Learning to Read

We are launching!

John (4-1/2) wants to read and now it seems like signs of readiness are present: he figured out his letters this year (at the same time as Mary, two years younger!), he began asking all the time about rhyming, and he is now obsessed with spelling things, continually asking me to spell words, which he then taps out on the computer or writes out by hand.

So I bought "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons" and we launched today with Lesson 1. Mary insisted on joining us too, but wandered away halfway through, which was all for the better. John did well and wanted to move ahead to the second lesson, such that I felt like I was holding back a team of horses. (The book advocates following the teaching instructions strictly with the first child and not getting creative till later children, and I'm rather too nervous to do otherwise!)

I am excited to see where this goes and I hope I do the job competently.

The Hot Outdoors

Renewed personal efforts to cut back on TV (we've had a few days with no TV lately!) resulted today in the children playing with a stick: they made a seesaw that really worked!

Mary runs around barefoot. I remember as a child in the summers developing tough calloused feet, almost like I had my own natural pair of "shoes."

"Look, Mama, Margaret is wearing my hat!"

She smiles and coos these days--so fun!

Mary becomes more tan with the passing sunny days, seeming to have the Italian skin coloring from Daddy's side.

John, on the other hand, has my porcelain skin and doesn't tan, only flushes bright red and sweats! (I have to be careful about him in the heat.)

Who is that big boy and where did my baby John go?

My First Curtains

I have sewn my first curtains (using this free pattern). I am very grateful to my friend's mother D---, seamstress extraordinaire, who gave me advice on fabric choices and construction. I chose a blue/grey-and-white striped seersucker fabric with white muslin for the lining. I thought the fabric would be slightly masculine and utilitarian to match the garage. The photo of the curtains is perhaps boring because the window is at the top of an elevated ceiling and there was no way to exclude the garage door track from the photo.

And now the view into the garage is blocked from the outside, which is always safer. I plan to make the same curtains for two more garage windows and a different curtain (blue/yellow toile) for the laundry room; then I'd like to repair the professionally made curtains (that came with the house) in the dining room whose muslin lining has shredded in the constant sunlight.

Another success of the day was finally--after more than thirty years--finding a recipe that makes carrots palatable to me: Cheesy Carrots!

What Did I Expect?

May at at 2-1/2 still sometimes throws things down in anger from the kitchen table. Today we were home from Mass and the kids were eating their one doughnut apiece as a reward for good behavior at church. I placed a wet wash cloth on the table next to Mary, which I do at every meal, for her to wipe up with afterward (envision toddler coated in chocolate doughnut crumbs). Mary saw it, grabbed it, and threw it down on the floor with a glare at me.

I quietly reminded her that we do not throw things on the floor and told her she needed to pick it up. She stared me down. I told her that now I was going to take away the remainder of her doughnut and keep it safe until she was ready to pick up the wash cloth. Envision a Western movie scene with Clint Eastwood staring down a no good bad guy and you'll have an idea of Mary's expression toward me.

Then as quick as Clint grabbing for his holstered gun, Mary stuffed half a doughnut into her mouth all at once, showing me just how far her cheeks can stretch.

What did I expect except that exact reaction?

I had to cover my mouth with my hand so she wouldn't see me laughing. And then Mary calmly and slowly picked up her wash cloth off the floor and wiped herself clean.

One of Those Days

You know it is One of Those Days when . . .

1. the breakfast and lunch dishes weren't washed until 1:00 p.m.,

2. the box of breakfast cereal wasn't put away until 6:00 p.m., and

3. by the time the kitchen floor was swept in the evening after a bowl of raisins was dropped (dumped!) on the linoleum at lunch, the floor looked barely improved because by then all the raisins had been smeared into the floor by the pitter patter of little feat and now will need to be scraped up by hand. And we can only guess when Mama will have energy to get to that!

Prayer Life

I'd love to hear from moms in the Early Years and from moms with more experience about what goals and actual accomplishments you have for the prayer life you foster with your children. I think there are as many variations as there are faith-filled families.

Here is what we've been trying lately, keeping in mind that our prayer life is like an old jalopy: starting off with a loud bang, sputtering, puttering, sometimes going fast, sometimes stalling out in a ditch!

Morning Offering: For Catholics, this means saying some morning prayers, greeting God for the day, and offering up in advance one's works and sufferings to the Lord. I have been trying this with the section of "Morning Prayers" for an antique missal we have. I discovered that the whole fifteen minutes was too long for these little kids, so lately I have been trying an abbreviated section of the same prayers, lasting about three minutes. One question is when to say these prayers? The moments when we first wake up are chaotic, plus people wake at different times. Praying at the table right before breakfast has the benefit of the children already being gathered (don't have to gather them twice), but then the food is getting cold. I like best an idea I got from a mom-acquaintance of eight children: they pray at seven o'clock, so everyone is up by then, but breakfast isn't on the table yet.

Blessing Before Meals and After Meals: We pray grace before all meals and snacks, and we pray Blessing After Meals at least after dinner together.

