My First Day Back

Good morning to his littlest sister!

Today I got dressed beyond pajamas (including a NON-maternity shirt!) and I rejoined life downstairs. Chris bought me flowers for my "downcoming" (like homecoming, but it means I came downstairs). (Of course, Life With a Two-Year-Old means that by the end of the day Mary had smashed the flowers all on the ground and spread the petals through several rooms. C'est la vie!) I had not thought the children were that desperate for me, except I had seen a couple of clues, like the morning John asked me quietly, "Would you please put down Margaret and come have breakfast with us downstairs?" Yesterday I told John that the next day I was going to start coming downstairs again and being with him and Mary. I don't know if I've ever seen such a reaction from John: he began leaping in the air and squealing and, before I could say more, he ran out of the room shrieking that he was going to tell Daddy. Boy, that made a mama feel loved!

Chris was working from home much of today and I managed the kids for a few one-hour stretches, that was all. It was a humbling experience, let me tell you. Judging by how I crashed into a deep nap at 4:30 p.m. and my body ached all over from my minimal exertions, I am exceedingly grateful that I had a whole eight days in bed!

For the most part, I tried to avoid any kind of confrontation with the kids today, just keeping things as free-and-easy as possible. There was one point when both children started running in circles around furniture with an unravelling kite string, tangling it such that it was about to snap. Instead, Mama snapped and I asked them to stop, then started shouting at them (since they weren't listening to me) to release the kite string. Quickly (but too late) I realized I was behaving the opposite of the calm mothers I admire. That I was shouting just revealed my impotence to the kids and myself: I was too weak and tired to say it once, stand up promptly, and take away the string or put the kids in time out. And I was getting all worked up over kite string. I think I should have just let the kids break their own kite string and stayed cool and calm over it instead of holding my newborn and shrieking like a banshee, unable to change the moment anyway. Add that to a long line of similar moments I've had and will have and let's see if I can someday learn not to be so highly strung!

Today I got dressed, fed us a couple of times (with fabulous food other people cooked and delivered to us), dumped dirty dishes in the sink without washing any of them, and washed one load of laundry. Perhaps I'll actually be able to fold it before bedtime, but I make no promises. And the kids survived to the end of the day. So, that's pretty good for my first day back.