Some of those who know me probably wondered when I'd ever do this, so I am here to report that I have twice now left John with Chris. Yipee! A couple of days ago I went on a 40-minute grocery shopping trip without John and this morning I met my friend Elaine for an hour and 45 minutes at a coffee shop without John. Elaine knitted the most adorable winter hat with ear flaps for our sweet boy. Unfortunately, he won't keep it on his head in the warm house long enough for me to snap a photo, so you might have to wait until we go outside in the bitter cold to see a good shot.
John, Chris, and I did great with our separation. I felt only slightly tense, but mostly I loved my freedom. Chris reported that John was basically quite cheerful, with only slight clinginess during my second absence; he certainly seemed chipper when I arrived home. I am now giddily planning a salon appointment without John and contemplating taking a knitting class!
I know that some people think I go beyond the nervousness of an average first-time mother to the point of being neurotic; others think I was right not to separate John from his mother any sooner than this, nor do they do so with their babies; and other folks think everything in between. I know that experienced mothers of large broods fall all along this spectrum of opinion. I'm just glad to have my husband's full support so far.
I don't pretend to have all the answers and I know I have only one year's experience under my belt, so I fully expect to learn more with the addition of time and more children (God willing). As Roman Catholics, my husband and I study parenthood from a Catholic perspective. We hope to make Catholic parenting choices, in contrast to, for example, Calvinist ones which we have found lacking. I don't think God made a mistake when he designed babies with needs. These needs are probably there for an important reason. As difficult as it may be for us parents, we believe that forming a child's conscience is preferable to breaking a child's God-given free will. I suspect that an age-appropriate need met is a need satisfied (an extension of Maslow). From knowing my boy and watching him for the last year, I feel nearly certain that he would have cried and panicked had I left him with Daddy too much earlier than this, but as it is, I think we waited long enough that he was happily ready.
Are we ready to leave John with a third party so Chris and I can go out alone? Not even close!
Foo!
ReplyDeleteHurray for you, you are doing a fine job and you have a beautiful and contented boy to prove it! Merry Christmas to you and Chris and John. May God continue to shower his blessings upon you.
ReplyDeleteNow, I must ask, is it ever really FREEZING in GA? Before you answer, remember I live in the mountains of the North East! ;-) A warm day in winter is any day above 32ºF, Most days are much cooler than that.
Lily: Thanks! I suspected I'd have your stamp of approval. ;)
ReplyDeleteNo, it rarely is freezing here in Georgia! It is *nothing* like the northeast mountains! Sometimes we'll get to freezing overnight. We'll get a dusting of snow here in the Atlanta area every other year or so. That's it! But, you know, it's chilly on our ears and fingers!
Now if it's okay to leave John with Chris...would it not follow that the same woman who gave Chris life, taught him about the great blessings of Jesus Christ, and gave him the values to love his beautiful wife and child, that she could possibly be qualified to watch John Francis while you go to the salon? I think not too many years ago, it was the grandparents who watched the children...people thought it was a sure way of passing on great wisdom. aka, Foo!
ReplyDeleteAll in good time, grandparents, all in good time!
ReplyDeleteCute!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm very happy for you to hear that you were able to enjoy some alone time without too much anxiety.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, it's my opinion that no parent should feel pressured into doing something contrary to what they feel is in their child's best interest or do something sooner than they feel ready. My Mom keeps trying to get Jason and I to let Emma stay the night with her and my Dad, but we're years away from being ready for that. It upsets my Mom, but at the same time, she's pretty understanding and only pushes the issue about once a month.
We all make appropriate parenting decisions based on the needs of our individual families. Different choices made by different families don't necessarily make one better or worse than the other...just different. Again, just my measly opinion.
With that said, I think John is a wonderful little boy, and that is a reflection of you and Chris!