The Angelus: Traditionally the Angelus (which takes about two minutes) is prayed at 6:00 a.m., noon, and 6:00 p.m. I have been trying to pray it only at noon with the children--trying being the operative word. I find that I'm forgetting this very often because noon is our transition time between lunch and going upstairs for Quiet Time. Yet, I should be able to associate this prayer with that transition time. It's a work in progress. (Note that the beautiful painting, "The Angelus" shows that the pious farming couple pauses their work out in the fields to pray this prayer.)

The Rosary: For a Catholic family, we think that praying a daily rosary is probably the most important and formative prayer possible--if no other prayers are said! The graces that come from it are immense. Plus there is the pragmatic aspect that praying the rosary at home daily gives the children daily practice at sitting still during prayer, which is the perfect practice for Mass. In our family, we are still mastering praying one good decade with the children: for adults, this would take about three minutes, but it takes our children at least ten minutes because of various involvement, lack of involvement, and parental corrections. When we get good at one, we plan to add one more decade at a time until we're doing five.

A question is when to pray the rosary? Traditionally, families pray it in the evening after dinner. This can be difficult because the kids are at their worse then. But after playing around with it, we think there are good reasons for the traditional time after dinner. We are finding that it makes for a nice transition from the active day to the quiet bedtime. (We know one family in which the children clean up from dinner, dash to put on their pajamas, the family prays the rosary together, and then the littles go off to sleep and the bigger kids have quiet time in their rooms before bed.)

So, we've been praying the rosary after dinner. Usually I wash the dishes and the kids have picked up any mess in the den before we had dinner. Then when I'm done washing dishes, we all meet in the den to pray our decade. If it is a dessert night, we eat dessert after the rosary. But sometimes we've been praying our decade while still sitting at the dinner table, with our having only quickly cleared the plates off. This has the benefit of not having to gather the children a second time, but it only works if we've all finished eating at the same time and if the kids aren't already seriously done with sitting at the table.

Mass: Did you know that the Mass is actually a prayer? It is, in fact, the most important prayer for Catholics. We attend every Sunday and Day of Obligation, of course. Currently I am working on a goal of taking the children to one additional Mass during the week (for those who don't know, Mass is offered every single day, not just on Sundays). I am working into this gradually, as this is an intense season of my life as a mom, with only little kids, no bigs to help yet, and an infant in tow.

Bedtime Prayers: Then there are bedtime prayers. This is usually Daddy's domain because he does the bedtime routine with the "big" kids while I'm tending to the baby at her more fussy time. We try to work in basic prayers like the Our Father and the Angel of God prayer, plus our individual prayer intentions. At times we have been in a good routine of having each child do a private, age-appropriate Examination of Conscience during evening prayers, and this is a fantastic practice (I note to myself, who is totally out of the habit right now!).

Spontaneous Prayers: I would like to be better about small, heartfelt spontaneous prayers said throughout the day. This can be as small as responding to a child showing me a flower by saying, "How beautiful! Thank you, God, for giving us flowers to enjoy." "Pray without ceasing. In all circumstances give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thess. 5:17-18). This kind of prayer does not come naturally to me, but it is so sweet to be interwoven into the day. Our children's godmother excels at this kind of prayer and I love witnessing it when we visit (which is never often enough).

What prayers do you do? What do you want to do as a goal? What has worked and what has failed?

Trying T-Tapp

Miss Margaret now sits contentedly in a bouncy seat for 15 to 30 minutes first thing in the morning--her longest stretch for the whole day. So, that means I can try easing back into some modicum of an exercise routine. (And why can't I go on neighborhood walks with the kids? Surely pushing a 40-pound stroller with a toddler and baby in it is a great workout? Yes, except that I come back from those walks a twitching ball of nerves because Margaret screams the whole time, whether I wear her or she rides in the stroller. Hhhhmmmm . . . I wonder if my stress and raised blood pressure helps me burn more calories?)

So, I'm trying the T-Tapp videos. I like that they are brief. In fact, it is encouraged that one do certain of the moves (e.g., hoe downs) throughout the day, in between regular tasks--no need to get geared up in exercise clothes at those times. I mean, one would look like a dork, but one would be raising one's heart rate and lowering blood sugar. I was particularly interested when I was "trolling" around the T-Tapp forums and saw a remarkable number of mothers of large families (6, 8, 10 kids) who swear by these videos, especially or cycling through pregnancies. I mean, if a mother of ten can manage these, then surely I can try, right? The exercises are physical therapy-based, so with minor modifications can be used by the disabled, the elderly, the injured, and women who are pregnant or postpartum. And the website even mentions that many homeschooling families use T-Tapp videos as their (indoor) physical education! So, you can see, I had to try it.

I'm only a few days into it (prime time for me to up and quit one more passing fad!) and I'm using the free feature of trying before I buy. There are about seven free clips on the website.

Now, what is super funny is having the kids try it with me. I don't know who looks funnier: big ol' mama tripping all over trying to learn the maneuvers or lanky, uncoordinated kids leaping about trying to learn the moves.

