Crowders Mountain January 2013

Thirteen days old yesterday and Joseph nursed for five minutes! We cheer these baby steps of progress!

Hiking at Crowders Mountain with Daddy

Happy 7th Anniversary!

 Cute Margaret (22 months)!

Snuggles with Auntie Erica 

Monday was our seventh wedding anniversary! Celebrating this year reminded me of our first wedding anniversary when we had a newborn. This year, we stayed home. I managed to write Chris a card--but I'm not kidding that I wrote out the few sentences over four attempts in 24 hours, each time interrupted by the baby crying. I'm not even sure what I wrote was coherent.

Chris sneaked out and got me a sweet giftie plus an ice cream cake to celebrate with the children.

I'm glad we have these beautiful four "olive shoots" as fruit of our marriage (Psalm 128:3), even if it slows down our "jet-setting lifestyle" (ha ha).

Twelve Days Old

My emotional status about the nursing situation fluctuates every few hours.

My IBCLC came for another visit on Saturday, we tried some techniques with Joseph and we drafted the next stage of our plan.

Sometimes I see a tiny improvement (Joseph latched!) and am overjoyed. Other times I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and do not understand how he is going to learn to nurse.

I want to be there for the big kids more than I am. Sometimes the girls especially cry for me when I just can't spare any minutes for snuggles with them. It is so hard for me to hear them (needfully) being taken back downstairs--wailing for me--when I know their emotions are legitimate.

Chris is super supportive of this whole endeavor: I am blessed.

Calf about twice as thick as my index finger

Foot smaller than my thumb

Our five-month-old goddaughter now looks nearly like a toddler compared to our newborn son!

A lovely, brief visit from a friend 

Before: Nothing like feeling postpartum hormones and watching one's son be whisked off to the Emergency Room. I managed to fake calm and cheerful on his behalf. I knew he'd be okay but seeing him starting to panic made me feel mirror emotions. John had gotten his finger stuck in a toy (a math manipulative from my weights and measure set, actually) and then it swelled up. He was pretty tearful so the above anesthetic of choice while in the waiting room is the iPad.

After: All was well! The doctor was able to remove it without even having to cut it. Little tip for us parents in the future: ice down the finger to make the swelling go down!

Updates from Thursday

Gratitude List of the Day

Joseph, Day 8 (Thursday)

I am grateful for all the prayers, well wishes, and encouragement. Those who know me personally as an exclusively nursing mother for the prior six years understand the emotional pain I'm feeling from having a newborn who isn't nursing without my having to spell it all out. Right now, I am clinging to hearing that my former IBCLC in Atlanta has never had a baby she couldn't get back to nursing, my current IBCLC in more than ten years has gotten hundreds of babies back to nursing, and how many anecdotes women friends have shared with me about how it took them days, weeks, or months, but they succeeded in getting a baby to learn to nurse. Nuestra Senoa de La Leche et Buon Parto, pray for us!

By Day 8, Joseph regained and exceeded his birth weight: 6 lbs 7 oz!!! I don't have a new bilirubin count yet, but his color is better and he is waking up a bit, so we know there is good improvement.

On Thursday I could fit into my loosest non-maternity clothing and wear my largest ring on my wedding finger again. These little things make a gal feel good!

A friend introduced me to "Keeping Up Appearances," which is available on Netflix Instant Streaming and has me in stitches--something I need right now to keep up spirits!

I enjoy the feeling of falling in love with a newborn again. Some aspects of it are instantaneous, some grow over days and time as I get to know him. Feels so good!

On Thursday, Joseph had at least two more periods of quiet alertness!

I am so relieved to be able to stay cocooned in my home right now thanks to two adults taking care of me, parishioners delivering meals, a midwife who makes house calls, a local grocery store which offers delivery service, etc. Many mothers are not so blessed.

Bonus Reading: Click here for a blog post about the idea behind "professional parenting." It resonates so strongly with my perspective on my vocation as a mother. I look forward to having the time to explore the many links in the article.

Happy One Week, Joseph!

An old pregnancy photo of me? Nope, that's me doing Kangaroo Care with Joseph, a practice shown to have statistically significant benefits like helping newborns regulate heart rate and temperature (thereby not wasting calories to do those things) and gain weight faster.

Blessings from Joseph's One-Week Birthday (Wednesday)

1. Having a good weepy breakdown with one's lactation consultant and husband helps ease Mama's tension so she can keep on keepin' on with this two-hour cycle of baby care.

2. I am learning many spiritual lessons through this rocky start to nursing.

3. I'm getting much better supply results for Joseph.

4. Joseph is gaining weight well, which means his bilirubin is surely being cleared out (I hope to get him tested Friday). For three days, he gained two ounces per day!

5. Around four o'clock, Joseph woke up on his own to eat! He woke up on his own and squeaked to eat!!!

6. And then after I woke him and fed him around seven o'clock, he stayed happily and quietly alert (photo above) for at least twenty minutes! This is the baby who I've been feeding by bottle and blunt syringe while he's fast asleep most of the time.

