{SQT} Our Family's New Normal

1. Our New Normal . . . or "Surviving"

Readers--I begin by requesting another phrase than "our new normal" because that has driven us all to the brink by its overuse during this worldwide coronavirus debacle. But what other phrase captures what I'm trying to say?

The acute chaos of Thomas's initial diagnosis and four weeks of testing has calmed. I am learning a new household rhythm that is not entirely without rhyme or reason but also involves numerous sudden changes. Honestly, this time and my management techniques are highly reminiscent of when I had three children under five. It is a period of survival.

Back in those early days of parenting, my goals were to keep the tiny tots alive, provide them happiness and experiences, and get the house cleaned in its various zones slowly over the course of the week. There were constant changes because naps might shift, a baby might be teething, pregnant mama might be vomiting, maybe nobody slept well the prior night, perhaps we caught a virulent illness that week, or any myriad of challenges. I feel like cancer has brought us back to that period of time.

My days no longer allow for a rigid list of school and housekeeping plans. Every task because a "goal" and a "hope." I am running everything on a list, as in, if Thomas is feeling well, my first priority would be to do ABC tasks or XYZ outings. I have a whole priority list but everything is tackled "if I can."

Typically in the world of medicine, one calls the doctor to request an appointment and calendars are compared. If one is calling a specialty doctor, the appointment is likely to be many weeks or months in the future. However, in the Bizarro World of Cancer into which we have stepped, the oncology office calls the patient and simply announces that the patient has a new appointment. Sometimes I even receive texts informing me for the first time of future scans, future tests, future appointments. I don't blame them, as cancer doctors have to work in a world of urgency that does not compare calendars with mom's planned play date or work schedule or the kids' soccer game. It's just so weird to find out my medical calendar, often with hours' or a day's notice.

Even scheduling appointments or outings is very much written in pencil. We think of every outing in terms of "if we can manage it" and "if Thomas's numbers are good." When we make actual appointments with doctors for other family members, we tell them about Thomas's cancer and that we may end up cancelling last-minute, which, so far, everyone has been extremely understanding about. Recently two of my kids were invited to attend a small birthday party and I had the child's gift shipped from Amazon wrapped and straight to the birthday child's home because, if we had to cancel last-minute, I just knew I couldn't add to my task list the hope of delivering the gift to the child.

For some mothers who are more relaxed by nature, this kind of living in uncertainty and using loop scheduling for everything would feel more comfortable. For me, this is extremely challenging. I'm the one who typically has everything scheduled out for every minute into the future. I would know what I and each family member will be doing two Tuesdays from now at any hour of the day. Controlling? Maybe. Organized? Yes! God is allowing me to be stripped of all that right now.

In anticipation of maybe being able to plan something (if not control it!), I have been doing as much school planning as possible in the last two weeks because I then anticipate about three back-to-back weeks that are very busy and challenging due to medical events. And then it will be end of August and beginning of September: time to start the new school year! I will reveal educational plans ("goals" and "hopes") later, but, suffice to say, they are all much more flexible this year than in others.

It is painful to make our way to the Lane of Survival Mode, but it is a beautiful place to be.

In Bizarro Cancer World, Thomas learns to grind his own pills with a mortar and pestle.

2. Family Walk

We went on what I realized was our first family walk, I believe, since the very day two months ago that Thomas saw his pediatrician, was fasting all day in anticipation of his ultrasound that afternoon, and then received his cancer diagnosis that evening.

I've been walking mornings in the cul-de-sac and the children play outdoors, but we hadn't gone on a family walk.

3. Venus Fly Trap

Joseph and I planted his Venus fly trap and pitcher plant in the appropriate soil and moss in a terrarium, which are keeping in deep shade outdoors, feeding with bugs, and watering with distilled water. So far, so good. 

4. Swapped Lego Room

I took a morning to switch the Quiet Study Room from the larger closet to the smaller one and the Lego-and-Playmobile Room from the smaller closet to the larger one.

The room will never be this neat again.

The three little fellas were playing in there, each independently, each humming, singing, or otherwise narrating their play and I found the din to be hilarious and joy-filled.

I also organized our art supplies (inspired by the play room at the children's hospital) because all the kids like art, but it is Thomas's main passion and he creates daily. I want him to have full access to the art supplies.

Locked cabinet contains all painting supplies

5. Miscellaneous Moments

Mary gave Margaret a promise of taking her to ice cream for her birthday back on March 20th, which, as readers will recall, was pretty much the week when absolutely everything was shutting down one by one due to coronavirus fear and uncertainty. Later became later became later, so finally four months later the girls got to go this week.

