I did it.
After almost seven years (one wedding, one move across country, one move state-to-state, and one move in-city, and three children birthed), I managed to throw away my hundereds of notecards used to study for my final exams at the end of my first (and only) year of law school.
Finally I was able to push through the nagging thoughts that these cards were proof that I'd done something "important." Evidence that I was smart once upon a time, even if my days are currently filled with teaching ABCs and how to sit still through Mass, and I drop nouns right and left because of sheer sleep exhaustion.
I was able to face that I will not ever be able to use these cards to study again. First, if I ever went back to law school, I'd have to write the note cards all over again because that is how a person learns. Second, I know, of course, that I'm not ever going to go back to law school and I knew that when I left it to marry, even though so many people cheerfully encouraged me that I might go back someday. (Yeah, really, I don't think that when my last kid has flown the nest and I'm about 60 years old I'm going to go into six figures worth of debt to pursue a law degree so I can work long hours and be low woman on the totem pole at a job.)
After all these years, I was able to look at the cards, take a deep breath, accept that they really are utterly worthless to me and anyone else now, and throw them away.
I chose a different path and have been incredibly blessed along the journey.
Next on the hit list: my tremendously heavy boxes full of law school text books in the attic. But don't rush me. I can only throw away these (seemingly but not really) important symbols so fast!
Bonus Reading (and not unrelated to this post):
- "Don't Carpe Diem" by Glennon Melton
- "To the Mother With Only One Child" by Simcha Fisher
Good for you. The only career path I would've consciously chosen is so time and financially intensive to come out with a degree and then put it to use that it will NEVER happen... And I'm totally ok with that now.
ReplyDeleteI try to "feed my brain" reading subjects of interest and I love to go way over the top with science discussions with my kids.
I have seen several friends go back to school and make choices I just couldn't, go through lots of emotional pain, etc... I'm ok with not going back to school!
Instead of throwing away the books you could try and sell them on Ebay/craigslist or see if you could give them to a poor law student. Or do they get outdated??
ReplyDeleteAnna: Yes, they do get outdated. Since they're all based on case law and there is new case law every year, they get stale fast.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Small steps can lead to great accomplishments, or sometimes as the case may be a less cluttered house......heart and mind!!
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting that you have chosen this topic. I also have a difficult time letting go of academic items from college or ones that pertain to degree paths that I did not finish (those unrealized dreams).
ReplyDeleteBut my house is cluttered by these mementos now, and I no longer have a desire to have them around. They just don't fit my life anymore. My life is a wife and mother, and many of the dreams of my youth are no longer my dreams. And that is fine. I definitely have no desire to go back to school. If that changes, I will enroll, but it's just not likely until my children are in college. By then I would like to travel, though.
Good post. I too have lots of vestigal academic parafernalia that I haven't been able to part with. I think you have articulated some of the reasons why I might be holding on to it. Although, at least some of it, I wonder if it could be useful for homeschooling some day... But maybe I need to accept that fact that I don't need swahili flash cards and probably won't ever look at them again!
ReplyDelete