Funny things kids say about exercise:

After doing the measly 15 minutes of T-Tapp I could handle this morning, I asked John to help me unload the dishwasher.

John: "The bottom part?"

Mama: "Well, I'd like your help with all of it."

John: "You know, all that bending over is exercise for you."

Mama: "Yes, well. It's my job to teach you how to run a home so that when you grow up and move away, you'll know how to take care of yourself. So, now you may help me unload the dishwasher."

And then later Mary was flapping the baby's arms about and I asked her to stop. She explained (referring to a T-Tapp maneuver): "Mama, I'm showing Margaret how to do The Butterfly!"

Reading to My Boy

Currently I am reading Little House on the Prairie to John (and Mary, but she just flits around the room, wandering over only when the page has a picture).

John is a four-year-old boy.

He is my first four-year-old boy, so I don't know what they're like in general, but I suspect they're pretty active. When I am reading, John is doing gymnastics next to me on the sofa. He does many hand stands. Every so often I check in with him to see if "we're done" of if he'd like me to keep reading. He asks me to keep reading and says he is listening.

It is very hard for him to sit still.

I know he can do it because he can muster all his focus and get through a 60- or even 90-minute Mass. But it's hard! I sure do wonder how many boys are diagnosed with some label (not saying they're all false labels) and put on some program or medication simply because they're healthy boys and not more mature, sit-still kind of girls in a totally female-oriented institutional school setting.

Sometimes before prayers at home (e.g., 10-minute rosary after dinner) I send John to "get the jumpies out." Then he'll do something like more than 100 jumps on the trampoline followed by 30 laps running around the den. Or he'll run around the house ten times.

If only we could bottle and sell that energy . . .

Dinner Out

Last night we hired a sitter and went out to dinner, probably for the first time in about four to five months. It was very nice and refreshing to get out. On one hand, the time since Margaret was born has flown by, but it really says something when I realize I've been with all three children almost 24/7 and every single evening for almost five months without a break. I've got to watch that I don't go so long without refreshment because Mama starts to go just a little bit bonkers . . .

Of course, Miss M. accompanied us. She was mostly a pleasant dinner companion, although she did require an open-air constitutional outside the restaurant for five minutes during the middle of the meal so she could collect herself and fall into a restful sleep. She had adoring fans cooing and giggling at her from adjoining tables and we all know that kind of attention exhausts a young lady.

"Immaculate Mary"

Pajama-clad Mary and then John sing "Immaculate Mary."

We don't know how Mary got that bruise and/or rug burn on her forehead. She wails and moans about fake or minor injuries but doesn't miss a beat when she gets a real injury!

Note how John becomes shy and hides around the corner while singing.

Tuesday Happenings

Free child labor in my several times yearly scrub-down of the sun room to remove caked-on dust, mildew, and spider webs (the kids had a blast!)

Some see only children cutting up an envelope that was being thrown in the trash, but I see a homeschooling "project" developing fine motor skills--and this is what I gave them to do so I could cook the split pea soup in peace. However, they spotted my ruse and insisted on helping me: John cut up the celery for the soup!

Playing Mass

John: "I need some vestments!"

Thanks for the Thanks

Chris was working late, so wasn't eating dinner with us. A few minutes into dinner, Mary (2.5) gasped and exclaimed, "Oh no! We didn't thank you!" I asked, "Thank who?" Mary said, "You! Mama, thank you for making us dinner." And then John piped in with the same.

So, thank you goes to my husband for training the children to thank me nightly for cooking dinner, whether they like the food or not. (And, don't get me wrong, we still have to work on reminders never to use "yucky" or "gross" talk at the table.)

House Rules

Recently I heard an idea from a mom of many (nine?) passed on to me by a lovely friend who is also mom to many: Don't have more House Rules than can fit on the white board in your kitchen.

Now, this assumes a couple of things: you have a white board in your kitchen (we do!) and you have House Rules (not yet!).

House Rules are an interesting concept and, we think, a good one. There are rules that are universal, such as, in our home, the Ten Commandments. Then there are House Rules, which are tailored to what is important to you as a couple and are not universally important. Different families will have different House Rules.

I have been thinking about House Rules for a whole week now! I deliver most of our rules to the children as negatives: don't do this, don't do that. The list of things not to do is endless. But perhaps it is a good practice much of the time to give positive rules: goals to aim for, virtues to develop.

So, mom-friends, what would be some of your House Rules? If God could encompass all forbidden behavior in ten rules, can we encompass our behavioral goals onto a white board? How do we come up with our rules? (I have been meditating upon the Ten Commandments, the Corporal Works of Mercy, the Spiritual Works of Mercy, the seven gifts of the Holy Ghost and 12 fruits of the Holy Ghost, the three theological virtues and four cardinal virtues, the seven capital sins and their contrary virtues, and what are specific problem behaviors in the home we don't like.)

These are the rough draft rules I've thought of this week, but I feel like we have much refining work to do:

Speak softly and kindly. (This rule copied directly from that mom of many.)

