I'd love to hear from moms in the Early Years and from moms with more experience about what goals and actual accomplishments you have for the prayer life you foster with your children. I think there are as many variations as there are faith-filled families.
Here is what we've been trying lately, keeping in mind that our prayer life is like an old jalopy: starting off with a loud bang, sputtering, puttering, sometimes going fast, sometimes stalling out in a ditch!
Morning Offering: For Catholics, this means saying some morning prayers, greeting God for the day, and offering up in advance one's works and sufferings to the Lord. I have been trying this with the section of "Morning Prayers" for an antique missal we have. I discovered that the whole fifteen minutes was too long for these little kids, so lately I have been trying an abbreviated section of the same prayers, lasting about three minutes. One question is when to say these prayers? The moments when we first wake up are chaotic, plus people wake at different times. Praying at the table right before breakfast has the benefit of the children already being gathered (don't have to gather them twice), but then the food is getting cold. I like best an idea I got from a mom-acquaintance of eight children: they pray at seven o'clock, so everyone is up by then, but breakfast isn't on the table yet.
Blessing Before Meals and After Meals: We pray grace before all meals and snacks, and we pray Blessing After Meals at least after dinner together.
The Angelus: Traditionally the Angelus (which takes about two minutes) is prayed at 6:00 a.m., noon, and 6:00 p.m. I have been trying to pray it only at noon with the children--trying being the operative word. I find that I'm forgetting this very often because noon is our transition time between lunch and going upstairs for Quiet Time. Yet, I should be able to associate this prayer with that transition time. It's a work in progress. (Note that the beautiful painting, "The Angelus" shows that the pious farming couple pauses their work out in the fields to pray this prayer.)
The Rosary: For a Catholic family, we think that praying a daily rosary is probably the most important and formative prayer possible--if no other prayers are said! The graces that come from it are immense. Plus there is the pragmatic aspect that praying the rosary at home daily gives the children daily practice at sitting still during prayer, which is the perfect practice for Mass. In our family, we are still mastering praying one good decade with the children: for adults, this would take about three minutes, but it takes our children at least ten minutes because of various involvement, lack of involvement, and parental corrections. When we get good at one, we plan to add one more decade at a time until we're doing five.
A question is when to pray the rosary? Traditionally, families pray it in the evening after dinner. This can be difficult because the kids are at their worse then. But after playing around with it, we think there are good reasons for the traditional time after dinner. We are finding that it makes for a nice transition from the active day to the quiet bedtime. (We know one family in which the children clean up from dinner, dash to put on their pajamas, the family prays the rosary together, and then the littles go off to sleep and the bigger kids have quiet time in their rooms before bed.)
So, we've been praying the rosary after dinner. Usually I wash the dishes and the kids have picked up any mess in the den before we had dinner. Then when I'm done washing dishes, we all meet in the den to pray our decade. If it is a dessert night, we eat dessert after the rosary. But sometimes we've been praying our decade while still sitting at the dinner table, with our having only quickly cleared the plates off. This has the benefit of not having to gather the children a second time, but it only works if we've all finished eating at the same time and if the kids aren't already seriously done with sitting at the table.
Mass: Did you know that the Mass is actually a prayer? It is, in fact, the most important prayer for Catholics. We attend every Sunday and Day of Obligation, of course. Currently I am working on a goal of taking the children to one additional Mass during the week (for those who don't know, Mass is offered every single day, not just on Sundays). I am working into this gradually, as this is an intense season of my life as a mom, with only little kids, no bigs to help yet, and an infant in tow.
Bedtime Prayers: Then there are bedtime prayers. This is usually Daddy's domain because he does the bedtime routine with the "big" kids while I'm tending to the baby at her more fussy time. We try to work in basic prayers like the Our Father and the Angel of God prayer, plus our individual prayer intentions. At times we have been in a good routine of having each child do a private, age-appropriate Examination of Conscience during evening prayers, and this is a fantastic practice (I note to myself, who is totally out of the habit right now!).
Spontaneous Prayers: I would like to be better about small, heartfelt spontaneous prayers said throughout the day. This can be as small as responding to a child showing me a flower by saying, "How beautiful! Thank you, God, for giving us flowers to enjoy." "Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thess. 5:17-18). This kind of prayer does not come naturally to me, but it is so sweet to be interwoven into the day. Our children's godmother excels at this kind of prayer and I love witnessing it when we visit (which is never often enough).
What prayers do you do? What do you want to do as a goal? What has worked and what has failed?
