How It Is Going

Chris' parents left Thursday night and we were so very grateful for their help during the week. On Friday I tried to incorporate the children a little more into hanging out with me in the bedroom since they weren't on continual fun adventures with their grandparents. One humorous moment was when I asked John to get supplies for coloring, so I expected he'd get a big stack of paper and a big basket of crayons from the craft area. He came back with one piece of paper, one pair of scissors, and exactly two crayons. He cut the paper in half so he and Mary each had a piece. I thought it was so interesting how his mind was thinking! Anyway, even with supervising in the very same room, Mary drew with red crayon on the wall and carpet, which is when we discovered the crayon was the cheap, foreign kind we must have brought home from a restaurant instead of Crayola, meaning it does not wipe away. (I'm sure we'll get it with Magic Eraser later, but in the meanwhile, there it remains--and I think, more mess from one two-year-old in ten minutes than the mess [which is nonexistant] from actually birthing a baby in this room!)

A thoughtful friend sent Margaret a pink outfit and headband, but Mary promptly confiscated the headband as hers. I think it looks very "1980s" on her. She said, "Yes, I can wear this headband?" Interestingly, lately she has adopted a language construction that reminds me of English as a second language, in which she continually says, "Yes, I can play a game on your phone? Yes, I can climb up on the bed? Yes, I can eat your peanuts?" She knows perfectly well how to say, "May I please . . . " so it strikes me as funny.

I can't tell you how grateful I am to have a little bit of experience under my mama's belt because I am remembering how emotionally devastating it felt for me to go through the newborn period the first time. There is so much death to self required! This time I feel basically very calm, although at times am reminded at how newborns behave, things I forgot. I didn't sleep for the first 43 hours or so after Margaret was born because she cried if she wasn't nursing (and I cried if she was!) and I could never put her down. Then the next two nights I got something like five hours' sleep each night in stretches no longer than two hours. The next night she woke to nurse every 30-60 minutes. Last night she had her first extended waking, crying almost straight from 4:30-6:00 a.m. (And, of course, now she is blissfully back to sleep but there is no way I can sleep in the daytime or when I can hear noises of my awake big kids.)

So far (not that it is a long "so far") I am also feeling calmer about the challenges learning to juggle the baby and the bigger kids. I was reminded in a few short interludes that having a newborn makes me impotent at times with handling the children. For example, Margaret was asleep in my Moby Wrap when Mary needed a diaper change, but Mary threw a tantrum on the floor. Normally I would calmly pick her up and change her diaper by force because I'm not going to accept a tantrum from a 2-1/2 year old that way, but I did not have the physical strength to pick her up because of being a few days postpartum nor did I want her kicking at the newborn. So I tried negotiating with her (something I normally do not do, nor did it work at all anyway): did she want me or Grandmom to change her diaper, did she want to take it off herself, did she want to be on the couch or standing up? And I realized I could not effect a simple diaper change without either giving my two-year-old a lot of power or by waking up my newborn, but I wasn't reduced to tears by that. I remembered going through it when Mary was born and I told myself that I'll face many, many of those moments in the weeks and months to come, that we'll get through it, that the kids won't be turned into brats because of the transition! Now, to be sure, I will have tearful moments and not a few, I imagine! I just feel calmer and better going into this transition with my third than with my first or second.

We're having a lot of trouble nursing, but I will persevere because I know the joy and benefits of having a years-long nursing relationship with my other kids. I had a lactation consultant out to our house on day 2 or 3, plus two more phone consultations with her, and I think we have turned the corner from the worst of it. Nursing is still extremely painful (can I emphasize extremely? is there a stronger word?), but I can see improvements. This has been humbling for me because I am a La Leche League leader and I'm supposed to do everything naturally and my babies are not supposed to have any difficulties either, right? I am appreciative of the increased empathy I am gaining for women who have serious difficulties nursing. I realize that our culture offers very little support for them to get help and to push through the initial problems. And then if there isn't tremendous support within the home (like the amazing kind I get from my husband), women face a lonely uphill battle.

We are very blessed to have three weeks of meals so far lined up by our church lady volunteers. I am so grateful! Our first meal arrived last night from my dear friend Meghan, and it included dinner, dessert, and breakfast for today! Plus Chris knew I was lonely for company and the kids could use a new playmate, so he invited Meghan and her son to stay plus her husband to stop over on his way home from work. The daddies and children ate and played downstairs while Meghan ate and conversed with me in my bedroom. It was so lovely! (Plus it was a good reminder to me that my midwife wasn't overcautious when she asked me to keep staying upstairs through Sunday because, as strong as I felt, I realized I was pretty tired and sore from sitting upright and visiting for a couple of hours! It was well worth it, both for the company and for the lesson that I need to let the house remain messy rather than leap up right now to be Mama The Big Helper.)

Golly, all these gobs of words and no new photos of Margaret today! So sorry, loved ones!