'House with Pond and Earthworm' by Thomas

Hand-knit Elmo hat for Thomas

Delicious homemade conchas from a friend!

Two of John's cichlids mated and now we see dozens of fry swimming about, guarded by their diligent parents from the other circling cichlids in the tank who want a "snack of fries!" Having a tank full of new fish that won't fit is a problem we will have to deal with, but for now, we are experiencing interesting biology lessons!

You can't see the dozens of babies, but they are there!

Playdough day!

The children have spent many play periods coloring this fabric map.

6. No Kitchen? No Problem!

It was a regular Wednesday evening when Chris was rinsing and stacking dinner dishes in our sink. The water was rising, so he tried running the garbage disposal to no avail. We started exploring what was wrong. Next I asked, "Honey, what is the growing pool of water on the floor?"

Chris got down on his knees to investigate and, a few motions later, disgusting, dirty water was exploding all over our kitchen floor.

We don't know the chicken-and-egg order of events, but apparently the sink itself somewhat "fell out of" its mooring in the counter top. This stripped the threads in the pipes as the pipes collapsed, and ultimately all the water and garbage disposal contents poured out. We got a plumber out the next day, but he took one look at it and said we need a "granite guy" to fix it first. 

Chris called numerous granite guys and they are all booked out for weeks. Thankfully, we had a recommendation for one fellow, also booked out for weeks, but when he heard about Thomas's cancer and that Chris is leaving us for this coming week to take John for his surgery, he agreed to move his calendar around and come see me on Monday. The repair itself might still take several days what with procuring parts and a plumber to do the latter half of the job, but that is way better than having a kitchen without running water for weeks.

The children and I have been learning how to wash dishes by hand in a complicated manner. First, we scrape all food into the garbage can, even wiping off plates from sticky stuff like oatmeal down to the last oat. Any excess liquids (like milk from a cereal bowl) must be poured out down the toilet. Then dirty dishes are stacked atop the drier in the laundry room where I have a utility sink (sooooo grateful for that). One kid ferries in dirty dishes, I wash the dishes by hand, a second kid dries the dishes by hand, and a third kid walks them back to the kitchen to put them away. 

It's almost like we're pioneers having to wash our dishes down by the river. (Ha ha. Not really.)

Also, two days into this experience, I've newly purchased a lot of paper plates and bowls plus plastic ware, which should help.

Meanwhile, God continues taking care of us, now me without water in my kitchen! A lady from church out-of-the-blue brought me delicious cooked chicken, all individually frozen pieces, and a neighbor randomly texted me today offering to bring me a meal on Sunday. God worked through them! We have three meals coming next week already, and then I have some restaurant gift cards that I will use on the other nights. 

Now, if everyone could just pray that Tropical Storm Isaias does not turn into Hurricane Isaias and does not pass directly over our home while Chris is out of state, that would be wonderful! I'm trying to unite myself to God's will, no matter what God allows to happen to us, but sometimes I become a bit overwhelmed by it all laying on top!

7. Bonus Reading

• Coronavirus Stalks in the Darkness, But Do Not Be Afraid by Msgr. Charles Pope
• I find it so helpful to look at the raw coronavirus data with a hopeful interpretation. It seems to make it takes great manipulation by the media to make it sound as terrifying as they make it. Now 78 percent of NC’s known COVID cases are recoveries
• Of course, there are innumerable problems with the data, one of which is the many types of tests and their inaccuracies. 25 Percent of CDC Coronavirus Test Kits Are Inaccurate, Study Finds by Sarah Crow
• As of July 23, even the CDC wants the schools to fully re-open in person: The Importance of Reopening America’s Schools this Fall. This makes sense given that ONLY NINE CHILDREN have died from coronavirus in the entire United States (source).
• Kristina Hernandez: Homeschooling during coronavirus – here's why my kids will be with me this fall
• What Are We Doing to Our Children? by Denise McAllister
• Avoiding Death by Destroying Health: Unmasking the COVID Response by Melody Lyons
• The Key to Defeating COVID-19 Already Exists. We Need to Start Using It by HARVEY A. RISCH, MD, PHD
• Horowitz: Exposing the maskerade: The questions every American should be asking about indefinite mask mandates
• This movie is on my watch list: A cautionary tale for today’s ‘woke’ movement

• In response to the national rioting and governmental apathy to bother stopping it. Goodbye, Washington DC.
• If you're ready to laugh or cry, you might want to choose laughter by watching JP Spears in "Why the Lockdown Should Last Longer." I was laughing so hard I was snorting with tears streaming down my face.