Be Not Afraid Conference 2011

For the last day and a half, I was blessed to attend the first annual conference for Be Not Afraid Charlotte. BNA is a ministry near and dear to my heart whose purpose is to support families who have chosen to carry to term after receiving a poor prenatal diagnosis. This conference was to be a "larger conversation" among the many workers in the vineyard who help BNA serve families. Participants were people such as: peer ministers, prayer sponsors, pro-life OBGYNs and other doctors, nursing students, priests, perinatal hospice volunteers, photographers (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep), women who sew burial gowns, authors, Respect Life directors, other national-level pro-life workers in the Catholic hierarchy, and mothers of babies with disabilities. (We were honored to be in the company of several babies given diagnoses of "incompatible with life," but who are months old and are dearly loved by their families.) I think something like eight states were represented by about 100 attendees--one notable attendee being our very own bishop!

One of the talks given answered the question of, "But what can I do?" The reply is, "What do you do?" Are you a lawyer? Well, these clients often need legal representation. Are you a doctor? They need medical help. Are you a house cleaner? They are in crisis and need someone to clean their homes. Can you sew? Sew a burial gown. Do you have some money? Please donate it! Can you speak Spanish? BNA desperately needs translators. God can raise the dignity of any service and find use in any service offered honorably. Many in my station in life will say, understandably, 'What can I do? I have many little children. I have no big children yet to lighten my load. I work hard from dawn till dark and have no time. What can I possibly do?' Well, even someone in my station can pray. And prayer is real and it is necessary. God asks us to pray, even though he is omnipotent and knows what everyone wants and needs. So, even though my primary duties at this season of my life are within my home and to my family, I can paste up prayer reminders above my kitchen sink for the family to which I've been assigned. And I can remember to pray for them. I can offer up my difficulties for that family. BNA needs more sisters in Christ to pray!

Margaret was my companion--sometimes babbling, sometimes sleeping in my wrap, sometimes screaming as we walked the halls, and almost every minute on my hip.

My favorite display table was of the many kinds of "memory makers" for lost babies, most particularly the exquisite baptismal and burial gowns in varying sizes.

These sweet bracelets for a baby to wear during his or her brief life were so small, one would fit on my thumb.

I posed these booties and the following burial gown next to a business card to show the size.

Being able to dress one's beloved baby born still or with a life so brief in something breathtakingly beautiful that was sewn with love contributes greatly to recognizing the dignity and worthiness of that baby. (There are organizations who accept donated wedding dresses to turn into such burial gowns if anyone is interested in doing so.)

The talks given were as follows:

"A Catholic Response to Prenatal Diagnosis" Diagnosis"          

“Pastoral Care as a Ministry of Presence: Running In- Not Out”

"Missing Jedi"

"Journeying the Uncharted Path: Perinatal Hospice and Peer Support"

" It’s Amazing What You Can Do With a Little Company: The Healing Value of Apostolates of Friendship"

"Birth Planning When the Primary Diagnosis is...This Is a Baby"

"Healing Hearts and Making Memories Through Portraiture"

Parent Panel Discussion - "Memory Making for a Lifetime"

"What We Have Learned"

I found it so refreshing to step away from my normal duties for a brief time and focus on learning more about something about which I am passionate. There were humorous moments. For example, I tried my best to dress as professionally as I can within my current wardrobe, but apparently I cannot hide my "vibe." On the first afternoon, an OBGYN approached me (although I didn't know he was a doctor), introduced himself by his first name, and asked, "So, what is the birth climate like here in Charlotte?" I began telling him about specific OBs, how they've been driven out, what the climate is like, what the hospitals are like. Then I admitted that my last two were born at home. He smiled and said, "Well, yes, that is what I figured and it's why I asked you that question." As much as I was sort of flattered that he cared about my opinion, I was also chagrined that apparently I cannot help but ooze--a what?--hippie home birth mama vibe? And I was trying so hard to look professional! I really was a professional in my former life! I guess one can do only so much with a baby slung on one's hip and machine washable clothing.

I chuckled again the next morning when I was even more acutely aware of trying to look really well put together for the conference: 'I know! I'll wear one of my only dry clean-only skirts!' As I was walking out the door, holding Margaret on one hip and holding her two changes of just-in-case outfits in my hand, she spit up a big amount, coating my skirt plus her own outfit and her two extra outfits I was carrying! I didn't have time to change us or do anything, so just did that wipe-and-swipe thing, leaving behind a trail of curdled milk to dry and crust, and I thought, "Well, there goes the last chance I had of looking put together!" What is a girl to do, right?

On Thursday night, I even got to attend dinner out at a restaurant with about 25 folks from the conference. That's right, me, stay-at-home mama who leaves the house a couple days a week and rarely has any reason to drive after early afternoon . . . yes, I was out after dark and downtown at a hip restaurant no less! Margaret actually tolerated being out, although I asked for my check as soon as my food arrived so as to expedite things, knowing my time was precariously short. The last two spots at the table were next to two OBGYNs and I greatly enjoyed that they treated me with respect, spoke to me as someone with equal dignity, and valued my opinion and experience on birth matters even without any initials behind my name, and we "talked birthy stuff" all through dinner. (You know what takes faith? Deciding to be Catholic first and a doctor second, such that one will no longer prescribe contraception in one's practice, knowing that one will face serious professional repercussions. Please pray for an OBGYN in Winston-Salem, okay?)

I'm back to the home front, refreshed and ready to tackle the normal business of planning our calendar, organizing our home, washing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning, changing diapers, forming souls, meeting needs . . . in short: fulfilling my vocation where God has placed me for the timebeing, which is what pleases Him most.

(Anyone interested in reading more about carrying to term, I can recommend three books: My Child, My Gift; Waiting for Eli; and For the Love of Angela.)