Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Lacing Cards
One of Those Days
Then Monday night, Mary woke up four times between 7:30 p.m. and 10:00 p.m., such that I realized it was going to be a bad night. I went to bed, already resentful that I couldn't delve into the sewing project I wanted to try because Mary kept waking up. Then I lay there with insomnia for a couple more hours. I got four whole hours of sleep (punctuated by Mary's regular wakings to nurse) before Mary inexplicably woke at 4:00 a.m. and stayed awake for two hours. I finally got her to sleep at 6:00, but there was at that point no way I could physically fall asleep, so I got up to enjoy some alone time.
At 6:09, John woke up for the day.
At 6:18, Mary woke up for the day.
So much for alone time. Mama was extremely grumpy this morning. Still suffering from the cold, tired from getting less than my normal not-so-luxurious six hours of broken sleep nightly. I got the bright idea that if I was going to be tired and grumpy, we'd do errands to "get us out of the house." A change of scenery would do us good, right?
I got the kids loaded up and Mary declined to do a potty check before we left. We went to the first store and bought lacing cards for John, as he's been unlacing all his shoes and trying to lace things with the laces for a week. We came out of the store and, before walking to the next store, I asked Mary if she wanted to do a potty check and she did! I keep a traveling potty in the van because sometimes that is easier to use with toddlers than navigating public bathrooms. So Mary did a potty check but nothing happened. Well, as long as we were in the van, I would drive us to the other end of the strip mall instead of walking.
We drove to the other end of the strip mall for our second errand. I got the kids all unloaded and we trooped into the store, at which point Mary announced urgently, "Potty!" Oh, now she had a feeling. Being in an unfamiliar store and being parked right outside, I judged it easier to use our travel potty, so I dashed us out to the van and got Mary seated, where she finally did her business. Meanwhile, I let John sit in the driver's seat as a big treat, while I was standing on the side of our van, the sliding door open, helping Mary.
And then John touched a button.
He pulled the lever that opens the gas tank door. As soon as I heard the click, I said, "What are you doing? You're touching buttons! What is the first Rule of Buttons?! Never touch a button if you don't know what it does!" The way the Honda Odyssey is designed, the gas tank door is behind the sliding door when the sliding door is open. And if the sliding door is open when the gas tank door opens, there is a "safety feature" that causes the sliding door to lock in place, open. And there is no way to override it once it happens.
So that means it is "safer" to be stuck God-only-knows-where (what if I'd been parked in gangland or something?) with the door open, unable to drive safely, rather than risk getting some scratches in the paint because I close the sliding door while the gas tank door is open. This design feature is profiled at a crudely but aptly named website about bad designs.
I tried to figure out how to get my arm into the two-inch thin crevice to close the gas tank door. My arm is not that skinny. It was only 9:30 a.m. but the heat was nearly 90 degrees, the Southern humidity probably nearly 100%, and the heat radiating off the black asphalt of the parking lot had me drenched in sweat.
After several minutes, I called Chris to ask for advice. Of course, he said I needed to Get Help. Now, my temperament combined with aspects of my childhood caused me to be Very Independent. I loathe asking for help. For example, most of the time I would rather forgo my recipe and change my meal plan rather than ask a grocery store employee where to find a particular food ingredient. So, Chris told me that I needed to take the kids into the nearby hardware store and ask a man for help and I might have replied something about how "I would rather die" and that I would figure it out myself.
I stood there another 20 minutes or so working on it. I had various children's books in the car, so I tried to slide them in and use them to close the gas tank door. One large, thin hardcover book seemed promising. I worked with it for a long time. Chris called me back and I answered, "I'm almost ready to give up and ask for help." He asked if I'd rather he leave work and drive to come help me. I decided that if I were going to be "humiliated" by needing help, I'd rather it be by my husband than a stranger at the hardware store, so I accepted.
At that point, I almost took the hardcover book out of the crevice, but decided to give up and sit there since Chris was on his way. I sat there and steamed. Poor John felt mortified throughout because every time he asked something innocent like, "Could we close the door so that no flies come in the van?" I'd answer sharply, "No! We can't! Because you touched a button that you didn't know what it did and you broke something and now we are stuck!" (Not one of my better mothering moments.)
Chris showed up 15 minutes later with a long metal stick. He peered into the crevice and said that the book was in the way, he couldn't see anything. I told him I'd left it there since he could shove it out with his long metal stick better than I could with my fatter-than-two-inch-wide arm. So he shoved it through and to the ground and peered again. He was confused and said the gas tank door seemed to be closed. What? I looked in and the gas tank door was now closed. The act of pushing the book through had closed the gas tank door, which had been my whole plan. Chris tugged on the sliding door, the safety feature was no longer locking it, so it closed with ease.