--This rule covers a wide gamut: shouting at inappropriate times and places, bathroom noises, back talk to parents, mean talk to siblings, name-calling, two-year-old tantrums, teenage flip talk, etc.

Obey Daddy and Mama first, ask questions second.

--This is to try to counteract the constant questioning of "why?" I'm happy to explain things, as I want to teach reasoning, but obedience is more important! I'll catch Mary holding a steak knife and I'll be crying out, "Put that down!" to which she'll reply "why?" as she continues waving the knife around.

We work before we play.

Take care of your own belongings.

--This should cover dirty clothes stuffed into hiding places, shoes on the floor, toys strewn everywhere, etc.

Clean up after yourself.

--This should cover learning to be responsible for one's own messes: clearing plates, putting away arts and crafts, making one's own bed, wiping away one's own toothpaste globs, etc. Can this be combined with the last rule or should they be separate?

Come when you are called.

--This is very specific when we are trying to come up with broad rules. But I think it is critically important, a matter of safety.

Ladies before gentleman.

--Is this silly to have as a rule? It's something we've been saying around the house and the kids picked it up instantly. It has actually solved a lot of shoving and jockeying for position!

I know we are missing many good rules! This exercise is surprisingly hard and has occupied much of my brain for a whole week. I'd love to hear any House Rules you've found tried and true.

Father's Day 2011

For his Father's Day gift, John made a Story Book for his daddy. He came up with the text and had me write it out. (Yes, I did misspell "forest" and, yes, I am an English major.) John asked me to draw the outlines of the pictures he described and then he colored them in.

We drove 75 miles to a church in South Carolina to attend a Missa Cantata, which was lovely. Then we had lunch at The Beacon Drive In Restaurant (as seen on "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Drives"). It's a cool place where one can order gizzards with trim or without!

After dinner at home, we had a (store-bought) ice cream cake. The kids could not separate the idea of a cake from singing "Happy Birthday," so I had them sing "Happy Father's Day" to that tune.

Margaret at Three Months

The children made this foil hat for Margaret (at the crack of dawn when I was pouring my coffee). It reminded me of some foil hat with which to tune in to alien messages, which made me laugh--but as I said, I hadn't had my coffee yet, so maybe "you had to be there."

Margaret will be three months old tomorrow. Being the third child, I have stopped being able to keep track of how many weeks old she is (whereas with John, I probably could have answered someone off the top of my head, 'Oh yes, my baby is 43 weeks 5 days today.")

The newborn chaos is starting to fade. Margaret is woken every morning by her siblings and I haven't figured out yet how to prevent that, so she falls asleep again about 45 minutes later (probably a continuation of her night sleep). She has consolidated her morning nap, which seems to start around 8:30 or 9:00 a.m. and lasts three and a half to four hours. If everything goes right, I can get her to sleep in her bassinet for that extended period. Do you know how productive I can be when not carrying a baby for four hours? Then during the afternoon she takes a series of one-hour naps (often in her bassinet!), and I imagine her afternoon nap will consolidate in the coming weeks. She's usually asleep for the night by eight and her wakings are erratic: might be twice, might be five times.

Margaret weights about fourteen and a half pounds now, which is a nice gain of two pounds in the last month.

She is basically calm now during her quiet, wakeful periods, which is so much appreciated by me. It seems like her extended crying periods happen if she wants to fall asleep, but we're at a period of activity in which I can't go sit and nurse her down (e.g., smack in the middle of making dinner, or driving down the road), or if she's having ouchie reflux.

Other than that, she now reclines and watches her hands float or her siblings do antics. She smiles and coos back and forth with us. I feel like I'm starting to breathe a sigh of relief and have some order to my days!

Internet Excess

You know you're participating in too many online forums when you're having a nice, face-to-face discussion with your husband and you change the subject by saying, "I don't want to hijack this thread, but . . ."

The Housewife's Roller Coaster

The emotional "roller coaster" of a suburban housewife:

Up: It is Quiet Time and both big kids are being quiet in their own rooms. The baby is nursing to sleep. Peace reigns. Deep breaths.

Down: When the four-year-old escapes Quiet Time, Mama investigates the very quiet two-year-old to discover that she escaped while Mama was nursing down the baby--silently slipping right past us! What do we find downstairs? The toddler has eaten half a loaf of homemade peach cobbler bread and strewn about ten gazillion crumbs on the floor. Said with chipmunk cheeks and garbled voice: "Sorry for eating your bread, Mama."

Up: Crumbs are cleaned up, Mama might as well take advantage of this lovely nap the baby is taking to make tonight's dinner. The kids will cook with me and we will be a Happy Family.

Down: But there are no onions. The two meal options for which I have ingredients absolutely require onions. Can I wake up the baby and load all the kids in the car at three o'clock in the afternoon to go buy onions? No. Can I send husband to go buy onions? No. Can I make something else for dinner . . . like toast?

Up: Husband wanders into the kitchen and mentions that he'll be at a Catholic men's event tonight. Problem solved. Mama and kids will have cold cereal for dinner and be happy about it! Ah, peace reigns again.

