What I Don't Regret

I interrupt our vacation posting to share a blog post written by a mother who lost her 18-month-old to leukemia. She writes of the parenting choices she doesn't regret.

"Last October I wrote a piece about breastfeeding my daughter Olive while she battled AML leukemia (you can read my first article, here). She was 11 months old at diagnosis and 18 months old when she passed away on March 6, 2014. Losing a child is every mother’s worst nightmare, and for a good reason. It is every bit as terrible as one can imagine.

"Many bereaved parents have regrets, and although I make a concentrated effort not to think in terms of regret, if I go in that direction I can surely find plenty to beat myself up about. But what I really want to share with you all are the things that I do not regret. I do not regret nursing Olive on demand. I do not regret co-sleeping. I do not regret choosing to stay home with her instead of rushing to complete my graduate degree, and I do not regret investing in a carrier and wearing her." (bold mine)

I have been blessed so far with seven years of mothering four children and even I felt encouraged by this mother's confidence, so I share her post in case it encourages others as well.

Do I have all the answers of parenting? No way, no how. Has my/our parenting changed noticeably over seven years? Yes. But I have since the beginning stayed at home (thank you, Chris!), nursed on demand, worn my babies, and coslept, and those practices haven't changed.

And I don't regret them.

In fact, I continue to see the overall benefits outweighing the costs.

Few of us will witness our babies or children pass away, but most of us will witness them grow up, these years to pass behind us. What will we regret doing or not doing? (I have plenty of things I already regret, and more to come, but not these four practices.)

"My message to you is this: pay close attention to your heart and if your heart is pulling you to be closer to your baby, more than conventional parenting norms allow, then throw all of the advice you have received from your doctor, online, books, your mother-in-law, your friends–wherever–out the window, and DO IT. . . . 

"Olive was a baby and therefore she had the biological expectation that I protect her and be there for her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Babies do not start to differentiate from their caregivers until toddlerhood, and even then it is a highly variable and gradual process. You cannot spoil a baby with love and responsive care giving–they biologically need this for normal development. You can, however, create a needy, frightened child who may have difficulty completing future developmental tasks with unresponsive care giving.

"I am SO THANKFUL that I happened to know this information going into my experience as a parent. And I hope that I make a difference in someone’s life by choosing to pass it on to you."