We just returned from a rapid trip to and from Florida for a family funeral. The six-hour drive turned into almost eight hours each way with necessary stops. John no longer hates the car and begins screaming the second he sees the car seat, as he did when he was a newborn. However, he is certainly not able to handle many hours in the car either. When we left for Florida on Sunday, we'd already logged two hours in the car because of driving to and from Mass. There were some blissful times passed with John asleep:
But there were many minutes and hours passed with John screaming hysterically. For a while I could pacify him by nursing him in his car seat (he was safely strapped in, but Mama not so much), but after a while he was so beside himself that he wouldn't nurse and was shoving me away with his little arms. On the drive down, the final two hours were spent with John screaming unceasingly; on the drive home, it was the final one hour. (Q: "Why don't you let him cry it out?" A: "Because he has hours and hours of stamina and he doesn't just give up and fall asleep!") I had prayed to God that our drive home would be better and I suppose it was (50% better!), but it was hard to remember that in the middle of it all!
I had never been to Florida. Frankly, I am quite afraid of alligators! My fear and questioning about alligators (where do they live? will I see one? can they get inside?) reminds me of how many Midwesterners have asked me how I could live in California (where I lived for 28 years) with all the earthquakes ("Well, I don't live right on a fault line") and how many Europeans asked me if I was afraid with every American walking the streets armed with guns ("No, what I'd be afraid of is if only the criminals were armed"). People seem to flock to Florida as a wonderful place to live when I see it as teeming with man-hungry alligators!
Not only are there alligators everywhere one looks, there are serious bugs. At church, we saw several spiderwebs, each one spanning 30 feet between trees. We could see the individual spiders from 100 feet away. I walked over to one of the webs to see the spider up close, but I could not bring myself to approach closer than 20 feet because the spider was the size of small bird. Florida also has many small lizards, which I count among my friends because the lizards eat the spiders and gigantic cockroaches.
For all my fear of alligators walking the streets of Florida, I did not see any while I was there, which left me disappointed. I did see a two-inch lizard, so I told myself that maybe I really did see an alligator: a baby one.
The vegetation was awesome (in the true sense of the word). I had the sense looking around me that if human beings stopped mowing, trimming, pruning, and spraying poisons for only a few weeks, the vegetation would take over, covering and pulling down the very buildings. Below are photos of two beautiful trees covered in Spanish moss:
The vegetation is so fecund because of the moist humidity. Here it was in inland, northern Florida in October and the humidity was like nothing I have ever felt in Georgia. I felt like I was standing in a steam room. Mushrooms were growing out of the grass and mold was growing on any bare patches of soil. I can't even imagine how hot and humid it is in Florida in the summer.
Many relatives who had never before met John had their chance on this trip. Here is Grand-mom and John at the lunch following the funeral:
Yikes--Chris and I are headed to Florida in January. Now I'll be fearing giant spiders! (Alligators, not so much...but I'm NOT a spider fan!)
ReplyDeleteDo you already have John forward-facing in his car seat? I thought they weren't supposed to turn around until age 1. We still have our DS backward. He's happy so we haven't moved him yet.
ReplyDeleteCathleen: Hey, nice to "hear" from you! Chris told me a horrifying story from his childhood living in Florida. He was about ten years old taking a bath when a spider THE SIZE OF HIS FACE skittered from out of nowhere across the tile wall and stopped mere inches from Chris' head!!!
ReplyDeleteOkay, now I'm REALLY going to have nightmares about giant spiders! :-)
ReplyDeleteJohn is adorable, by the way--I check out his pix pretty much daily. Chris and I are expecting our first little one on April 15th--I think I officially entered the second trimester today. Very excited! I have an inkling it's a boy, but that's just my guess. If he/she cooperates, we can find out the gender right after Thanksgiving, when I have my 20-week ultrasound.
Courtney: Yes, indeed, we move John’s car seat forward facing. We would love to keep him wrapped in a safety bubble in every situation, but we chose to balance our decision with how utterly miserable John is in the car. He will scream endlessly and, no, he never tires of it. Turning the car seat forward after he reached 20 pounds has helped a lot. I know that some parents will be utterly horrified that we did so, just like we are horrified that when my husband grew up, car seats did not even exist. Chris’ parents shared their VW Beetle with five boys, so, of course, not everybody had seat belts or even seats. Chris, as the baby, was placed on the rear ledge under the window!
ReplyDeleteI know you’re being kind, so I say this more generally than to you specifically. I find it interesting what is politically correct to criticize in this culture. As just one example . . . Nobody would dare criticize women who wean their children instead of letting the child self-wean (which will happen between two and four years of age). This culture thinks there is nothing wrong with giving formula in bottles, despite the facts that doing so is for convenience of the mother (so she can separate herself, doesn’t have to wake up at night) and is actually BAD for the baby: it is not an equal or even NEARLY equal alternative to breast milk. Feeding formula (and using bottles) causes dramatic INCREASES in diseases (diabetes, food allergies, obesity, obstructive sleep apnea, high bad cholesterol, diarrhea, tooth decay, common infections by viruses and bacteria), causes a LACK of proper nutrients for brain development (which leads to lower IQ), causes MALFORMATION of the jaw and teeth, and INCREASES the mother’s risk of diseases (postpartum depression, breast cancer, obesity, diabetes, osteoporosis). This list of physical maladies caused by formula I compiled in about five minutes because I’m in a hurry; if I had more time to check my resources, the list would be much longer. But to criticize a mother for not nursing for the worldwide average of 30 months or the MINIMUM two years that WHO recommends or the MINIMUM one year that the AAP recommends is insulting, offensive, and inconsiderate to the woman’s “right to choose” what “feels” right to her instead of what God designed and science proves. Yet many people who saw that photo of John forward-facing are going to think quite poorly of our parenting decision. It’s interesting to me!