All my problems should be this small, right? I am blessed.

Mary's First Haircut

Mary had her first haircut today at two and a half years old!

I wouldn't have bothered except she was finally started to get split ends. She was excited to get her first "trim cut" as she called it, although made a sour expression because she didn't want me taking a photo.

I cut only about one inch, but it sure makes her hair look shorter!

Little lesson learned: When using online videos to keep your toddler sitting still during a hair cut, don't play Barney singing "If You're Happy and You Know It" because what do you think said toddler will do? Clap her hands, stomp her feet, dance around . . . .

Why Kids Don't Need Toys

No, I'm not ready to chuck out our kids' toys . . . BUT I think increasingly that kids really don't need much and that the more toys they have, the more trouble they cause.

I have a dear friend with six kids who regularly runs a series on her blog called "Why Kids Don't Need Toys." In these posts, she shows photographs of her kids being super creative with regular household objects. This is a result of her having very few toys in the house for her kids and taking even those away with some regularity when the toys aren't being taken care of.

I thought of her recently because of my kids playing creatively, which they're been doing together since Mary was all of 18 months old and John 3-1/2. Lately there has been a sharp increase in creative play because I moved most of their toys away. I stripped their two bedrooms of many toys (leaving behind only quiet toys and books) to make them havens of peace, in hopes of inspiring more rest. Then I stripped the den entirely of toys to make the before-dinner clean-up easier. As a result, virtually all children's toys are in the bonus room, which is the Official Play Room.

But the kids don't want to play there.

The kids and I keep the play room picked up and orderly, so there is plenty of room for play. The room houses fabulous toys, musical instruments, a dress-up bin, blocks, and so forth. But the kids insist on playing right near wherever I am, so days go by without their entering the play room. Since I am in the kitchen almost all day, the kids play in the adjoining den, which has contained no toys for weeks now. Therefore the kids play a series of imaginative games, such as one of them being a kitty cat or doggie and the other being the owner. Or they're both detectives searching out something that is lost. Or they are launching a rocket ship (this results in endless rounds of them counting down and then racing around wildly making a loud "shhhhh" sound). Since we've been reading "Little House on the Prairie," I've heard them playing games about wolves coming and about building a house. Speaking of building, they build many forts and tents with blankets and many bridges with planks of wood. When I'm upstairs doing chores, the kids want to play nearby me and, since there are few toys upstairs, these same imaginative games result.

It makes me wonder what would happen if I got rid of more of their toys! Chris and I have long thought that the number of toys that American children have is ridiculous. I know that around here, toys promptly turn my sweetly playing children into squabbling hooligans, interrupting my work to negotiate their fights. But they don't fight like that when they're acting out something in imagination.

Also I wonder if children with fewer toys take care of their toys better. With "Little House" on my mind, I wonder how settler children cared for the one doll or one toy they might have had. My children are rough with their toys and when I admonish them not to throw or break their toys, my kids say blithely, "It's okay, we'd just buy a new one." If they had only a few really solid toys, wouldn't they treasure them? My kids have way too many pairs of shoes and the results is that they are daily losing them around the house (despite my having a designated Shoe Area right inside the door), then hunting high and low for just that perfect pair of shoes. Really, if my kids had one pair of dress shoes and one pair of play shoes, would they treat their shoes so poorly?

No, I'm not ready to start chucking toys, but I think I am ready to try an experiment of boxing a good portion of the toys away, with the idea to rotate a smaller number of toys in and out of circulation. This should make cleaning up each day much easier for the children and result in the kids having renewed excitement when they see "new" (old) toys come back into circulation.

What are your thoughts, mamas? Have you tried reducing the number of toys in your house? What were the results?

Homemade Peanut Butter

Today I tried my hand at making peanut butter at home. I was inspired by reading the delightfully funny and smart first chapter of "Make the Bread, Buy the Butter" by Jennifer Reese, which will be released in October. She spent a year figuring out which food conveniences were worth making from scratch and which were better to buy, calculating nutrition, time, and expenses. In the first chapter, which had me tearful with laughter, she mentions that homemade peanut butter costs half the store bought variety.

The grinding was a bit loud.

The finished product was quite good, if I do say so myself! I actually used about three-quarters peanuts, one-quarter almonds, adding some peanut oil and honey. I'd like to try to get the nut butter even creamier (I ground it for about five minutes) and a bit sweeter. The entire project from getting out the ingredients to putting the finished product in its jar took all of ten minutes, so I'll definitely be doing this again.

Delicious White Food

I try not to go on and on about John's picky/limited eating anymore. But those of you who have followed the saga since he was six months old or who have a picky eater of your own will appreciate this comment:

The kids and I had come home from the grocery store, where I had bought us bakery treats, as chosen by each of us. We arrived home, washed up, and sat down to eat our treats. John asked what we each had, so I showed how I had a molasses cookie and Mary showed how she had a chocolate chip cookie. John had chosen a plain croissant and he said with triumphant joy:

"And mine has no flavor at all!"

He would probably be happy if all his food had "no flavor at all," sweet boy!

