{SQT} Grandmom's Funeral Week

 

1. The Final Goodbyes to Grandmom

Chris and the oldest four children (7, 9, 11, and 13) traveled to Atlanta for Grandmom's visitation, funeral, graveside interment, and reception. After two consultations with the oncology team, Chris and I decided with heavy hearts that I would stay home with Thomas and the three-year-old. Thomas's immune system is compromised due to chemotherapy and the oncologist said if it were very important to us to attend and perhaps no more than ten people would be at the events, we might be able to take Thomas (but stand outside, wear a mask, don't touch anyone, don't touch anything). He outlined such risk to us--not even particularly COVID, but from all illnesses--that we made the decision safest for our little guy right now. Personally, I can express how very sad I was to miss these events, honoring my mother-in-law, and knowing that even with my husband's descriptions, I would never really experience all those intimate emotions with everyone and hear all the stories shared about this remarkable woman.

I don't have many pictures from Atlanta to share because I'm the shutterbug of the family.

The funeral Mass was live-streamed, so I and 66 other online viewers got to watch the entirety. I appreciated the videographer's skillful work as he did not simply man a stationary camera, but had multiple cameras going, changed angles, and zoomed in and out in artful ways.

I know Dottie would have simply loved her own funeral Mass, and she was particular, having run the funeral ministry at her parish for 20 years. There were so many beautiful moments among the music, the singers, and the warm words spoken.

Grandmom was buried next to the son who predeceased her nine years ago and the reception was held at her favorite restaurant that she frequented I-can't-imagine how many times over the decades.

Thank you to everyone who sent our family cards of condolence, enrollment in Masses, and bouquets of flowers.

After Chris returned the children to me on Thursday, he returned to Atlanta the very next morning to spend Labor Day weekend with his Dad and three brothers. It should be a special weekend for them all. Within the last 30 days, Chris has been gone on four (very needful) trips totaling 14 days, which is a strain for each of us. 

2. Thomas's Clinic Day

Thomas participates in a program called Beads of Courage, in which a child with a serious illness receives specific beads for each of the many procedures done. We fill out a chart and keep track and on this particular day, I asked to catch up on the last six weeks worth of beads. Seeing all the procedures written out on our chart was saddening to me. Particularly seeing how many beads he has received for "pokes" made my heart twinge, knowing that in the prior five children over thirteen years, I think one kid ever had one blood draw. Each week when we go back to clinic, my sweet boy still has a little bruise on his hand (which he prefers to the inner elbow) from the last blood draw, so we switch hands.

I am finding even uneventful clinic days more depressing lately because I take note of seeing some of the pediatric patients who aren't nearly so strong anymore like Thomas still is. On this one day, I think I saw three thin young people who were without a stitch of hair (not even eyelashes) and white as paper being pushed in wheelchairs by their mothers because they're weak at this point in their treatment. Nowadays, it is increasingly often that I have to steel myself as invasive thoughts pierce me about our family's possible future. Going to clinic puts those possibilities smack in front of my eyes.

Jesus, I trust in you.

3. Fun Things We Did at Home

Thomas is remarkably understanding about the limitations imposed on him, especially in light of the fact that they are imposed (such as, "You're not allowed to ride your bike because you are prone to bruising and infection"), not innate (such as "I can't walk because my legs are paralyzed"). When I told him that I would be keeping him home from Atlanta because of his compromised immune system (and we talk about the white soldiers in his blood), he was disappointed but simply asked if we could do fun things together at home. Regularly he will speak of his restrictions, such as "We can go to a zoo, but I know I can't touch any animals" or "I could go to such-and-such a place, Mama, because there are few people there!"

The very first thing he asked impishly if he could do this week was that I would stop my car at the bottom of the driveway, he would sit in the front seat without a seat belt, and I would drive up our driveway. Yes, my boy, we can do that!

We played Candyland, painted pictures, watched fun movies, went on neighborhood walks, swam in the pool, and went to Lazy 5 Ranch. Also, my boys might proudly tell you that they "baked a pie with Mama!" and you would be impressed until you discovered that I made a French Silk Pie . . . meaning, instant chocolate pudding mix poured into a pre-made graham cracker crust with canned whipped cream squirted on top.

The little boys will also tell you with glee that they got to have Sleepovers with Mama every night! Each boy slept on either side of me in the master bed, all squeezed up against me so I couldn't roll over or slip out of bed. I didn't get much sleep, but I relished having my boys close because 'one knows not the day nor the hour'.

Making a pie with Mama

4. Lazy 5 Ranch

"I know we won't buy any animal food because I can't touch the animals, Mama, but we can still have fun."

5. Artwork

This year, I was inspired to buy this Vintage Drawing Set (Levels 1-5) from The Good and the Beautiful. My goal is to keep us learning artwork, but in an extremely flexible way that requires only pencil and paper. Amidst cancer treatments, this is the kind of open-and-go artwork we can use on a moment's convenient notice. As I've introduced the instructional books, I've enjoyed watching the children's initial reluctance and resistance ("I can't draw!") be transformed into enthusiasm and eagerness as I did the art alongside them: their old Mama who can't draw, but can still enjoy trying without crying when I "mess up."

6. Preparations

I am gearing up for another chemo cycle when Thomas and I will be at the infusion center three days in a row, which requires diligent organization on my part.

• A babysitter is scheduled. Interesting activities, motivation for good behavior, and reward events are being planned.
• Meals are planned, groceries are purchased, and meals arranged to be brought by others.
• School is planned for next week, even in my absence.
• A plan is in place with the oncologist to try to manage Thomas's increasing allergy during infusion

Next week is also scheduled to be Thomas's Wish Discovery Visit with the Make a Wish Foundation . . . and my readers can imagine that that sweet, generous event brings about very mixed and sorrowful feelings from us parents.

Also, a week from now will be the blood drive in honor of our little Thomas and in raising awareness of pediatric cancer!

Thomas's third MIBG and CT scans are scheduled to see how his tumor has changed after his fourth round of chemotherapy. 

Jesus, I trust in you.

7. Bonus Reading

• Apparently the COVID tests have been exceedingly too sensitive, quarantining people who are not contagious, and wasting resources on contact tracing them. NY Times: Up To 90% Of People Who Test Positive For COVID-19 No Longer Contagious, ‘Don’t Need To Isolate’
• Meanwhile, my adopted state is slightly loosening restrictions. NC to enter new portion of Safer At Home, allowing gyms to reopen with restrictions
• But my native state of California sure is not! Governor Newsom has instituted such high standards that they will be forever impossible to meet. “We need to live differently,” Gov. Gavin Newsom said Friday after moving the state re-opening goalposts once again. If anyone is still unclear about the governor’s actual goals: a county can average one “case” per 100,000 for three weeks and still not be fully open. Mad King Gavin Newsom: Shutdowns FOREVAH!!!

For more 7 Quick Takes Friday, check out This Ain't the Lyceum.