The conversation with my 19-month-old this morning:
Mary [pointing to a scrape on her leg]: "What is this?"
Mama: "That is a scrape."
Mary [pointing to the scrape]: "Scrape." [Then pointing to a second scrape on her leg] "Two scrapes."
Mama: "Yes."
Mary has been repeating some numbers in sequence, which already surprised me, but this was the first time she showed indication of being able to quantify, such as it is (I was just reading a book on neurological development as pertaining to education and the concept of "counting" actually develops slowly over the first six or so years, and that a toddler or preschooler seems to "count" objects does not indicate full understanding of quantity, which is not obtained until much older).
Mary speaks in word strings ("eat food more") but also uses many full sentences, up to four and five words now and including the simple future ("I'll do it") and negatives ("I don't want it!"). She also says the present progressive tense, although not grammatically correct ("I sleeping!"--as she pretends to sleep, then laughs).
Shockingly (to me), she has been asking "why?" for about a month, when her big brother didn't start that till nearly three years old. For weeks I chalked it up to simple mimicking of her brother. Often when we tell John 'no' about something, he asks, "Why?" (a practice we're stopping: he may ask why but not in lieu of obeying!). So I figured Mary was just imitating her brother because very often when I tell her 'no,' she replies, "Why?" But the more weeks that have gone by, the more I'm wondering if she does have some degree of understanding of what she is asking. The reason I think this is because she accepts the information when I answer her, which I always do. "Mary, don't sit on the arm of the chair." "Why?" "Because I don't want you to fall down and get hurt." "Oh, okay!" (and she gets down). More interestingly, a few times Mary has asked "why" about how something worked or why somebody did something, not in response to being told 'no.'
Of course, all this ability in language (and all her physical capabilities) are wonderful, but there are different areas in which I know other toddlers have achieved more! For example, Mary will not sit in my lap for any period of time, even for our one decade of the family Rosary (five minutes long), without screaming and fighting me the whole time. And she is not allowed to descend the stairs by herself because, although she is perfectly capable, she refuses to follow my instructions to go down on her stomach backwards or her bottom, but insists on walking like an adult (which is dangerous), leaping down the stairs, or--as yesterday--hanging on the edge of the ledge of the upstairs landing, lifting her feet up (thus suspending herself over the stairs), and swinging while saying, "wheeee!" (Yes, I was right there with her, but it was yet more confirmation that she is not trustworthy to have access to the stairs unsupervised!)
Re: the prayer time, I had the same issue with Agnes. We totally stopped making her do anything (out of exasperation) and recently she has become the MOST still of all the children, quietly kneeling with her hands folded through the whole decade and mumbling gibberish for the responses. When SHE wants to that is. :) But still, same temperament, I say leave her to her devices and let her decide herself that she wants to join. Cholerics really think they are grown up so they will be most likely to imitate you if it is their choice. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for the stairs, she'll soon be old enough to understand the choices you give her rationally. Reason is the best tool with a choleric! That is one reason I love choleric children! Personally I'd let her walk down holding the rail if she wants to - Agnes has been doing it practically since beginning to walk. She wouldn't slide down, either. If she thinks she can do it, she probably can. I don't think it's that dangerous.You have all those vertical rails for her to grasp all the way down.
What a smart cookie, your Mary. :) xo
I have a question just out of curiosity - can other people understand Mary's speech so clearly as you (and I assume your husband) can? I'm still very impressed! I've only had one child out of 5 be that verbal and she's amazing at 3 years old. So much fun to have a definitive viewpoint into their thoughts, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteAt this point I don't bother to make 16 month old Andrew sit still during prayer time - he plays quietly at our feet, but he can't verbally participate either. Everyone else does since it's a "family activity" I guess. :-)
Christine: Chris and I can understand Mary's speech better than others, but I think she's fairly intelligible too--for her age. She's not just garbling. For example, when we were in California for two weeks, it seemed like my family understood Mary very well, especially after a couple of days getting used to hearing her. You know what I mean?
ReplyDeleteSarah and Christine (and anyone else): I normally wouldn't hold standards for a 19-month-old, but we have been trying to make her have similar rules to what John has. The reason is that John still has atrocious behavior during Rosary, despite being 3-1/2. Here I am hearing from friends about other children his age LEADING THE DECADE and sitting still through ALL FIVE DECADES, yet John is running around, bouncing, singing, using the rosary as a whip, and so on. I figure it is in large part because he is the older one with no bigger siblings to set an example. It's got to go better when there are four bigger siblings all behaving fairly well to set an example for the toddlers and preschoolers, right? So, first we tried setting stricter standards for John: sit quietly or kneel quietly, hold the rosary nicely or don't hold one, no requirement to pray outloud. But then his sister would be toddling around the room, playing, having a grand old time and John would be so upset. So, NEXT we tried giving them both the standards that "this is sitting time." We sit and we're quiet, just like in Mass. If John can (basically) sit and be quiet for a whole hour in Mass, why can't he be for five minutes at home? And if my husband (although not me :) is having pretty good success teaching Mary how to stay in arms and be quiet during Mass for a whole hour, why is she so wretched at home for five minutes? I'm so frustrated. I don't know how to DO THIS.