God Informs His Thinking

I am tickled at how God informs John's thinking on all manner of subjects. There have been two examples lately that made me chuckle at their sweetness.

1. Several times while I have been pushing the kids on the swings, they have complained that I don't push as high as Daddy does. I explained that Daddy is stronger than me. When asked why, I said that most grown men are stronger than most grown ladies and, when asked why about that, I said that's how God designed our bodies. Fast forward to one day out and about when John noticed a woman with long fingernails and he asked me about it later. I said that ladies often wear their nails longer than men do. He asked why Daddy wears his nails short and I said that when men do work with their hands, long nails would get in the way, so men tend to wear short nails (not getting into explanations of cultural history of men doing manual labor and how, when women were recently freed from manual labor, they could begin growing their nails long as a sign of privilege). Then John pondered seriously, "Maybe God gave ladies longer fingernails so that they couldn't do the work that men do."

Delightful! But then I explained how God doesn't determine our fingernail length, it's just something that we grow, and I showed him that I keep my fingernails fairly short too (for a lady) because I hold babies often and do a lot of work with my hands.

2. John was telling me over breakfast that human beings are omnivores, which means that we eat everything: plants, meat, everything. Then he suggested that we plant a fruit tree in our yard so that we can eat some fruit. I explained that our yard does not have enough sunlight to grow fruits or vegetables. Why not? Because we have so many tall trees. Let's cut them down. Well, we can't cut them down because our homeowners' association doesn't allow it. That led to a discussion of John saying that when he is a grown-up, he wants to move to a house with a sunny yard so he can grow fruits and vegetables.

But then I saw something connect in his brain and he pointed out to me energetically, "But the Garden where Adam and Eve lived was full of trees and bushes and vines, and it had the Tree of Good and Evil in it. No, it was called the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. And it grew fruit. So, it must have had enough sun! There must not have been any other trees right around the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Right?"

I said that it's true, the Tree must have received enough sunlight to grow fruit. I love how he is connecting scientific truths and God's revealed truth in his four-year-old way!

And then, as an aside, John proceeded to tell me the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden, the snake, the trickery, the reasoning, and their being expelled from the garden. He even got nuanced details right about God knowing what was best for us, how God told the rule to Adam, how Adam told it to Eve, and how the snake tricked Eve. I wonder if Daddy recently read him the story because I haven't!

I'm loving this!

Sources of Modest Clothing

I have plenty of friends, loved ones, and readers who are increasingly dismayed about immodesty, but have differing definitions of what constitutes modest dress (and for what ages, genders, and activities, such as swimming and sports). I have had girlfriends ask me several times where to find modest clothing, so I have shared my compiled list of stores with them. I see other women who dress in a charming, attractive and modest way, and I don't feel that I've achieved the charming and attractive parts consistently yet. I work with a combination of little teaching about fashion (what looks flattering on different human body shapes), my beliefs about modesty, clothing that must be nursing-friendly, and the fact that I go up and down within four sizes due to repeated pregnancies!

Now I present that list of clothiers here and I hope to update it every so often. (Note that I don't think every item sold in these stores is modest.) If you have a store you think provides modest clothing, please email me the name so I can add it to this list!

Original Post: June 12, 2011, Last Updated: June 20, 2017

** Note this extensive list of sources of modest clothing compiled by Colleen Hammond--makes me wonder why I have bothered to start a list of my own! **

** Note this extensive list of sources of modest clothing at Pure Modesty--likely a better list than I offer! **

Appleseed's

Apostolic Clothing

April Cornell (for women and girls)

Be Precious Clothing (the Slinky Half Shell Tank has revolutionized what tops I can wear modestly!)

Biblical Garden

Carissa Rose: Clothes in Proportionate Sizes (I haven't ordered from here, but think it's a fabulous concept to be able to order nearly custom-made clothing to fit one's body shape.)

Diviine Modestee

Downeast Basics (might be especially appealing to teenagers)

Dressing for His Glory (I've never ordered from them, but am very interested to try their skorts and culottes for walking exercise, and their various swimwear--skirts, skorts, and tees! Also, they seem to have a lot of clothing for middle schoolers!)


Etsy (enter in "long skirt" as the search term)

French Toast (source of school uniform clothing)


Funky Frum (see especially the layering shells)

HalfTee (Fantastic source for half tee-shirt shells, not just for women, but for children, starting at size 4, and plus-sized women!)

Hannah Andersson (a good portion of their clothing is not what I'd call modest, but they have some good finds, especially leggings and plain white underclothing for girls)


A List of Jewish Women's Modest Clothiers

Another List of Modest Clothiers

J. Jill

JMJ Modest Dress


Just Long Shirts

Kosher Casual

Kosher Casual--note their exercise skirt with leggings built in

Lands End (see especially the swimwear and the classic knit dresses for girls in short and long sleeves)

Milkarose Fashion (might be especially appealing to teenagers)

Mira Clothes (home of the Exerskirt! Yes, I own this with the shirt and they are wonderful!)

