Drum roll please, I am making the declaration . . .
Mary is potty trained at 19-1/2 months!
While we were in California she regressed a little, as I expected, so when we got back I took away her diapers and it took her two days to become reoriented. For the last week, she has been wearing cotton trainer underwear full-time, including when we go on errands, social visits, and during her naps and overnights. I was not going to put her in underwear overnight, but the first night I took off her new Big Girl Underwear and put her in a diaper, she became very upset and demanded I switch her back. She has stayed dry for all of her naps and six of eight overnights (although I think staying dry overnight is mainly a hormone thing rather than a result of training, which is why it is so variable among children). She has stayed dry while we do errands, including one morning I visited four stores in a row. She stayed dry when we visited two friends at their homes this week, and when I left her with a babysitter at a third friend's home: Mary didn't ask the babysitter to take her to the potty, but she did stay dry for four hours till I got back. She even stayed dry during a (wonderful!) three-hour visit of a family with eight children, during which time Mary was away from me, playing with the children, utterly engrossed in those activities.
Mary is averaging zero to one accidents per day (and yesterday had two). Her weak spot is that she gets her choleric self all ruffled if I suggest we do a "potty check." If she doesn't feel the need, she doesn't want me telling her what to do and then she won't go visit the bathroom. Early in the week, I was making her visit the bathroom about once an hour and she simply went on strike, she was so angry. It was an awful day and the next day I threw up my hands, thinking, 'Fine, girl, you just do this on your own.' Well, it turns out that she needs to visit the potty only every three hours or so, making my frequent potty checks really irritating! This still remains a weak spot, though, because I know if she needs to visit the potty proactively because we're about to play outside, go on an errand, or go for a car drive, but she wants to wait till she feels it--which means coming in from outdoors, setting aside our grocery cart to find a public restroom, or pulling over from driving. It's not the most convenient, but that is okay with me!
I did some searching online for what is a definition of being potty trained and I read interesting debates about it. Mary still needs my help with her clothing and washing her hands, and she still absolutely benefits from my suggesting she visit the potty upon waking and at other times. So some people would consider that not potty trained because she is not 100% independent. I think that definition is unfairly restrictive. My three-and-a-half-year-old still needs help getting certain pairs of his pants back on and I expect to be reminding him to visit the facilities before we leave the house for another year or two--so that would make him not fully potty trained either.
A few days ago, I saw a grocery cart full of diapers with a "50% Off" sign on it. Wow, I can stock up! I rushed over and then realized I still have a half pack of diapers at home and I don't need more anyway. So I ended up buying one pack for $5 to donate to our crisis pregnancy center's diaper drive. (I would have bought them all at that price, but the remainder were sizes five and six, which are for big preschoolers and not so much for the clientele babies at a crisis pregnancy center.)
Three cheers for our big girl!
Mary is potty trained at 19-1/2 months!
While we were in California she regressed a little, as I expected, so when we got back I took away her diapers and it took her two days to become reoriented. For the last week, she has been wearing cotton trainer underwear full-time, including when we go on errands, social visits, and during her naps and overnights. I was not going to put her in underwear overnight, but the first night I took off her new Big Girl Underwear and put her in a diaper, she became very upset and demanded I switch her back. She has stayed dry for all of her naps and six of eight overnights (although I think staying dry overnight is mainly a hormone thing rather than a result of training, which is why it is so variable among children). She has stayed dry while we do errands, including one morning I visited four stores in a row. She stayed dry when we visited two friends at their homes this week, and when I left her with a babysitter at a third friend's home: Mary didn't ask the babysitter to take her to the potty, but she did stay dry for four hours till I got back. She even stayed dry during a (wonderful!) three-hour visit of a family with eight children, during which time Mary was away from me, playing with the children, utterly engrossed in those activities.
Mary is averaging zero to one accidents per day (and yesterday had two). Her weak spot is that she gets her choleric self all ruffled if I suggest we do a "potty check." If she doesn't feel the need, she doesn't want me telling her what to do and then she won't go visit the bathroom. Early in the week, I was making her visit the bathroom about once an hour and she simply went on strike, she was so angry. It was an awful day and the next day I threw up my hands, thinking, 'Fine, girl, you just do this on your own.' Well, it turns out that she needs to visit the potty only every three hours or so, making my frequent potty checks really irritating! This still remains a weak spot, though, because I know if she needs to visit the potty proactively because we're about to play outside, go on an errand, or go for a car drive, but she wants to wait till she feels it--which means coming in from outdoors, setting aside our grocery cart to find a public restroom, or pulling over from driving. It's not the most convenient, but that is okay with me!