Thus proving my point that I Don't Need Help and that I Can Figure Everything Out, Thankyouverymuch.
[Husband's note: didn't I suggest the book idea on our first phone call?]
I was so grumpy, so I asked Chris if he could stay with the children for five minutes in the van so I could dash into that second store and get that one thing I came for. I ran inside and they don't even carry that one thing. So I came back out to find that John was asking if he could drive home in Daddy's car. I said, well, if I had only one child with me, then would it be okay if I drove to a fabric store to get that one item, which it would definitely carry? Chris said sure and drove John home.
I drove to the fabric store, hauled Mary inside, and discovered that the interfacing I was going to buy to make a duplicate of my pattern was actually so expensive (the cheapest being $2/ 20"-yard) that I could more easily buy a whole new pattern if I wanted one in the future. So I left the store without even buying the interfacing which had been my whole point for visiting the other store where Mary had to go potty, which is why we went back to the van where John pushed the button and got us stuck there, even though ultimately I Did Not Need Any Help!
Yeah, so, you can imagine my mood driving home.
I just thank God these are the little things in life. Today alone I have friends in Russia adopting a baby after a journey of much sorrow, another friend (mother of 11) in a custody battle after a horrific abandonment-divorce, another friend (mother of three) stuck in a complicated real estate situation, another friend (mother of six) battling bad cancer, my own mother bedridden with multiple sclerosis, and many other family members and friends carrying heavy crosses today, private and not private, too many to list here.
I am almost done throwing my pity party now. Thanks for coming.
Creativity
I think you had to be there, but the children were being so sweet, pretending to be turtles.
Our decrepit, obese cat Missy gets no peace from the children (who adore her). I grabbed the video camera because previously Mary had been calling out extremely loudly, "Kitty! Kitty! Kitty!"
This morning the children were playing with an item from the Mass kit, which they began pretending was a microphone.
Monday, June 28, 2010
We Have Nobody in Diapers

Mary is potty trained at 19-1/2 months!
While we were in California she regressed a little, as I expected, so when we got back I took away her diapers and it took her two days to become reoriented. For the last week, she has been wearing cotton trainer underwear full-time, including when we go on errands, social visits, and during her naps and overnights. I was not going to put her in underwear overnight, but the first night I took off her new Big Girl Underwear and put her in a diaper, she became very upset and demanded I switch her back. She has stayed dry for all of her naps and six of eight overnights (although I think staying dry overnight is mainly a hormone thing rather than a result of training, which is why it is so variable among children). She has stayed dry while we do errands, including one morning I visited four stores in a row. She stayed dry when we visited two friends at their homes this week, and when I left her with a babysitter at a third friend's home: Mary didn't ask the babysitter to take her to the potty, but she did stay dry for four hours till I got back. She even stayed dry during a (wonderful!) three-hour visit of a family with eight children, during which time Mary was away from me, playing with the children, utterly engrossed in those activities.
Mary is averaging zero to one accidents per day (and yesterday had two). Her weak spot is that she gets her choleric self all ruffled if I suggest we do a "potty check." If she doesn't feel the need, she doesn't want me telling her what to do and then she won't go visit the bathroom. Early in the week, I was making her visit the bathroom about once an hour and she simply went on strike, she was so angry. It was an awful day and the next day I threw up my hands, thinking, 'Fine, girl, you just do this on your own.' Well, it turns out that she needs to visit the potty only every three hours or so, making my frequent potty checks really irritating! This still remains a weak spot, though, because I know if she needs to visit the potty proactively because we're about to play outside, go on an errand, or go for a car drive, but she wants to wait till she feels it--which means coming in from outdoors, setting aside our grocery cart to find a public restroom, or pulling over from driving. It's not the most convenient, but that is okay with me!
I did some searching online for what is a definition of being potty trained and I read interesting debates about it. Mary still needs my help with her clothing and washing her hands, and she still absolutely benefits from my suggesting she visit the potty upon waking and at other times. So some people would consider that not potty trained because she is not 100% independent. I think that definition is unfairly restrictive. My three-and-a-half-year-old still needs help getting certain pairs of his pants back on and I expect to be reminding him to visit the facilities before we leave the house for another year or two--so that would make him not fully potty trained either.
