What is the consequence (natural or otherwise) when the children beg me to set up the tempera paints and I do so, only to have them quit in screaming mutiny five minutes later? (Besides the natural consequence of Mama wanting to blow her top?)
From my perspective, setting up the paints is a big deal I would do only once or twice per week. It involves getting out the easel, hanging the paper, donning smocks, setting out ten pots with matching paint brushes, then washing the paint brushes and lids of the pots, wiping down or even mopping the kitchen floor, laundering the smocks, and rinsing off the children. To do all that work for them to be occupied for only five minutes is not acceptable in my book!
I tried forcing them to keep painting, but that seemed kind of silly: you will keep having fun and you will like it! I threatened and cajoled. I reasoned with John. I wonder if I should have told them that their only alternative activity was some kind of onerous cleaning chore for me. A natural consequence would be that in future they are in charge of all setting up and cleaning up of supplies so they can feel the burden of the work: that might work (with supervision) for John at four, but not for Mary at two. What do you think, mommies?
In the broader picture, I will confess that I run the house and supervise the children with a fairly high degree of management on the spectrum of mommyhood styles, which has certain benefits and certain drawbacks. I see certain benefits to the mothers who successfully tell the kids to run off and play most of the day and I've tried it repeatedly, but it hasn't seemed to work too well for my personality or my kids'. Also I'm sure I'm training my kids to need me to manage them, which has pros and cons itself. Telling my kids to "go play" doesn't work: they flop around, they don't know what to do, they want help, they circle my ankles like sharks. So, my system is to get them set up with occupations repeatedly throughout the day. Sometimes I do the activity with them (e.g., Fritz & Chesster computer game, or practicing letters), sometimes I set them up so I can do a separate activity (e.g., they paint while I do meal planning in the same room, they set up a train track while I fold laundry).
I just finished cleaning up all those paints. Help me avoid this next time . . .
You could be like me and just never let them paint. What a pain for me.
ReplyDelete*If* I do let them paint, it is with the flip lid watercolors, where there are like 12 ovals of color that they have to use water to make the paint show up. Even that involves mixing of the colors, but it is so much less work for me, and when it comes down to it, thats what I'm all about :)
Elaine: I knew that'd be your answer: just never let them paint. ;P I'm guessing that will also be Sarah Faith's response . . .
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm always so creative with appropriate consequences, but maybe next time they ask for paints they don't get to play with them?
ReplyDeleteThat kind of thing happens here too. What I do:
ReplyDelete-The next time they ask, the answer will be no. To reinforce leave the item plainly visible where they will remember and ask soon, and can be reminded why it's no.
-Also I'd think of ways to make it easier for me. Like letting them do it outside naked with a hose nearby.
-In the same vein have them complete something you want them to do first, like cleaning their room or something that actually helps you. Then if all the prep/cleanup work of the paint is for nothing at least you did get something out of the deal.
- Try linking it with the next thing on the agenda. You aren't available to allow whatever activity they were wanting next because you're busy cleaning up their mess. I have many times told the kids "If you get xyz done I can make banana bread later" or whatever, then they lollygag around. I tell them it's too late b/c I don't have the time anymore. Totally natural consequence. Limited time and resources.
-Another idea is to do it before a nap time or something they find unpleasant, and tell them when they're done, it's naptime - thus giving them incentive to postpone.
There are different parenting styles to be sure. I could never ever do it your way, it's too high maintenance, but another friend of mine is more like you and her kids also flop around when told to go play and glue themselves to her ankles! ha ha. (Though they are better now at ages almost 6 and almost 5!)
Same here, Elaine. If I do say yes to painting, there is some huge string attached like they have to do some big chore (meaning something like cleaning their room or helping me with laundry) during the morning hours, and we will paint in the middle of the afternoon for about 30 or 45 minutes. (and I only use the watercolors like Elaine, and they are also washable). Painting is a real treat for my children.
ReplyDeleteI also don't think painting is one of those activities that can be done at young ages UNsupervised.
It creates too much mess for me, and my kids just aren't capable of cleaning up the way I would want them to.
