On Monday I attended a cookie exchange with my Mothering with Grace group (a Catholic mothers' group) and it was lovely. The children watched two videos about St. Nicholas and Christmas, played a St. Nicholas quiz game, colored St. Nicholas pictures, made a St. Nicholas ornament, and received chocolate gold coins in their shoes left by the fireplace--while the mothers chatted and ate hors d'oeuvres! I came home with five other kinds of delicious cookies. I will probably bundle up the variety in pretty packages and take them to our neighbors as our Christmas gift.The event got me thinking, once again, about how choosing to be a home schooling family is going to change our lives. I won't be able to keep up these kind of objectively nice social events. In order to attend this event, I had to take extra time Sunday night to bake these cookies. Then I had to race around Monday morning to get the children and me ready to leave the house by nine o'clock. It was hard to complete my morning chores in time. I made sure to have photocopies of my cookie recipe to hand out and extra containers to bring home the other cookies. Plus I had to pack snacks and just-in-case extra clothing for my children. As always, a morning outing like this, with its 45-minutes' drive each way, causes the children to miss their naps and I often end up buying fast food lunch for us on the way home (although I didn't yesterday . . . because we ate cookies in the car for lunch!). Then because the kids have missed their afternoon nap, they are crabbier and go to bed earlier, thus throwing off our routine again. Plus I missed an entire morning of errands, chores, and play or school with my children.
I don't write all this to complain, as these kind of social events are objectively nice and good. But I recognize that I won't be able to keep up with this when we are truly home schooling. I keep trying to get into a rhythm of doing some preschool activities with John and one of the reasons I fail continually is that we have social events. Once a month I have a La Leche League meeting, and usually once a month I have an LLL social event (e.g., Thanksgiving potluck, cookie exchange, an "enrichment" meeting on a mothering topic). I have the Mothering with Grace meeting once monthly. There are various events with the local Catholic homeschooling group. Combine those with some volunteer work (e.g., taking two to three cumulative hours to plan, shop for, cook, and deliver a meal for a new mother) and my regular errands, and we're on the go and off of a routine much of a time.
You don't see institutional school teachers (public or private) working that way.
A school teacher sticks to a routine. She doesn't go hither and thither several days per week: she shows up in her classroom at the same time, same place, daily--with a few field trips sprinkled throughout the year. How could she otherwise make any progress in the curriculum? How could her schoolchildren get into the groove of doing schoolwork?
I already see that the women who can remain engaged in many activities with social clubs and church volunteer work have their children in institutional school, usually starting around two years old. For example, there are plenty of experienced mothers in my La Leche League chapter, but their older two and three children are enrolled in various daycares and schools, so the woman is bringing only her youngest baby at any given time. It's pretty easy to manage one baby through a meeting--it's already very hard for me to manage a three-year-old and one-year-old and it will only become more hard (impossible?) if God blesses us every couple of years with more babies and I don't enroll them in an institutional setting.
I recognize that right now is a lovely season of life. My children are young enough that we don't have to do formal school work. I'm not yet pregnant again when, judging by my first two experiences, I will be outright crippled with vomiting for seven to eight months and my "lofty goals" will be reduced to cooking something better than instant Cream of Wheat cereal for dinner. Right now I am in a season of health and freedom of my time, so it is a good time to enjoy all these social events.
But later will come the devout commitment of being a home schooling family. I am understanding more and more why home schooling families spend much of their time in the home because everything falls apart if mama is traipsing around doing objectively good works . . . good works for other people, but not committing to the primary duty of educating her children.
Right now I feel competent and good about myself, in great part because I appear externally to be on top of it, to be managing so many great events and social exchanges. "People out there" know that I'm doing a pretty good job as a mother! Later (probably soon) will come a time when I will need to die to self further, sacrifice my will more, to forgo appearing externally competent because I will retreat into the home further in order to commit to the children's education. My work will become more and more hidden . . . and I will be given more opportunities to meditate upon and unite myself with the hidden works of the Blessed Virgin Mother and Jesus before his public ministry.
I would love to hear the experiences about this transition from other experienced home schooling mothers.
