Source of image: http://www2.hci.edu.sg/y08hci0118/DtoD/home/index.htmlJohn is proving to be quite the little peacemaker. I'm curious to see how much this trait will express itself in the negative (if John cannot withstand any conflict, so chooses peace at all cost) or in the positive (that he is fair, judicial, and merciful in negotiating conflicts).
I've noticed that if Mary is crying because we are having a standoff (say, I won't let her get dressed until she does a potty check, so she's throwing a full-out tantrum while I sit calmly and wait), John will go to lengths to get her to stop crying, such as putting on a lullaby CD and bringing her her favorite stuffed animal. If I am correcting Mary's bad behavior (and I'm being calm and reasonable!), John will come and tell me, "It's okay that she did that, Mama." Earlier today Mary purposefully poured out her water bottle all over the floor (a favorite naughty pastime of hers) and when John saw me making her wipe it up with a towel, he ran and got a towel in order to join her in her consequences. One time we had a standoff with Mary that lasted at least 30 minutes because she refused to say 'sorry' for hitting John (purposefully and hard). John kept apologizing for her despite our telling him that she had to apologize, not him. He's even told me at other times, "I'm apologizing for Mary since she won't do it."
And just now Mary and John were drawing on paper with pens. I caught Mary drawing on her hands and I corrected her, telling her that if she did it again I'd take away the pen. Two minutes later she was drawing on her skin again, so I calmly took away the pen. She cried. So John gave her his pen and told me that he wanted to "give her another chance," even though it meant he didn't have a pen to draw with (and I didn't give him a new one). "I can wait to draw, Mama."
I have a feeling we're going to have to teach him over the years to be able to withstand the discomfort of conflict better.
I recall that this peacemaking is a very melancholic trait. In fact, I even remember an anecdote of a peacemaking melancholic apologizing on behalf of a prideful choleric in a conference I listened to on the topic of the four temperaments! And now I get to see that played out in my own kitchen!
Oh man it's a good thing you are so fair and so involved with them, or you know Mary will be taking full advantage of those brotherly offers!! I can just see her being imperial and ordering him around OR ELSE! Ha ha.
ReplyDeleteYour kids are going to turn out so great. :)
Hope you are feeling okay.
Sarah Faith: I know what you mean! At two, Mary is still a little bit clueless, but by three she could be mercilessly bossy if I don't watch it! Already she shouts these commands, both at her brother and strangers in public (we are working on that behavior!). I need to get it on video tape while it's still funny to witness.
ReplyDeletehe is so sweet. He found his way to make both Mommy and sister feel better.
ReplyDeletemy two year old is the quuen of tantrums, so Masha always tries to make her feel better and console her
As a peacemaker who does everything she can to avoid conflict, even at the price of sometimes compromising myself, my feelings, and my opinions, I encourage you to temper this characteristic of his with a little assertiveness and maybe even a wee spot of aggressiveness.
ReplyDeleteOn one hand, my "fair-mindedness" has served me well in relationships in that I'm able to work through issues, but on the other hand, it's also caused A LOT of problems for me, running into situations where I get trampled over. It's kind of a tough spot to be in.
I also think the fact that I'm an only child caused a lot of these problems for me, because I never really got to experience conflict and conflict resolution. So perhaps having younger siblings will benefit John and help him overcome any pushover traits he may exhibit.