Traditional Catholic living in the modern world
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Funny Sooner or Later
What Will Be Funny Sooner I don't know about other ladies, but I have found myself very "spacey" after having my babies. I can't do anything complicated, I can't read instructions, I'm simply a space cadet. Case in point: Tonight I was preparing to give Margaret a bath: I was standing in the bathroom, filling our baby bath tub. It is the hard plastic kind of tub with a plug in the bottom of it, a plug that one pulls out when one wants to drain the tub. I stood there, letting the water fill and fill and fill. And after a long while, I finally noticed that the plug was pulled out, so the water was simply pouring back out of the bath tub, along the counter, and down. Where was it pouring down? It was pouring into the bathroom drawers--you know, the drawers one fills with hairbrushes, bottles of this and that, makeup, and so forth? The water had filled the top drawer and the middle drawer and only then did it start spilling onto the floor, such that I noticed. I turned off the water, plugged the baby bath, and started emergency clean up: sopping away the water, dumping all our items out of the water-filled drawers, then dumping out the drawers themselves. It's still a complete mess in there, with all our toiletries being left out overnight to dry. I hope they're not ruined. What Will Be Funny Later I can laugh about my flood already, but I'm not yet laughing about Mary's continued ambivalent feelings and rejection of me since I had Baby Margaret. Today Margaret was sleeping beautifully out of my arms, so I spent time alone with Mary in her room, making a train track. We were having the loveliest time until she began yet another tantrum that ended up going on for 30 minutes. I couldn't do anything as she threw train tracks around the room, hurt herself with them, then cried harder, but refused to let me kiss her ouchies or hug her. Ignoring her did nothing either. She wept for Daddy. Then she cried, "I want Daddy! I don't like my mommy! I want Daddy! I don't like my mommy!" I know there has to be a first time that a child says she doesn't like or even hates her parent, but it hadn't happened to me yet (never from John) and it sure hurt my feelings. I spent the next three hours leaking tears from my eyes and I still don't feel okay. I know after enough kids spewing that ridiculousness at me, I won't feel nearly so sensitive, but this was my very first time. And a pox on me for all the hateful things I ever screamed at my own mama!
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Katherine,
ReplyDeleteGood morning! Today is another day. Thanks be to God!
I know what you mean. It's so difficult the first few weeks of mothering a newborn without much sleep. IT affects everything! Even the insomnia that you experience is nothing compared to the lack of sleep of the first weeks of a newborn's life. Those are the days I do exactly as you did...forgetting about the water or plug, flooding the bathroom. It's enough that I remember some names or to put my own clothes on.
Just the other night, though, I went to get some milk out of the refrigerator, when I discovered that "someone" had put the ice cream up in the fridge instead of the freezer. It had only been about 2 hours, but I still accused my husband who had not done it. (he had only just walked in the door, in fact). Sleep is elusive for me at this stage of pregnancy, so I am beginning to dread those first few weeks where you are right now.
Hang in there. Mary will come around. Would a silly, crazy tickle-fest kind of attention help, maybe?
Ah, the "terrible twos"! and things have changed a lot lately ..
ReplyDeleteand will improve with time.
I'm sorry, Katherine. Those comments can be so hurtful and we all have to go through it at one time or another. Teenage girls are hard in that way, too! Haley will be 16 next month, if you can believe it, and we go through some difficult arguments! As you already know, she will come around. I don't know if you are looking for any advice or just an ear to bend, but if Chris can sometimes take over holding and perhaps occasionally bathing Margaret the older kids will see her as someone who requires time and care from everyone in the family. That way they won't feel like you only care about her needs. Then when Chris is being with her you can play with the other children or have an uninterrupted storytime, perhaps. I know how you feel, though, hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI, too, am so sorry you are experiencing this with Mary right now. I hope she comes around soon and loves on you for being the great Mommy that you are (and don't you doubt it!).
ReplyDeleteKatherine,
ReplyDeleteI would try to nip that language in the bud in a firm but loving way. What works around here is for me or Michael to say, "It is NOT okay for you to speak to me in that way. We do not use our words to hurt others. I know your feelings are hurt. You come and get me when you want to talk about it." Be firm, but loving and gentle. Do not waiver or bend. Then we leave the child alone in a safe place (bedroom).
We follow this every time there is a tantrum of this nature. I think the consistency helps. If Mary is old enough to say those hurtful things, she is old enough to understand that you won't tolerate it. Don't let her see that she is able to manipulate you in this mean way. Be firm, but loving and gentle.
It took a while (maybe a week), and I didn't have a new baby, but the hateful tantrums are just a memory now.
HUGS Katherine. You know she is acting out b/c of her new sis. She is hurt and lashing out. She is angry at you for brining another child in. She will eventually adjust. I'm so dreading this with Annalise. I just think she is going to take it very hard as well.
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