The Small Things I Ponder

I used to ponder great things. I went through a phase for a year in which I read history books nonstop. I read theological classics for several years. I attended law school for a year and exercised my mind weighing nuanced civil matters.

Now I ponder things that seem a lot smaller. I felt a nice shot of confidence today because I figured out pretty successfully how to get two babies into the van. (As I said, these are smaller matters.)

I had attended a La Leche League social event at a woman's house and had decided it was time to leave. I knew John wouldn't want to leave because he was having a grand time playing with matchbox cars. How was I going to carry a newborn, a heavy toddler potentially throwing a tantrum, and a big purse and a full paper grocery bag to the van down the flight of slippery outdoor wooden stairs in the rain? So many daunting factors!

I wore Mary in my Maya Wrap and put my warm fleece throw over both of us. Then I cheerfully gave John three warnings over several minutes of our impending departure. I saw him start to resist me (flapping his arms as his first sign of a developing tantrum). I had us say "goodbye" to each of the cars he was playing with ("Goodbye car! Goodbye Jeep! Goodbye tow truck!"). Then I took John's little hand and led him to the door with confidence and he actually followed me.

Outside I had to hold his hand very tightly on the slippery wooden stairs. John wouldn't wear his jacket, but I decided that walking in the fairly warm rain never killed anyone, so I didn't make it a point of contention. Like an obstacle course, there were many enticing toys (even a super cool dump truck) left out on the lawn between us and our van: how would I get John to keep walking and not stop to play with all those toys? I made up a fun song about marching in the puddles and on the wet leaves, which John really liked and joined in singing while stomping his feet.

I got us all the way to the van before I hit a bit of trouble. My hands were completely full so I had to let go of John's hand to get out my car keys. I haven't successfully trained John in street and parking lot behavior, so he bolted from me into the (empty) residential street. I was still wearing Mary, so I chased after John, using my VERY LOUD "serious danger" voice. I caught the little rascal ten feet away and scolded him about how he is never to run away from me in the street. We have to make a lot more progress on safe street behavior. In the meanwhile, I could have avoided the whole thing by taking my keys out of my purse before exiting the house. Duh . . .

More experienced moms are probably laughing at me (which is okay!), but maybe first-time moms can empathize with my true quandary, standing inside that house, trying to figure out how I'd manage these factors and usher us all safely to the van. I felt really good having mostly figured it out! It's these little successes that slowly add up to help build my maternal confidence.