When Catholic Homeschoolers Go Bad

Police Report

Arresting officer: Captain Daddy

Date and time of arrest: Sunday night, July 20, around 9:00 p.m.

Suspects: From the notorious 'Mater Dei' gang: Goofy Boy, Tree Climber, and the junior member Sweet Pea

Criminal Code Violations:

Section 100 Paragraph 4:  Children out of their beds after 'lights out'

Section 173 Paragraph 6: Fraternizing with siblings in their other bedrooms

Section 212 Paragraph 3: Playing stereo above Volume 3 (aka 'setting for bedtime listening')

Section 243 Paragraph 12: Entering storage closet without permission

The gang was discovered to have congregated in Goofy Boy's hideout for an unauthorized slumber party. Gang members had entered the storage closet without permission to obtain their sleeping bags (one red with cowboys, one green with jungle animals), which they had arranged on the bedroom floor. All suspects were quietly tucked into their bed or sleeping bags listening to a Gregorian Chant CD they had found, playing it far above the permissible volume for nighttime listening. Plus they were awake too late.

Review of surveillance video from the local hangout called 'The Den' reveals the gang had earlier that evening been spotted having a raucous good time at an occasional gathering known as a 'Family Movie Night.'

The movie in question was Disney's 1969 "Rascal," about a young man who adopts a baby raccoon for the summer.

As there can be no doubt, hilarity ensues from this animal adventure. Witnesses report consumption of one mood-altering substance: chocolate-chip ice cream.

Judge's Ruling: The judge could not help but be merciful to this gang of Catholic homeschoolers gone bad. The stereo was turned down a notch, children given kisses on their foreheads, and they were left to listen to Gregorian chant while the Arresting Office and his wife slumped down and thanked God for such 'problems.'