I have no experiences to share yet, but it is interesting that I have been thinking about this very topic since yesterday. I saw a friend running around the park "alone" for exercise. Her children are in a private school. I was sad that I couldn't do that even now and lamented that that wouldn't be possible even later when homeschooling because my children will always be with me. But then I rejoiced that my children will always be with me! And who am I kidding anyway....I despise exercise!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteI find that most of my social aspects revolve around the activities that my kids are in. We belong to a couple homeschooling co-ops and what not.
ReplyDeleteI also found that what "I" needed when my kids were young has changed a lot now that my kids are older. I prefer days when we are at home. With James in 3rd and Isaac in K and two little ones running amuck, getting the lessons done takes most of the day. We have a rountine that we stick to with school lessons. And it works for us.
Every family is different. My kids are happier with a routine. They like to know what to expect.
I know a few homeschooling moms who take a Friday (or one day a week) for fun outings like this (or a Friday afternoon). They just work their schedules to make it work.
ReplyDeleteSo you couldn't do stuff several days a week like this, but you could still do outings. The beauty of homeschooling is that it allows for flexibility.
Hi Katherine,
ReplyDeleteYou know we are not a completely homeschooling family but I do have at-home school with 2 of the 3 that are old enough to do that with at this point (the younger ones are 2 and 10 months).
I think you'll find as your family grows MANY activities, not just during the day time, are stacked "against" the larger family with many young kids. You can make the choice to go or not to go, or to adapt and attend some things with "some" children if your DH is available to have the others at home. We opt to attend many things as an entire family, and to politely decline things we cannot do. I'm also able to attend some things on my own (I have a monthly book club I like to go to) in the evenings, just as my husband has several evening obligations (City Council meetings, business travel, etc.).
I always liked the part of Psalm 127 - Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the recesses of your home;
Your children like olive plants around your table.
So yes, you can withdraw to be inside the home, but that doesn't mean necessarily that you will not have this type of activity in the future. I think one of the awesome aspects to homeschooling IS the flexibility to pick up and go if you so choose. Daytime outings, schedule changes - all much easier since you are the one running the day to day show, providing the house is under control. Have you met the argument that at some point you'll have to "let the house go" to homeschool with many young ones? I have - and I disagree, because it brings chaos to have a disorganized home... of course the kids are first, but along with that comes keeping the house in order.
Just some early morning musings. I'd better go get started on MY day! :)
Katherine, I think about this all the time! Exactly. I see how distruptive to our everday life our outings are now too. So funny you wrote this post in the middle of an insanely busy week here!
ReplyDeleteI know that I'll probably withdraw from my MOMS Club when DS1 is school age, regardless of how many other littles I have. Right now I'm the president of that group and the treasurer and it takes up a lot of time with paperwork and I attend quite a few events (playgroups, etc.) with the kids once or twice a week. I know that we will never establish a routine or make consistent progress unless we are at home most the time. Our location contributes to that because everything except our tiny town library is 30+ minutes away. Any activity eats up a large amount of time.
I imagine we'll use Fridays as our errand/outing day. We already belong to a homeschool co-op we that takes up our Friday mornings (my older DS goes to a preschool play and learn class and this last session I taught International Cooking). I imagine we'll continue this or a similar group for as long as we homeschool. We'll probably sprinkle other field trips in here and there, once or twice a month. I know some homeschooling families who go to open gym and other activities on top of the Friday co-op and I don't know how they do it. Probably some of it is because they don't have to drive long distances (like we do), but I can't imagine NOT being home that much! Add church on Sunday and maybe errands or a fun activity with dad on Saturday and we're never home!
So nice to read the comments from your other readers, Katherine -- we're not alone! (sometimes I forget!)
ReplyDeleteWhat a blessing the internet is! Ha!
My good friend, a homeschooling mom of 9, does year-round school so they can have a more relaxed school schedule and take time off when things come up.
Sharon: The idea of year-round schooling strongly appeals to me. I figure, we take off a couple of weeks at Christmas, at Easter, in the summer, that's six weeks off right there. Then by going at a more relaxed pace the rest of the year, one builds in another four to six weeks of vacation days too. And I bet the kids might do well staying on a routine most of the year round. Something for me to ponder!
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