ModBod (Sarah recommends the Perfect Cap Sleeve as an underlayer)

Modcloth (might be especially appealing to teenagers)

Modest Apparel USA


Modest Like Mary Originals

The Modest Mom

Mollyme Clothing


New Creation Women's Apparel (I have been extremely pleased with the skirts I have ordered from this company!)


Orvis (See especially long skirts. The Passport Travel Fabric Shell is wonderful. Does Orvis offer annual warehouse sales in your area? If so, you can buy this expensive clothing for dramatically less.)


Phyllis Jean (I highly recommend the superior blouses for little girls: opaque white broadcloth, 3/4 sleeves, Peter Pan collar, sweet lace, all at a low price!)


Pretty Me Maternity (see the sleeveless layer, the 3/4 sleeve layer, and the long sleeve layer)

Princess Modest Swimwear

Rey Swimwear

Ringger Clothing

Sierra Brooke

Simply Modest Swimwear (sewing patterns also available)

Skirt Extenders by A Slip Shop and Babblings and More

The Skirt Outlet

The Skirt Site (see the Kiki Riki shells)

Sock Dreams (good source for over-the-knee socks to wear under long skirts in winter)

Swim Modest

The Children's Place carries plain white underclothing for girls

Etsy: Treasures of Tradition and Treasures of Tradition (Susannah is a friend of mine, she makes clothing to order as well)


Tznius (3/4 sleeves, long skirts, head coverings)

Order Custom-Made Clothing

eShakti (clothing customized to all your own measurements and length preferences, received within 18 calendar days)

Sewing Your Own Modest Clothing

A Fashion Show . . . Meet Virginia

Chapel Veils

Garlands of Grace

Headcoverings on Etsy

Wear Your Mantilla (Note "Where to Purchase Chapel Veils" on the side)

If you'd like to read more, several good titles on modesty are:

"A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue" by Wendy Shalit (Orthodox Jewish perspective)

"Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It's Not Bad to Be Good" by Wendy Shalit (I haven't read this book yet, but recommend it based on Shalit's first excellent book)

"Dressing with Dignity" by Colleen Hammond (Catholic perspective)

"Those Who Serve God Should Not Follow the Fashions" (Catholic perspective)

"How Should I Dress for Mass and Adoration?" (Catholic perspective)

Ladies Against Feminism website (Protestant perspective: search for term "modest")

"Notification Concerning Men's Dress Worn by Women" by Guiseppe Cardinal Siri

Catholic Homilies:

"Christian Modesty" by Fr. Augustine Tran 5/02/10

"Modesty and How we Dress (Especially at Mass)" by a priest on on EWTN

"Modesty in Dress at Church" by Fr. Ronald Brown

Fun Food Saturday

On Saturday morning, we tried out the recommended Matthews Farmers' Market, which turned out to be excellent. All products are grown or made within 50 miles of the market and sold by the growers (see the Vendor List). There was entertainment provided as well: cooking demonstrations, candle-making for the kids, and live music. If one signs up for the email, one can know ahead of time what time the events will be.

Afterward we came home and the kids hopped in the kiddie pool. Note the suds in the pool: this is what Daddies let kids do! No harm, no foul, but lots of fun. While the kids were splashing, Chris had been using dish soap and a scrubber brush "gun" to clean the gutters. When he was done, he let the kids use the remaining dish soap to make their pool sudsy. Then they spent another hour pretending to be Grampa Neil with his white beard (unfortunately, no photos record that).

Mary was grumpy and wouldn't smile for the camera.

The kids then ate an outdoor picnic lunch in their swim suits: instead of mommy trying to make them a proper meal, they ate finger foods of plantain chips with sunflower seed butter, currents, hot dog, pepperoni, cheese, and pecans. The kids devoured the plate instead of complaining. Why don't I do this more often?

Then we made real lemonade since I had a plethora of lemons. Mary was having the best time eating a raw lemon, peel and all, but was cross when I tried to take a photo of her.

No, you won't photograph me!

We ended the day making homemade pizza, dough and all, which I have finally mastered, at least in its basic form, after only five years of working on it. I've lately been making every Saturday, "Pizza Saturday." The kids enjoy it, especially when it is followed by ice cream cones!

A New Level of Reading Stories

Recently I was inspired by the mention of another Catholic mom on her blog to buy "Little House on the Prairie" and try reading it to the kids. This is a real Chapter Book with few pictures (black and white line drawings every few pages). Do you know how long I've been waiting to be able to read such books to my little ones?!

We are having success . . . great success! For a bibliophile mother like me, this is an exciting new chapter in our lives (pun intended).

I haven't been reading to the children much in the last few months because I had it stuck in my head that the "best" reading time is right before bed. But that is one of the baby's most difficult times of day, so I am always busy tending the baby while Chris is doing the bedtime routine. And if he's out of town on business, I am juggling all three littles and definitely have no energy or ability to read stories at the end of my days. But it occurred to me this week with the purchase of this book to try reading regularly at a time that does work for me (one of those "of course!" moments).

