The songs performed represented this year's theme of the Holy Trinity:
- Holy Blessed Trinity (Tchaikovsky)
- For the Beauty of the Earth (Rutter)
- Pater Noster
- Veni Creator Spiritus
- Veni Sancte Spiritus
- Ave Maria (Archadelt)
- Anima Christi (Frisina)
- O Most Merciful
- Magnificat (Schram)
- O God Beyond All Praising
The favorite song of both our children was the Magnificat.
From what I could hear, the group sounded absolutely beautiful. We are exceedingly grateful in this tenth year of the choir for Mrs. Kelly Schiffiano, a professional vocalist and homeschooling mother who dedicates each of her summers to passing on the patrimony of this beautiful music to our children . . . children who are future adult Catholics who will walk into their parishes and help spread the love of traditional Catholic music.
On another note, I am struggling with resentment and dark feelings because, once again, I missed virtually all of this special performance because I was outside with a very loud toddler. I spent all summer driving my children to choir practices and still didn't get to hear them sing. I paced outside with the rascally toddler in question with arguments flying back and forth in my head.
Who gets the quiet children who just sit there sweetly coloring a picture in the pews? I haven't gotten a quiet one yet!
Maybe you are a terrible parent. Maybe if you raised them right, they'd sit still and be quiet by a year old.
Get over it. This concert isn't about you, Katherine. It's about the children having an edifying experience, whether you enjoy the fruits of it or not.
But parenting is so hard, and this vocation is my whole life. Don't I deserve the fruitful moments, not just the fertilizer moments?
Well, what are you going to do about it? Make your babies and toddlers be less attached, so they're really comfortable going to other adults? Don't nurse them? Don't sleep with them? They could be less attached and not insist on only you,, if that's what you think is best for them, Mama . . .
You'll have your day. One day you won't have babies and toddlers, you'll be an elegant matron who isn't covered in spit-up and mucus and smeared graham crackers, who has finally lost the baby weight . . . and then you'll get to sit through as many concerts and performances as you want.
But then you won't have any more babies to love on!!! [Cue tears]
Perhaps an older, more experienced mother will read this post and have some wise words to help me shake off my resentment that I don't get to sit through Mass or performances of this kind or basically anything adult-oriented. Because this mama doesn't know the answer!
[Editor Husband's Response]
Thank you mom:
[Video: YouTube Link]
Beautiful pictures of our girls, Katherine. I want to hug you right now, ....thanks for your honesty. I've had more than a few similar moments/situations myself recently. I can't offer any wisdom or positive encouragement b/c we're in the same boat! Except to say, you're not a lone. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAs a mother to 9, whose youngest is now 6, I remember those busy toddler chasing days and missing things because a wee one was sick or crying. The years will fly and suddenly you'll find yourself aching a wee bit for a nursing baby or toddler to chase as you are made to stand back and watch your children fly from the nest one by one. The one thing I was always so very grateful for was my sweet husband who took more than his fair share of turns out walking the vestibule or hall with the toddler so that I could enjoy some of those precious moments too. No real advice, but just a note to say you are doing a fabulous job from what you show here on accepting the season you are in. God Bless. +JMJ+
ReplyDeleteWe were blessed that our first few seemed to be those ideal toddlers~ then came our challenging number 5. He is a real handful and truthfully, if we know it's going to be a challenge for him to be at an event, then we get a sitter for him. It seems unfair that we would expect him to act in a way that he physically, emotionally, and mentally can't achieve. All kids are different, but he doesn't know when it is a "special" event. All he seems to know is that he is uncomfortable and is constantly been shushed or reprimanded when he is trying to tell us his needs. It's frustrating on all accounts.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this is helpful, getting a sitter isn't for everyone, but he seems to enjoy the special time with a fun playmate and we get to enjoy our other children's plays, piano concerts, etc. And it's not a forever thing. As he gets older and more mature we begin taking him to things to see how well he can handle it. Tonight, for example, he is at a piano concert with Papa and one brother. Fingers crossed!
Ladies, thank you for the empathy! It is especially helpful to hear from Mom of 9.
ReplyDeleteA loved one emailed me privately and pointed out a truth that is helpful for meditation: You would have done the whole summer of Latin choir even if you couldn't attend the children's recital. Seeing a recital is icing on the cake, but the process is the cake.
Jessica: We don't have regular sitters, although we wish we had more. How we loved our beloved nanny! My 19-month-old is so clingy right now that he won't even be out of the room from me, not even for Daddy. He would be hysterical with a babysitter.
That would make me upset, too. :( I know you don't have these kinds of events often enough to make that itself the reason to 'train' a child who is clingy to accept another caregiver, so that isn't really my advice, but just a general thought in our journey through attachment parenting: attending responsively and lovingly to a baby's needs does not mean ensuring that they are always *happy.* I had some that were inconsolable for one reason or another for an extended period of time and we learned/ decided that there's a difference between, for instance, letting your baby cry it out alone to 'train' them not to bother you, and being with them through their crying even if what they want isn't happening. That, for us, included being handed off to loving Daddy even when they didn't care for that. Of course that was our reasoned decision and not a blanket statement for everyone, but that's how we handled the I only want mommy phase. My husband led the way on that one, for my sanity and my children's health :)
ReplyDeleteI do think your very openness about the resentment you feel is an indication of your good attitude. Reminds me of something I was reading recently about St Therese, how she had ugly temptations and attitudes but always cast herself on our Lord determinedly. I guess carrying crosses can be heavy even if we do it in love.
Sarah: Thank you for your encouragement. I am reminded (and have been wondering lately) that this year-and-a-half-old ONLY MOMMY thing is a phase I seem to recall each toddler going through. I wonder if it is that they are exploring their world so much more, stretching their legs, so they really want a safety home base very nearby. Remembering it is a phase we can work through helps me.
ReplyDeleteAnd I quite like your point about the difference between leaving them to cry alone and for the purpose of training them versus leaving them in loving care even if it isn't what they would prefer. And I do sometimes leave Joseph with Daddy and he does cry, but sometimes these things are necessary for the greater good (like Mommy not having a breakdown).
I was thinking about the comments on this post today as a dear friend was agonizing over the trauma that her new daughter was experiencing - this mama's 9th adopted child, baby has cancer in her eye... WE as adults know that the terrible fear and grief and separation that baby was having due to being taken from her nannies at adoption time was part of the same process that will truly save her life. But was that any consolation at all to her at the moment? Probably not. And actually not much to my friend at the moment either. They have had the hardest day... But, as you point out, there is a huge difference between being left to cry alone for some training purpose, and somehow always keeping them happy. which isn't sometimes for the greater good of the child or the family....
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