ReplyDeleteShe sounds like my Monica. They're about the same age and Monica has also been asking Why, why, why.... I thought I had at least another year before that started. Also, they're both climbers and daredevils. My little one likes to "hop" down the stairs and has to go down like mommy and big brother. We sure have our work cut out for us as parents!
ReplyDeleteP.S. regarding children behaving better for daddy. I truly believe that it's a part of their God given authority. My kids both respond better to their father. Also I think that the dad is usually not dealing with poor behavior ALL day. The kids have all day to wear us down, while they are usually coming home from work, and are 'fresh' so to speak in the discipling department. Just my opinion though.
ReplyDeleteThat's interesting! Our relatives understand Rosalie really well... but sometimes my own husband does not! I think she talks very clearly, but her voice is very high pitched and sometimes it just sounds like silliness to Allen and he asks for an interpretation (when to me, and her sibs, she very clearly said a sentence that made sense, etc.)
ReplyDeleteHere I am hearing from friends about other children his age LEADING THE DECADE and sitting still through ALL FIVE DECADES
I don't think this is necessarily typical behavior. We do the day's liturgy of the hours & readings instead of a rosary... but still, from what I've seen in various circles - a 3 yr old leading the rosary would be remarkable because it's unusual.
It's got to go better when there are four bigger siblings all behaving fairly well to set an example for the toddlers and preschoolers, right?
That's been our experience...
So, first we tried setting stricter standards for John: sit quietly or kneel quietly, hold the rosary nicely or don't hold one, no requirement to pray outloud. But then his sister would be toddling around the room, playing, having a grand old time and John would be so upset.
All of that sounds reasonable. He seems very into being a 'big boy'... perhaps suggesting to him his behavior is more akin to toddler Mary's instead of a 'big boy'... might get you somewhere. But then again - I don't think you're off base with having Mary sit still either. I just haven't needed to make that modification for our 5th baby, KWIM?
why is she so wretched at home for five minutes? I'm so frustrated. I don't know how to DO THIS.
JMHO... she is used to certain behaviors expected at church, not necessarily at home. If at home she can play, things are relaxed 95-98% of the time, she's still so very young to know that she needs to sit still during prayer time. She is just learning what prayer time is. I think what you're doing with repeated exposure, gentle expectations, isn't wrong. But I might work more on John than I would on having Mary sit still. She simply may not have the capacity to understand - even with her advanced verbal development - why she needs to sit when John clearly does and makes the choice not to. If an evening prayer time becomes a battle for assuming various physical positions I would probably re-examine how it's going, because that wouldn't benefit me spiritually and would probably frustrate me to no end!
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ReplyDeleteChristine: Thanks for all your feedback! Regarding behavior at home, we got that same information from a mother of seven, so we tried what she does. I removed almost all the children's toys from the den and put them in the bonus room and their bedrooms. The few remaining toys in the den go into the drawers of the train table, and the books are on shelves in the corner. So the den became a much more plain room without distraction. After dinner the children pick up their toys and then we try to pray our one decade without toys around. I was hoping that the room would set the tone, that this is our "praying room." We're still working on it, obviously!
ReplyDeleteSarah: Last night at Rosary, I encouraged Mary to kneel instead of sitting (and most of the time we sit). Interestingly, she really seemed to enjoy kneeling! Sure, she popped up like a Jack-in-the-Box quite a few times, but then she'd go back to kneeling. In contrast, when I try to get her to sit, she screams and thrashes. So, maybe she wants to kneel like an adult, and you know she thinks she is one!
ReplyDeleteRegarding stairs, I've been making Mary walk down the stairs with me, instead of my carrying her, for months. But yesterday I realized that I always walk one step ahead of her and that every time her balance wobbles, she grabs for me. So for a day now, I've been walking down the stairs way ahead of her, getting a head start of halfway down the stairs. She can't grab on to me and I saw right away that she's being way more conservative in holding on to the rail and going slowly. A big improvement! But something funny is that when she gets to the last six steps, she consistently stops holding on to the rail and simply walks, saying to herself, "Step! Step! Step!" It still makes me nervous because she could fall six steps to the wood below, but the L'il Miss is so confident. ~sigh~
Ha! I knew it. And if she falls six steps... she won't die and she'll learn something. Hovering is not helpful for children, it degrades their self confidence and eventually either causes them to be too timid (no risk) or be unaware of how risky things are (in rebellion, never having developed a sense of their true ability, they take risks that are really too much for them to handle). I try to let mine have as many opportunities to practice taking risks, failing and succeeding as are possible (and not life-threatening).
ReplyDelete(It doesn't mean I'm not panicking inside.) They always surprise me with their competence.
(Did you see that part in the John Holt book, I think How Children Fail, about the park in Britain where they don't allow parents inside, and the children's rate of injuries plummeted?)