Cathleen: Congratulations!!! You didn't tell me you were pregnant!!! I am just thrilled to death for you and Chris. What a joy. Motherhood will be the best thing you ever do in your life.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to everybody that I posted a long, opinionated comment. I stand by my opinion and facts, but they really didn't need to be written publicly at that exact time. If people were more quiet, waiting to offer opinions until asked, we'd probably all get along better.
ReplyDeleteOn the subject of nursing, this is a really funny video cartoon that crossed my In Box today and that I enjoyed:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU3nYxuppVU
I'm sorry my post sounded accusatory; that wasn't my intent at all. I was more curious, mostly because we use the same car seat.
ReplyDeleteI thought you might have wanted to turn him forward to help with long car rides. Poor baby sounds so miserable! We've only taken 2 four-hour round trips since DS was born. The first one was awful on the way home but it was only because we didn't have enough of a gap between rides. As long as he has time to burn some energy, he's good to go.
I forgot to add to my last comment that I'm super impressed you nursed in the car. I almost needed to once, but managed to keep him calm.
Again, I was just curious because I remember another picture you posted and it looked like he was rearfacing. In my state I think it's the law that you turn them after one year AND 20 lbs., but it could be different in GA. Plus, just because it's the "law" doesn't mean it's the safest way either. NYS is notorious for making lives as difficult as possible and passing the most inconvenient laws. It's not exactly safe to be driving 65 on a highway with a screaming and hysterical baby, you know?
Our DS is happy so we haven't turned him and our car isn't designed for our seat so it's a hassle to install, but if car rides became miserable or we took a long trip, we probably would.
I'm definitely in no place to criticize another's parenting and I certainly don't think less of you because you turned him around! Goodness, I hope you haven't been hearing that. I'm no poster mother myself. I'm sorry to offend!
On another topic, I agree with everything you said about formula. Actually, I take back my previous comment about criticizing another's parenting, because I had a discussion in Target one day with an expectant woman who had already decided breastfeeding "wasn't" for her and her doctor said FF was "the same" as BF.
Oh, and I do know some women WHO would criticize those who weaned their children rather than let them self-wean. I would get a lot of flack if I had weaned at 12 months or even 16! Now this isn't really the time or place for that discussion, but I can see some situations where the mom might want to encourage some weaning (discomfort from pregnancy, etc.). On the other hand, lots of people think it's weird that I haven't weaned!
I guess when it comes to breastfeeding, I turn into a hard-core lactivist. It makes me crazy to hear that doctors are telling patients it doesn't matter HOW they feed their babies. I'm just so sick of this culture that does everything possible to separate mothers and babies and then tries to tell us it's for the best. "Take care of you." "The baby needs to learn to be independent." "You don't want him to be too attached," and on and on. What nonsense. Mothers and babies are meant to be together.
This comment took off on a tangent. Sorry! By the way, Katherine, are you on MDC? I think you'd really like that community. :-)
Now if you were driving down the road with your 2 month old forward facing in the bucket seat with a bottle hanging out of his mouth, then I might think poorly of you! Or more likely, sad that no one had educated you on properly caring for you baby. Then I'd say a prayer. I'm sure you would do the same thing for me.
Courtney:
ReplyDeleteNo, no, you weren't accusatory. I was being sensitive about other stuff.
I learned how to nurse in the car on our horrendous 6-hour drive back from Lexington, KY. John was about four months old and screamed almost the entire way. I wanted to die.
Yes, erm, our GA law is the same as your NY law.
I also understand situations when a mom has to encourage weaning. For example, I have an aquaintance who found out she had cancer so had to wean her toddler in a mere week before chemo treatments began! Pregnancy is also often a time to wean or at least night wean.
What is MDC?
Again, I'm sorry that I became a bit vocal. It probably wasn't helpful.
I have nursed both of my children in the backseat millions of times. I don't know how people drive in a car on long trips without doing it, especially if you don't use pacifiers. I got so good I could stay strapped in and lean over my kids seat and nurse at the same time.
ReplyDeleteYour blog, you are totally allowed to vent on any topic. :-) I ranted about extended nursing and "choosing" to FF in June or so on my blog. I was livid after my pediatrician told me at our 12 month visit that I NEEDED to start giving DS cows milk or risk damaging his bones. This coming right on top of the Target incident. Don't even get me started...
ReplyDeleteI think your point about PC-ness of criticizing is a good one. My lips were numb after my encounter with the "breastfeeding isn't for me" mom-to-be. Not a habit I want to keep, but I'm sorry, since when is nursing "not for moms?" Hello?? You're a woman, designed to bear children and mother them, but somehow feeding them as the Good Lord intended it, "isn't for you?"
Well, regardless of laws, I think you made the right decision about your car seat. I'm definitely thankful I haven't run into painful car trips like that. DS doesn't always like driving at night, but today he slept the whole time. Go figure!
MDC is MotheringDotCommune: www.mothering.com/discussions Definitely the place for pro-extended nursing, co-sleeping, babywearing, cloth diapering moms. Other CAF moms are members too. Many of the moms/dads are new agey, Waldorfy, but there are many Christians and everyone is AP. I will say, though, that they can be forceful about some issues, but mostly the sames ones you and I seem to vocalize too.
One more thing I wanted to say that just flew out of my head. Argh...what was it? Well, I'll be back if it comes to mind.
Oh, regarding MDC and the way certain people can come across: I think the anonymity of the Internet frees people (wrongly) from the courtesies they would adopt (I hope) in real life. Obviously, though, there are some people who are rude about those things even IRL.