We actually do the same thing you do - everything but the examination of conscience. We do rosary before bed. I also say prayers while I nurse Joan down at night - we're on day 4 of the no TV at all experiment! And actually, we don't have "TV" we just have a box and use movies...but even still I notice my prayer life has improved greatly.
ReplyDeleteRebecca: How funny that we're doing the same prayers and we didn't even talk about it.
ReplyDeleteAre you doing a decade or the whole Rosary? Another aspect I didn't remember to blog about is whether to do this on knees or to have lower standards for little kids. Right now, we sit for the rosary and have much difficulty with the kids flopping around constantly. I've wondered if kneeling would impart more seriousness, but I'm always holding a baby so I haven't been eager to start kneeling.
Great job on the TV experiment!
I haven't even read the whole post yet, and I have to dash for the kids' bedtime, but my first thought for morning prayers would be right before dad goes to work (whether that's out the door or into a home office). We sometimes have breakfast before my husband leaves and sometimes afterward, but either way when he's out the door that's when I know our day has really started.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I'll add more later!
We do 3 d's and are currently working our way up to 5. It's becoming part of our bedtime routine - kids in pajamas, and then it's rosary time @ 7:30. If we're out late, we do it in the car on the way home (in other words we're really trying to stick to schedules these days, so we wouldn't have the kids to rosary at home if we were out late, but we also don't want to skip rosary). Mostly we do it at home at 7:30. I don't expect them to kneel. I sit and nurse the baby, and we all sit on couches, the floor, wherever and focus our attention on a religious painting since my kids are still too young to really meditate on the mysteries...(though Ben and I will). Ben's Aunt Gloria with the 13 kids, 1/2 of whom entered the religious life, never made her kids kneel. It was "family style" rosary :-) I'm a big believer in do what works for your family regarding the rosary...the important thing is praying it together as a family!
ReplyDeleteI'm especially interested in your kneeling comment, Katherine - we're trying to get T to kneel during Rosary and night time prayers more, but she is rarely willing to do it for long (or at all). So how hard do we push it? Is kneeling something to demand obedience or punish with time-out? I hate to get her all worked up and then have her associate punishment and negativity with what is supposed to be a peaceful and joyful thing!
ReplyDeleteI too have a goal of saying the morning offering every day with the kids. I am somewhat haphazard about it though. basically, we say it as soon as I remember! ("Pray the first time, not the best time" is what I have to keep in mind!) Sometimes we are in my bedroom and kneel down by my bedside and look at the crucifix (I use the term "kneel" loosley for the kids who might be standing/leaning/twisting, etc!) Sometimes we do so in the kitchen sitting on the bench and looking at J&M, sometimes before I start cooking breakfast, sometimes immediately following our meal blessing, etc. It just depends! (And sometimes I forget :( )
ReplyDeleteBlessing before meals is one of our best prayer habits.
As for the Rosary, we've been pretty good about doing a decade a day in May and October, but haven't been able to carry it through the whole year - which is my goal, and someday say 5 decades as a family, but that is many years off for us I think. We say it in the evening, again when we remember amidst our typical hustle and bustle, but usually just before bedtime routine or as part of bedtime prayers if we didn't pray it shortly after dinner. ...So I'd say we as a family need to form better habits so as not to find ourselves "forgetting" so often and we might do well to decide on a specific time...?
Someday I hope to do at least one additional Mass per week and I also like the First Friday devotion which I hope to add to our family routines/devotions as well.
Interesting to hear that spontaneous prayers are difficult for you. (They are for me too.) I imagined that you must be modeling it a good deal for the occasions you have blogged about your kids' own spontaneous prayers!
Say, that reminds me... do you say anything when you hear ambulance/fire/police sirens? I figured this is a good opportunity for prayer (for those who might be in danger, for the firefighters or paramedics to be safe and do a good job, etc) instead of just acting like it is a fun light show going down the street. However, I always feel like my words are so awkward and clumsy. I don't really have a standard line. However, I've made an impression on the kids nonetheless b/c if I don't say anything they say, "Hey Mom! Pray for them!"
As for kneeling, we do not have a rule or policy about it at this time. We are usually just seated for prayers. Occasionally I try to kneel when I can muster the energy and for now I just hope the kids will choose to follow my example, which they do sometimes. At least they know it is an option. I do believe it is a good posture for prayer, however its not obligatory for good prayer, so we're flexible on that.
It's a work in progress for sure!
Sarah: We make the sign of the cross every time we drive past a Catholic Church. When we see an ambulance or accident, minimally we make the sign of the cross, and often we say a quick prayer (even if it sounds awkward), e.g., "Heavenly Father, please help those injured people be healed." You know, it would be a good idea to pray also that the people receive the Sacraments in time if they need them.
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