I did some searching online for what is a definition of being potty trained and I read interesting debates about it. Mary still needs my help with her clothing and washing her hands, and she still absolutely benefits from my suggesting she visit the potty upon waking and at other times. So some people would consider that not potty trained because she is not 100% independent. I think that definition is unfairly restrictive. My three-and-a-half-year-old still needs help getting certain pairs of his pants back on and I expect to be reminding him to visit the facilities before we leave the house for another year or two--so that would make him not fully potty trained either.
A few days ago, I saw a grocery cart full of diapers with a "50% Off" sign on it. Wow, I can stock up! I rushed over and then realized I still have a half pack of diapers at home and I don't need more anyway. So I ended up buying one pack for $5 to donate to our crisis pregnancy center's diaper drive. (I would have bought them all at that price, but the remainder were sizes five and six, which are for big preschoolers and not so much for the clientele babies at a crisis pregnancy center.)
Three cheers for our big girl!
Congrats to Mary! DS2 is potty training right now too. After some false starts over the past month, he woke up on Friday and said (signed) he was ready to use the potty. He is very reliable as long as he's bare-bottomed. I'm trying to remember how long it took DS1 (who was younger when he left diapers behind) to transition back to clothes. I think it was only a week or so, and I'm hoping DS2 (23 months) follows in his brother's footsteps.
ReplyDeleteThe debate about what makes a child fully trained is interesting. DS1 still needs a double-check for wiping, but everything else is on his own. He doesn't need help dressing or reminders anymore, but he's not 100% overnight. So, is he not trained? I've heard of parents wiping or helping their children re-dress for many years after initial PT.
Yay Mary!! That is so funny, Agnes does the SAME thing - will NOT take a suggestion to use the potty. It has to be her idea. I love cholerics though. :) It's worth a little bit of attitude to be able to share your life with such a capable, can-do kind of person. :)
ReplyDeleteWay to go! I'm jealous but will not push it with Mary Elizabeth just yet since we are working very hard on her sleeping alone in her big girl bed. I don't want regression in that area at all. She is about 1/2 potty trained right now, and I expect it won't be as long and drawn out as it has been with one certain little boy. ;)
ReplyDeleteCongrats! Andrew (who, BTW, wears size 5 diapers, and needs every bit of it) at 16 months is nowhere near ready. I bet you're happy about this!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Mary (and Mama...potty training is no easy feat!) You mentioned a while ago that part of the reason you had such success potty training Mary was because you did EC with her part time. If you have time, would you post a bit about that so we can learn some tips and tricks? I'd be grateful! I can't wait to get my 27 month daughter potty trained!!!
ReplyDeleteChristine: I forgot that some babies are just cut really big, like your Andrew. Both my babies were in size four "early," I forget, but certainly by a year and I think months before that. But if their bodies had been thicker in one spot than in the other, then a five might have been needed. Right now Mary has huge thighs. Her overnight trainers are for weights 20-40 pounds (and she weighs 26), yet they almost do not fit around her thighs. I'm actually worried they're uncomfortably too tight and am thinking of putting her in my size medium Fuzzi Bunz (cloth diapers) at night instead because they fit her thighs better.
ReplyDeleteSarah: I know just what you mean about the choleric being a capable, can-do kind of person. It's really a joy. And, yet, the attitude. Oh, the attitude! And you know what gets me about her attitude that she can do it (whatever it is) just fine? Usually she *can* do it just fine!!! Li'l stinker!
ReplyDeleteCongrats to Mary!
ReplyDeleteNeither of my (petite compares to Mary) girls went above size 3 in diapers at the same age, too funny ;)
Its all about starting early and striking while the iron is hot. Way to go!
Chrissy: I wrote you a long reply last night and it didn't post and was lost! So, now I am sitting down to write again, albeit shorter.