I know my response is long...sorry, but I am also in a very similar situation as you are in that I have children who are 5, 4 and almost 3. I don't get to do many "projects" just for myself that require me to hyperfocus away from my children. My little ones like blocks, legos, trains, horses, cars, coloring (they can do these things for a long while after age 4 alone) and playing outside (requires my supervision since I cannot see our yard). Our whole lifestyle seems to create more messes and even chaos. And yet they still like to hang out underfoot. But this too shall pass, and then I'll probably be crying that it's just too quiet. lol
yeah my kids have only ever used watercolors...and actually just Ben, not Anna...I am afraid to let Ben use tempera because they are made with egg I think. Anyway my solution (after being TOTALLY annoyed also!) would be to set the easel up somewhere where it can stay up (sunroom or porch area? corner of dining room or kitchen? Ours is in teh dining room). Hang the smocks nearby or ON the corner of the easel and set the easel up with a roll of paper so that the only YOU have to do is give them the paints. As for laundering smocks. When I was that age and loved to paint my mom gave me an old shirt of my dad's and the thing was just covered in paint drops. She never washed it...it was there to BE dirty. When it gets too ridiculously dirty get another old shirt to use. You could also give them a spray bottle and a rag and have them clean up the drips from the floor when all done.
ReplyDeleteKatherine, if you're going to go down the path of setting up involved supervised activities (which needless to say, I wouldn't, LOL) then I would suggest making it something you initiate rather than something that gets dragged out whenever they ask. Maybe it could be a set time once or twice a week and then if they wanted to be creative at other times they could use the easel with crayons, colored pencils or chalk.
ReplyDeleteOh, and my guess is that as your kids get older they will more easily entertain themselves. Mine used to do the flop and roll as well, but now that they are allowed free rein to go outside and ride bikes and scooters without minimal supervision they are much more independent.
ReplyDeleteLadies: These comments and suggestions are SO very helpful. Thank you! I have a lot of tweaks and adjustments to try putting in place.
ReplyDeleteI'm a pretty firm believer in benign neglect, so my boys (4y10m, 2y9m) are the "run off and play types." (Even the six month old for 20 minutes or so at a time-- he is crawling and pulling up-- but he makes up for it by sleeping all night in arms, lol.) Why can't John and Mary clean up, though? They're already a mess so maybe you can put them in the tub to rinse the brushes (I leave the paint in pots for next time). They'll get messier perhaps in the short term, but then you can shower them off. Or paint outside like Sarah Faith suggested.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with everything else said: leave the easel out, don't wash smocks, pick a set time each week to paint/be messy, etc. I've also had my boys help with something first. They are pretty easygoing, though, so this works well. They think getting to wash bathroom floors is a treat. No kidding. :-)
OK, my approach is at the other end of the spectrum, but here we go. The easel stays up, in the kitchen... we just make sure that nobody stores any books under it that would be damaged by dribbling paint. We have our big painting paper on big rolls, so when the kids need fresh paper, they just have to pull it down and move the clothespins that hold the edges neatly. The smocks live on the corners of the easel, and we had lots of lessons about how to get them on "backwards" which is so coutnerintuitive to a small child who has worked so hard to learn to put on a shirt and a jacket. I keep only five colors of paint and their brushes available at a time, since that's what fits neatly on the easel. I do NOT wash brushes after each painting session. It turns out that the paint cups with the lids and the brushes in them fit neatly into a quart sized yogurt container with the lid on. I feel that art and unrestricted creativity is so absolutely valuable to children that it's worth the time to to me teach them how to manage their supplies and then let them paint when they are inspired to paint. If the supplies are out there and available, and the children are trained, within reasonable limits for their age, to take care of their supplies, I don't have to be involved much other than admiring their work (and finding room for drying art :-) ... and now we can talk about lessons on wiping and mopping and washing hands...
ReplyDeleteWhatever makes it simplest for you
ReplyDelete-- though, the next time they ask to paint, perhaps you might get down at their level and ask "? and do you remember what happened the last time ?" and, when they look at you blankly, you quietly describe the basic scenario and re-
mind them that "we would'nt want something like that to happen again" (tho it will). The patience
of a saint is a necessary requirement for motherhood.