I began reading one chapter per day after quiet time. I like how children this age basically accept any new thing if you present it as obviously occurring, like something completely normal. So whether it is a new reading time or a new prayer time or a new chore, I just say one day, "Okay children, now it's reading time, come gather round!" And it just seems as if It Has Always Been That Way.

So, I began reading one chapter per day and it turns out John is now old enough to sit still and really listen. Mary plays in the room, running over to see the pictures every few pages, or she even leaves and plays in another room. John is now gripped by the story and has begun asking me at odd times of day to read him another chapter. In fact, I am so gripped by the story (which I may or may not have ever read, I can't remember reading it) that I've been saying 'yes' because I'm dying to know what will happen next. Will the Ingalls be swept away in the river? Will Jack the bulldog ever be found? Will the family build their log cabin? Will the wolves eat them? When will they ever see the Indians in person?

And only a week into reading these chapters, I'm seeing my children playing their imaginative games about "making camp" and "wolves coming." It's so neat!

I know that these are a lot of words to describe simply reading a new kind of book to my kids. But fellow bibliophile-mothers will understand!

Grampa Neil Goes Home

The third and fourth days of Grampa Neil's visit were full of playing "free form chess" (as we call it), launching foam rockets, splashing in the kiddie pool, and eating.

The visits are always too short, but Neil has to get home quickly to take care of my mom.

In an update on Margaret, this was the week (almost 12 weeks old) when she discovered her hands. I get so much enjoyment out of watching a baby this age watching her own hands float mysteriously and enticingly in front of her face. Last night Mary was in her baby swing, where she spends about ten minutes each evening, and--as she has for the last two weeks--she was plotting just how to capture the dangling red dog and yellow cat. If only she could catch those rascally critters! Well, last night was the night when she actually reached her arm out with all her concentration and caught the dangling yellow cat! And then her eyes flew open in stunned surprised and she couldn't believe what she had done! Even three babies into this, I love witnessing that moment!

Neil's Visit Day 2

On Tuesday, we started the day by visiting The Map Shop, which is exactly as it sounds. What a neat store (for those who like maps)! Grampa gifted the children with a really neat (not cartoon-ish) children's atlas and a puzzle of the map of the United States.

Then we crossed the street to visit a local farmer's market that meets on Tuesdays. It was a fun experience for the kids, but Neil and I were scoffing a bit, as most of the sellers were hawking conventional groceries. I'm accustomed to the farmer's market in the small town where I grew up, in which all the sellers are local farmers, Joe from down on rural Hwy 87, Mike from the next rural town over, and so forth. So imagine my dismay when I was reaching for grapes at our local farmer's market to see them labeled "from Mexico." Of course, then my stepdad reminded me, "you don't really have grape and banana crops here in North Carolina, right?" Anyway, it was a fun experience for the kids but not a place I'd drove across town to buy local produce.

Then we inaugurated the water slide I had bought last winter, new at a consignment sale. Unfortunately, after Grampa got it all set up, we noticed that our hose isn't fully functioning, in that Chris and I had to cut off the metal screw-thingy at the end of it last summer (I forget why). So the hose wouldn't screw into the slide, causing Grampa to have to stand there dutifully and spray the water for the kids the whole time. Plus we discovered that at two and four, the kids were a little young to get the concept of running, diving, and sliding on their tummies. They had fun nonetheless.

For my friends who know how much I "love" spiders, I must share this vignette: A few mornings ago, John came rushing to me: "Mama, there is a spider web THIS BIG in the bathroom!" He spread his arms as far as they could go and I thought, 'yeah, whatever, it's some tiny web.' So I replied that it was okay, just go brush your teeth anyway. Which John did.

Then I escorted Mary into the bathroom where John said cheerfully, "I brushed my teeth without getting in the spider web!" Now I was beginning to wonder.

I looked at the sink and saw that overnight a spider had run a huge web stringing from the lights above the mirror down to the front of the sink, in a big, three-dimensional triangle. The spider sat smack in the middle of the web at my head height. John was standing there on his stool, brushing his teeth, reaching the brush around the web to the running water behind it.

Of course, I began shrieking just a little bit, admonished the children to step back, and launched into action. That spider met a watery death and his web was dispatched.

EDIT to this blog post: I thought Mary was being particularly undemanding and well-mannered while I wrote this blog post. She was so quiet five feet away behind my back in the kitchen! But when I finished and turned around, I discovered that she had emptied my sugar bowl, which I had just refilled yesterday with 3/4-cup of sugar. Some of the sugar was on the floor, but most of it was gone, and her face was encrusted with the glorious crystals. I wonder how much that child ate! Apparently I have not grown sufficient "eyes in the back of my head" yet!

Grampa Neil Meets Margaret

My stepfather Neil is here from California to meet Baby Margaret! We had a great first day, in which we picked him up from his red eye flight, had a great Southern breakfast, and stopped in to two stores to buy a book ("Little House on the Prairie"--John loved the first chapter) and a swim shirt for John.

We swam in the back yard . . .

. . . sweltered in the humidity . . .

. . . and launched air rockets on the driveway!