ReplyDeleteMany mothers of big families read my blog, so I am embarrassed to offer "tips" on potty training, something I've done only twice. Please take this with my true humility, knowing that others know more than me.
I do think conventional diapering teachers babies to stop communicating their pottying needs (which they do communicate loud and clear, just like they're born communicating when they're hungry, when they want to be held, etc.).
With Mary, I began at three months (but could have begun at birth) putting her on the potty at every waking and every time it was obvious she was having a BM. Honestly, within days, she began communicating even more loudly and clearly because babies really are born wanting to stay clean and dry. By six months old, she essentially didn't have BMs in her diapers anymore, only on occasion as an "accident."
Those three months were the most intense. After that I was on easy street because I sat her on the potty only at waking in the morning, at waking after nap, and maybe once per day when she had a BM. This was a very small investment for the purpose of her never being afraid of the toilet. Even if she stayed in diapers a long time, I knew she wouldn't be afraid of the toilet, as she'd always have been accustomed to it.
continued . . .
Then around 15 months (and I could have done this from much earlier and more often), I began giving her a couple hours of bare-bottomed time most mornings of the week. Very casually done, the purpose was to help her retain the natural feeling that dry = good and wet/dirty = uncomfortable. Staying in diapers all the time tends to make children want to stay in diapers all the time, and that is not our goal.
ReplyDeleteThen at 18 months, Mary took a leap in independence. I must say that I've had only two children, but I've heard so many stories from mother-friends of babies showing big interest in all things potty around 18 months. A typical story I'll hear is that the child starts fighting diaper changes badly, or he starts taking his diapers off all the time (so Mama keeps them on with duct tape). To me, these shows of diaper independence are exactly when we should strike because the iron is hot (as Elaine commented)! The child is showing independent reachings in this arena, just like demanding to self-feed instead of be fed or demanding a big kid cup instead of a sippy cup. The learning curve is a hassle for the parent, but one well worth it to me personally.
So when Mary began showing major leaps in independence last month, I went with it as best I could, even though we were traveling across the country. If she wanted to stay dry and use airport bathrooms intead of her diapers, I accommodated that, even though it was much harder on me. I don't want to sound like a martyr, though. I can imagine many scenarios in life when *I* simply could not have managed that (closer spacing with the children, more children, twins, etc.).
continued . . .
Something else different about this approach is that it requires more tolerance for accidents. I notice that since the advent of easy, cheap disposible diapers, it seems the perspective on potty training is that accidents shouldn't happen, if accidents are happening, then the child isn't ready. I've had mothers tell me that they'd rather wait till three or four years old, potty train in a day (they're assuming it will work that way!), and not clean up any accidents at all. In contrast, look at how we tolerate daily food messes for the several *years* it takes babies/children to attain true mastery of self-feeding. To me, cleaning up some potty accidents is just not a big deal for the tradeoff of being out of diapers a whole year or two earlier than the new average.
ReplyDeleteIf I were dealing with a 27-month-old child who had been conventionally diapered, I'd start by giving a tremendous amount of bare-bottom time with little potties sitting around in any room we were in. Summer is a great time for that project!
Thanks Katherine for taking the time to type that up!!! I have tried 2 days of wearing training pants with her, but she can only hold it 30 min to an hour and I thought I heard they are not ready until they can hold it 2 hours. I may let her run bare bottomed with a dress on outside when we'll be outside a full day soon. I also have a 6 month old, so I think I may try some of what you suggested with him. I can't see myself sticking with it completely as I have a 4 year old, 2 year old and 6month old and things are very busy here! But I may give it a whirl! Thanks again!!!
ReplyDeleteHurray Mary!!!
ReplyDeletecongratulations! it is such an accomplishment! Mommy must have worked hard to achieve such success
ReplyDeleteWith regard to the definition of "potty trained" in EC parlance there are at least four levels of "graduation" that describe the different stages of pottying independence from staying dry only with parents' prompting/assistance, to initiating all pottying and being able to redress and wipe and do everything on their own. So perhaps we shouldn't think of "potty trained" as black or white, but a continuum of independent pottying ability.
ReplyDeleteHurray for Mary! She is a "grad!" (Although I don't know which stage anymore... 2 or 3 I think!)