Scanxiety Grips

Comforting Thomas one afternoon

Thomas's 18-month cancer scans are in just more than one week, which means this mama is already experiencing "scanxiety," which I know will reduce my sleep severely over the next week and probably cause compulsive cleaning and some shouting. I used to think I could fight it, but now I do better to plan ahead, accept it, and adapt my days around it as best I can. 

Sweet Thomas is only six years old so I had never seen him experience any scanxiety until about one week ago at the dinner table. He said out of the blue that if he relapsed, he would use all his weapons to fight the cancer cells, and then he listed all the most destructive explosive weapons that a little boy has heard of. 

Below is copied from someone else, but is one of the best descriptions of how those who have experienced cancer close up have to cope while walking around, trying to live normal life and (seem to) be happy again.

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Imagine you're going about your day, minding your own business, when someone sneaks up behind you... 

You feel something press up against the back of your head, as someone whispers in your ear. 

"Sssshhhhh.... don't turn around. Just listen. I am holding a gun against the back of your head. I'm going to keep it there. I'm going to follow you around like this every day, for the rest of your life." 

"I'm going to press a bit harder, every so often, just to remind you I'm here, but you need to try your best to ignore me, to move on with your life. Act like I'm not here, but don't you ever forget... one day I may just pull the trigger... or maybe I won't. Isn't this going to be a fun game?" 

This is what it is like to be diagnosed with cancer. Any STAGE of cancer. Any KIND of cancer. Remission does not change the constant fear. It never truly goes away. It's always in the back of your mind. 

Please, if you have a loved one who has ever been diagnosed with cancer, remember this. They may never talk about it or they may talk about it often. Listen to them. 

They aren't asking you to make it better. They want you to sit with them in their fear... their sadness... their anger... just for the moment. That's it. 

Don't try to talk them out of how they are feeling. That doesn't help. It will only make them feel like what they are going through is being minimized. Don't remind them of all the good things they still have in their life. They know. They are grateful. 

But some days they are more aware of that gun pressing into the back of their head and they need to talk about it. Offer them an ear. 

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