A few days ago, I saw a grocery cart full of diapers with a "50% Off" sign on it. Wow, I can stock up! I rushed over and then realized I still have a half pack of diapers at home and I don't need more anyway. So I ended up buying one pack for $5 to donate to our crisis pregnancy center's diaper drive. (I would have bought them all at that price, but the remainder were sizes five and six, which are for big preschoolers and not so much for the clientele babies at a crisis pregnancy center.)
Three cheers for our big girl!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Feast of St. John the Baptist
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
R.I.P. Tomato Crop
Today we memorialize our entire crop of cherry tomatoes, picked in the green youth of life. May you rest in peace in a better place where one-year-olds don't get into the vegetable patch and pick every single tomato off the bush when Mother isn't looking. We will remember you fondly and know that you would have achieved red sweetness had your life not been plucked so early. (Stock photo from online.)Why I Need To Get Rid of More of Our Toys
Collecting earthworms in the yardDespite our owning several riding toys, the children spent this morning pulling each other around in a garden cart (that normally has a lid on it).
Monday, June 21, 2010
Mary Imitates
Mary has become the little mimicker of her big brother. It amazes me to see how she instantly starts imitating him, whether he's doing something admirable or rascally. The phenomenon drives home for me the point of how important it is to form one's firstborn because he or she will serve as an example for the younger children.
We use time-outs and started with John around 24 months old (not that I think I know the "right" time to start with any given child). We have not begun time-outs with Mary as of 19 months old. Last night John was serving a time-out for some naughtiness when Mary ran over and hit me with a toy hammer. I told her, "Ma'am, you may not hit Mama! This toy is going into time out." I placed the hammer up on a shelf. Mary let out a solitary scream of indignation . . . and then she marched herself right over to the time-out spot and stood facing the wall right next to her brother. So, I think she's starting to get the concept of what time out is from watching her big brother!
Bonus, short video of Mary dancing
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's Day 2010
Our day was a bit of a comedy of errors, or perhaps just spontaneous. After Mass I had planned to cook us a special breakfast (using the new waffle maker), but we had plans for a family fun event that was slightly north of church, so it didn't make sense to drive all the way home. Therefore, we went to breakfast at our favorite brunch spot. Then we drove to the Charlotte Nature Museum for a special three-hour display of live farm animals, only to discover upon arriving at the empty parking lot that the event was yesterday and I had misread the newspaper announcement. John was so calm about the disappointment, especially in light of how we'd spent the whole drive there excitedly discussing what kind of farm animals we might see. Since the museum abutted Freedom Park, we walked around the park and the lake instead.
Chris and the children on the bridge while Mama's heart raced that one of the children would fall in
We came back to the house and Mary went down for her nap. Chris decided to take John to visit their first-ever "sprayground."First Vegetable Harvest
Saturday, June 19, 2010
What Am I In For?
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Digging Spot
Thursday, June 17, 2010
California Day 14
On Wednesday we travelled home. (You can see me, wearing Mary, in the window's reflection.) I don't know what I'd do without a helper, as Neil dropped off me and the children with some luggage, parked the car, brought the rest of the luggage, and we ferried it in to be checked.
After checking our luggage, we were quite early, so we waited downstairs with Neil for a while.
Above is a (mis)representative moment of the children being peaceful and sweet for a moment on the plane ride. Now, several fellow travelers on both legs of the flight approached me to say how well the children had behaved, so I suppose they're not in conspiracy to lie to me. However, it took a tremendous amount of parent work and the moment above was the only moment the children were actually sitting on their bottoms, in their seats, quietly entertaining themselves. Many parents know better than me how to travel with littles, but I'll share a couple of ideas for my friends who have been asking for them. When John was repeatedly misbehaving with his hands on the flight, I (repeatedly) put his hands into time-out. I gripped his hands together and told him he needed to give me a good, quiet, hand time-out (instead of struggling and shouting) before I'd let go. Then I'd count while he was quiet and then I'd let go. I also put him into a "hug time out" once, which was something I saw Chris invent. It's not meant to be fuzzy wuzzy, but it particularly works when John needs resettling from being rambunctious. Where else could I send him while on the plane? I brought him onto my lap, hugged him, and would not let go. He's not a snuggly boy, so this is a punishment. I told him I wouldn't let go while he kept fighting me and protesting, that he had to be quiet for a while, so finally he was.
When Chris picked us up at home, John hugged him, like this, head on shoulder, for probably 20 minutes. When I sunk myself into our van, with Chris to drive us home, I remarked, "Now marks the moment when I no longer have to be in charge all the time." What a relief!