7. My IBCLC says that these signs of Joseph waking up means we can start trying to teach him how to nurse directly!

This 40th Anniversary is a Dark Day

Click here to read a brief article about the creepiest abortion advertisement ever.

It is so creepy, I can't shake the feeling that I am literally staring at someone possessed by Satan--I am not kidding. I am in tears and feel sick to my stomach.

Even though the legitimate journalistic source of LifeSiteNews stated in the article that this is not a spoof, I could not believe it. Nothing like this could be real. So I went to the source website and it does appear to be real--unless some pro-life organization actually invented an entire organization, got famous Hollywood actors to participate in it, and built a whole sham website for it.

Joseph Day 6

How on earth are we blessed with all four of these souls?!

This has been a very busy few days. A postpartum whirlwind!

This week, John learned how to ride his bicycle without training wheels! (Chris was there, I was upstairs resting.) For Christmas, the children received Striders, which are glider bikes lacking pedals, the purpose of which is to allow children to teach themselves to balance. John and Mary have spent the last month gliding and zooming all over our drive way and the trails in the back yard. When Chris tried taking off the training wheels from John's regular bike, John just took off! No teaching, no parent running alongside, no fear. Very cool!  (And then John lost his second tooth today!)

On Sunday, Chris took the children to an impromptu birthday party at a local park: playground equipment, pizza, and cake, what fun!

So cute! One little benefit to having had a son is that I can still call Margaret my "baby girl." She doesn't have to automatically lose her "baby" status!

It's so odd--each morning Margaret has taken a nap (having not taken morning naps in months), putting herself to sleep with a pillow and blanket in a random location in the house. The above nap was taken while Aunt Erica was loudly playing piano and singing songs in the same room. Fine by me! 

Joseph actually awake for a few brief moments! Getting his sun bath in the window.

Meanwhile, I am focusing so much energy in helping Joseph get enough calories to clear his bilirubin and wake up. Being early and being jaundiced makes babies oh-so sleepy. As a La Leche League leader (now retired), I have counseled women with sleepy newborns, but I've never had one myself. Joseph sleeps all the time: I don't know how long he'd sleep if I let him, but I have to wake him every two hours to meet the goal of twelve one-ounce feedings per day. He's not transferring milk well, so I'm feeding him milk via blunt syringe and bottle. I began bottle-feeding him all wrong (I know bunches about nursing, not bottle-feeding!), so within 24 hours of supplementation, he stopped nursing directly at all. Believe me--through tears I am learning some spiritual lessons here.

Now I have learned the paced feeding method and hope that will help him get over his preference for a fast, easy flow. In the meanwhile, my IBCLC tells me to be confident that I am a very experienced nursing mother and we will get Joseph back to nursing once his bilirubin (15 as of yesterday) is gone and he wakes up. In the meanwhile, I continue a two-hour cycle of attempted nursing, pumping, feeding via bottle, putting Joseph undressed in a sunny window (sun breaks down bilirubin), changing his diaper, and letting him fall back asleep, all to start again at the two-hour mark. The good news is that Joseph is gaining weight very well with this bottle-feeding: two ounces per day for the last three days! The plan is working!

I am grateful that Joseph is my fourth baby because I can work through these difficulties with fewer tears and panic than I would otherwise. I am grateful to have two other adults in the house helping take care of me and everything so I can take care of Joseph. I am grateful that my family is so well-fed with meals delivered to us.

It has been a luxury to post to the blog!

Gratitude

I am so grateful to all the help I am getting during my "babymoon." Right now, most of my time has to go toward getting nursing well-established in the face of some difficulties causing too fast of weight loss (Joseph's, not mine--too bad!).

I am thankful to my husband's employer which this year increased its paternity leave benefit from one to two weeks. I am thankful for my husband who truly shines as a caregiver when I have a baby. (Will our stairway carpets become threadbare from all the running up-and-down he is doing so I can stay in the bedroom?) I am thankful for my stepfather who gave us the huge gift of flying out my aunt to take care of us. I am thankful for my aunt who rearranged her work schedule to be here and also is doing 110% to take care of us. One might not think it would take two adults to take care of the house in my absence, but it sure does and they are keeping very, very busy. And I am thankful for my dear friends and fellow parishioners are bringing us (delicious!) meals.

Joseph Day 4

Joseph snuggled in my lap while I read: He's so small, he's about twice the size of my paperback! 

It's rare that Joseph tolerates being set down (not that I blame him!), but occasionally I can snuggle him for a few minutes in the Boppy pillow (that has gone through various babies since his cousin who turns 13 this week!--I just bought a new removable cover for it).

Mama, it's cold when you change my outfit! I'm a skinny little guy!

What a boy!

Crack of dawn holding session between Sister Mary and Brother Joseph

Mary: "I wonder when God will send us a girl baby."

Mama: "I don't know when He might send us a girl!"

Mary: "I hope he sends us a girl baby tomorrow."

Wounds of Christ

You Know You're Catholic When . . .

. . . the mischief into which the four-year-old gets with misuse of markers is to draw red dots on her palms and to announce, "Now I have the wounds of Christ!"