A certain four-year-old cherub with big and volatile emotions seems to be having the most difficult reaction to the new baby, to not being the center of attention. I decided to take her on a Mommy-Daughter (and Newborn) Date today, making it the third time I'd gone out of the house since having Joseph. We went to lunch at Chik-Fil-A and shopping for some baby supplies at BuyBuy Baby. I hope that the one-on-one time and giving her opportunity to chatter at me for two hours has good effect. Look at how thrilled she was (above photo)!
This is a reminder to me that it is increasingly hard to give each child individual attention. Obviously we don't fall in the camp of thinking children need so much individual attention that a family should limit themselves to having one or two children (a common belief these days), but I do see that children enjoy basking in attention. Chris is able to have special outings with individual children throughout the week because he can do errands on his own and is very thoughtful about always taking a child with him. But the mama is going to tend to be the one at home with the children, so when I go on errands, it is very often with all the children. I can't just leave children at home with Chris during his work day so I can take one child with me as a special treat, of course. Therefore, I'm seeking for how I can give some individual attention from within the confines of the home. Any ideas, fellow mothers?
One tactic I plan to implement as soon as I'm the one cooking my own dinners again is having a Dinner Helper each night, with John and Mary alternating nights: one is the Dinner Helper, the other is assigned to Playing With Margaret. I've already done it twice and it worked beautifully, keeping the big kids apart and unable to fight, keeping the toddler out of my hair, and letting me have one-on-one time with a big kid.
I've heard of some mothers who take an evening walk each night and rotate taking one child with them every evening. Of course, that means I'd have to exercise . . .
What are some other ideas (inexpensive or free and easy to implement) to have one-on-one time with each child without having to do extra special outings (like lunch at a restaurant) every time?
Ooo, I like the evening walk idea...following comments :-)
ReplyDeleteJust read on my favorite blog today (dyno-mom.com) how she gives sticker rewards for good behavior (nothing specific, just noticing when they are good) and at the end of the month whoever has the most gets a movie night with mom & dad after the others go to bed. Maybe you wouldn't want a 4 yr old up past her bedtime, but, maybe once a month for a special treat would be ok? Or maybe there is a way to adapt that to some daytime activity.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered doing something during quiet time??? Maybe alternate weeks between John and Mary. But on only one day. Like every Wednesday one of the children gets special time with Mommy during quiet time? Just not sure if that disrupt the routine of quiet time too much.
ReplyDeleteSorry if this is a little jumbled, it's 2am pregnancy induced insomnia/reflux wakefulness....
I love the dinner helper and walking idea. Those are useful---teaching food prep skills (even if it isn't much help to you) and getting exercise along with 1-on-1 time.
ReplyDeleteAnna: Sorry for the insomnia and reflux! It will be over soon!
ReplyDeleteSo far, I guard Quiet Time too preciously to share it. If I don't get Mama's Quiet Time, I'm more of a bear!
hahaha that's what I was thinking, but thought I'd throw it out there. The other two main ideas, going on a walk or Dinner Helper are great ideas.
ReplyDeleteMy ideas: taking walks, planting flowers, reading books they have chosen... My older kids are older than yours, and I'm finding they truly do need one on one attention quite a bit. I try to catch it on the way to the store (easier for me to shop in the evenings now). , on the way to music lessons, gymnastics, etc.... I know this doesn't apply to you since you homeschool, but I arrange childcare/or my husband comes home and I go on field trips or volunteer with my child's classroom as they express the interest. Perpetua would prefer if I came to her class every day. :-)
ReplyDeleteI find that I need to increase the importance of them getting time together from their siblings. This helps take the pressure off me feeling I need to be their one and only.
ReplyDeleteThe walk and dinner helpers are lovely ideas! I like to give my children special time by taking one child grocery shopping with me. When they were little I would let the child I took be responsible for picking one of the kinds of cereal(among approved choices) and pick a "treat" food for the week, ie: fruit snacks, cookies, or granola/fruit bars. I also think it is important to spend time with all the children when you are all doing a common activity they enjoy so they can see how much they enjoy being with their siblings and how fun sharing mama's love can be. I know this seems like a given, but it can be tricky to make sure we do this consistantly and keep it fun and positive. I have had some challenges doing this with the big space between my last two children. The girls want to do something much different than what William wants to do so I have to be very creative in planning activities we will all enjoy. Even coming up with a movie for us all to watch together can be a challenge. When I had William Kate was 8, John is six, so even with Joseph and John you will run into some of these issues when John is older. It didn't seem like that big of a space at first, but now that Kate is 14 and Will is 5, it seems huge! John will be starting "Junior High" when Joseph is 6. Good luck, I know I sometimes struggle to include each child, and I only have three!
ReplyDeleteOh, congrats on the continued successes with nursing, he is such a cutie!