Children at Mass

This morning's Mass experience was interesting. Chris sat with John up front and I sat with Mary in back. Mary behaved by far the best she has ever behaved.

We started out in the church and Mary basically sat on her behind the whole time, flipping through my notebook or a missalette quietly. (I don't bring toys or snacks, having tried those and found that my two kids in particular use them as a bigger distraction.) Once she asked to use the bathroom, so I took her out for that. She didn't cry out of scream once, but mostly whispered her little chattering. I was sitting with her, overjoyed that she seemed to be making it through a whole Mass at 21 months, when John didn't start doing that till around two-and-a-half.

But perhaps God wanted to make sure no pride snuck into my heart. We were seated in front of a woman perhaps in her 60s or 70s and perhaps long past remembering what it is like to have little children around. I could tell by her body language that she was highly irritated with Mary--seemingly with her mere presence since she was being such a good girl.

When we came back from the bathroom visit, a woman sitting behind the irritated woman, grabbed my hand as I walked past and whispered, "Would you like to switch with me? That woman is really upset with you." I gratefully accepted the offer, thereby setting me immediately behind the irritated woman instead of immediately in front of her. I'm sure she wished we were farther away.

Then I spent the remainder of Mass somewhat distracted, wondering if the woman would say something bold (like was said to a friend of mine once about her basically quiet toddler: "You ruined the Mass today!"). Should I apologize? Should I say, "I regret that you were distracted"? Should I be more challenging and ask her exactly what the problem was? I pondered these questions when I shouldn't have been, and then the woman never did say anything to me.

It was an interesting situation to me to see that there are pitfalls for pride everywhere (at least for me!) and that one can't please everyone ever. Here my daughter did fabulously and she's not even two years old, and still somebody found reason to be "very upset" with us.

I think there is a feeling creeping into Catholic parishes that children don't belong in Mass unless and until they can be silent and still (so, five, six, seven years old--even older judging by parents I see who troop their eight and nine year olds into the cry room at the start of Mass, to sit there, letting them play and eat snacks the whole time). Frankly, I think the notion is creeping in from our country's Protestant culture, as in Protestant churches it is more the norm to have "children's church" or Sunday school, so that children do not worship with their parents for years.

And that got me to pondering if that particular lack of welcoming of children in Mass is an effect of contraception being embraced by religions, starting with Protestant teachings being changed in 1920, and now among Catholics in practice, if certainly not in teaching (nor will it or can it ever be embraced in teaching). I imagined a culture where families were simply accepting of babies arriving every year or two and generally having big families: that just isn't going to be a culture that relegates children to arts and crafts rooms during worship of God. Also, that culture is going to understand the ages and stages of children and that they aren't still and silent from birth, but good behavior comes with maturity and teaching. But compare that to a culture in which virtually everyone is making sure they have their one or two children only on their own schedule, that culture is going to regard children as a nuisance, which is going to change how and where children are welcomed.

Maybe I'm on a wild sociological goose chase. These were my wandering thoughts during the latter half of Mass today because of a woman who probably wished we had "children's church"--when our parish doesn't have so much as a nursery, thank God!