to his emergency Confirmation yesterday and told his dad and me, "Since I'm a holy soldier now, I'm not going to say 'no' anymore."
May we all try to intentionally submit ourselves to God's will by not saying no.
"Even suffering is part of the truth of our life. Thus, trying to shield the youngest from every difficulty and experience of suffering, we risk creating, despite our good intentions, fragile persons of little generosity: The capacity to love, in fact, corresponds to the capacity to suffer, and to suffer together."
--- Pope Benedict XVI
--- Pope Benedict XVI
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