My Ice Cream Date

John wearing his hat to bed because his hair was wet from bath time

Chris and I brainstormed yesterday about how to handle some negative behaviors I've been seeing in John lately. As part of that chat, we (he) had the idea (among others more discipline-based) that I should try to add some more warmth and one-on-one time to my relationship with John since there have been so many changes since Mary was born. I won't write a deeply psychoanalytical or heavy blog post, but suffice to say that John just doesn't get any alone time with his mama anymore and, as the first child, he's the only one who will ever have to go through such a big change having a sibling.

After dinner I asked John if he would like to go with me to get ice cream at Baskin Robbins. His face lit up: "Really? Let's go right now!" Then he clarified, "Just you and me?" "Yup, just you and me!" He could hardly believe it. He must have asked me four or five times if it was "just you and me." His enthusiasm showed me how much he must miss time alone with me.

Our little outing wasn't especially remarkable and I played it light, not giving any big speeches about how he'll always be my special firstborn son. As an aside, there was a special moment on our drive to the ice cream parlor. We passed a recent car accident with police cars on scene. John said, "Let's pray in the car." I wasn't positive what he meant so I asked him, "What do you want to pray about?" He answered that he wanted to pray for the people in the accident! He still doesn't vocalize his own spontaneous prayers, so I prayed on our behalf and he diligently made the sign of the cross and folded his hands together. Talk about melting a Catholic mama's heart!

We enjoyed our ice cream in mostly amiable silence. I wanted to give John space to talk to me about his own interests. He did, such as asking out of the blue, "Mama, do you like Elmo?" That led to a discussion of the merits of Elmo, John's favorite shows, and so forth. I noticed while we were out that John started acting like a Very Big Boy. He wanted to lead me through the parking lot to our car. On the drive home, John was giving me directions and, when we successfully found ourselves in our neighborhood, he kept saying, "I helped you!"

Upon arriving home, John said, "Let's tell Daddy about tonight!" He ran upstairs as fast as he could and found Chris giving Mary a bath. John said, "We went to get ice cream tonight because Mama loves me!"

And the most amazing thing is that I never said any such thing on our outing. I think it certainly shows that Chris especially was right that John would benefit from some one-on-one attention from me!

I recall one mother I knew online who had seven children at the time, so she took a neighborhood walk after dinner each night, rotating which one child got to go with her. I've heard of other mothers and fathers who use the simplest of errands and outings to rotate which child they take with them, to give the children one-on-one time. I've been so focused on "the baby" and accepting every opportunity Chris gives me to take John with him on outings, it seems like it's time for me to take John with me sometimes too.