Manners

There was a very sweet moment at breakfast today, one of those nice moments that makes up for the many ratty moments in childhood.

You see, when John was maybe two-and-a-half, we began suggesting that he say, "Thank you, Mama, for making dinner," at the dinner table. It was never a big deal, but after we suggested it a few times, he picked it up easily. Now he thanks me at every dinner, sometimes twice, and often at breakfast and lunch (which he also calls "dinner"). I really enjoy that. His gratitude for my "cooking" helps make up for the fact that he lives on about four foods, but that is another story.

This morning we were eating breakfast at a restaurant. John was munching away and then said to me, "Mama, the waiter [sic] is going to come back and I am going to tell her, 'Thank you for making dinner' [sic]."

And John did it!

The Concept of Death

[EDIT: I realized I left out part of the story, so have added it in red.]

John is slowly developing the concept of death. We're not trying to teach this purposefully, but it comes up gradually. Until now, he has been exposed to the idea only because of seeing "a dead bug" or "a dead squirrel." John has asked for months, "What is dead?" I always answered, "Death is when the soul separates from the body." That answer satisfied him ("Oh, okay!") and he didn't ask further. Only a few days ago did John ask me, "What is a soul?" Then I realized I wasn't prepared and I stumbled through a lame answer like, "A soul is something God gives you and that is inside of you. Everyone has a soul." And that satisfied him, buying me time to go look up definitions of soul and distill them down to a three-year-old's level (which I still have to do--"Baltimore Catechism," here I come!).

I could tell for a long time that he thought something was always alive or always had been dead: that dead bug had always been a dead bug. I didn't bother trying to explain otherwise.

A key moment in his learning came with a story from Grandmom about how she had once seen a bird fly into a window and fall to the ground dead. Since then John has repeated that story to me many times. I think he was working it out in his brain: the bird was flying (alive) and then fell down (was dead).

In the last couple of days, he has been trying out the word "dying" and misapplying it. For example, this morning Mary knocked over her cup of water and it fell on the ground, spilling everyone. John was adamant that the cup was "dying." Then he began talking about dead bugs, at which point he said his more profound statement yet on death:

"Sometimes bugs die and sometimes people die."

All I did was reply, "Yes, sometimes bugs die and sometimes people die." He asked no further questions, so that's where we left it. I find it so interesting to watch the development of this concept!

Christmas Day 2009

This was the first year John had much of a clue about Christmas happenings. When he woke up (late, from sleeping in after attending Midnight Mass), we told him there were presents downstairs under the Christmas tree. He scampered down, pausing to kiss the Baby Jesus doll and put him finally in the manger of the nativity scene.

A new fireman's hat (after the last two broke)!

Mary discovering candy canes

Wal-Mart had a pair of real measuring tapes--one big, one miniature--on sale for three dollars! Now John can have his own and won't always be asking for Daddy's measuring tape, which he then loses and Daddy can't find when he needs it.

When John was 12 months old at Christmas, he participated in opening gifts, albeit slowly. Miss Mary didn't care about opening gifts and did not participate--maybe because there was so much activity around her, she could just race from one person to another, seeing what they were doing.

Mary treasured those candy canes.

No sooner would we take one away (because it had shattered and become chokable) that she'd find another one somewhere.

After opening stockings and a few gifts, we paused for breakfast. I served store-bought cinnamon rolls and Amish breakfast casserole (which I highly recommend--be sure to fry the bacon before mixing it in) (and plain toast for John, of course).

For this special occasion, I let the children drink out of their silver cups, which they thought was fantastic. (And I gave Mary one of my silver cups, which reminded me that she doesn't have her own yet.)

Pausing the gift-opening to play

Thanks for the AquaDoodle, Aunt Beezee!

The xylophone was a big hit. Thanks Grandpa!

For dinner I served balsamic vinnaigrette chicken with sun dried tomatoes and goat cheese, lentil-and-brocolli quiche (I won't repeat that recipe), and mashed potatoes (and for John--boxed macaroni and cheese, of course). Afterward I served a birthday cake for Jesus. I know that sometimes these mothers' blog posts (mine and others) make the home life look idyllic. We moms should always remember that no home life is idyllic. For example, after I worked hard all day, and specifically after I went to all that effort to bake a birthday cake for Jesus, to give a bold visual cue to my three-year-old that today was about Jesus' birthday, he chanted, "I don't like cake! I don't like cake!" And I shouldn't care that my weird little boy doesn't like cake (I've finally recognized that he really doesn't), but I almost burst into tears because I went to effort just for him and he rejected it. Instead, I sucked it up, reminded him calmly that he wasn't speaking politely, and told him he could say, "I don't prefer cake" and have ice cream instead (which he did).

All in all, it was a successful and enjoyable Christmas Day!

Christmas Eve Night

Just so nobody wonders, I am not posting this blog while neglecting my family on Christmas morning. They are all still sleeping and I have been awake for a long time because, as my sisters-in-insomnia know, wakefulness strikes even when one has gone to Midnight Mass.

John has shown much interest in our nativity scene in the last month. Often he queries me yet again on who this person is and who that person. Yesterday he noted once again that Baby Jesus was not in the manger. I said I wouldn't put him in there until his birthday the next day. Apparently John thought that I didn't have a Baby Jesus, instead of that I was waiting to put him out. John said, "I know! I have an idea!" He ran upstairs to his bedroom where he got the Baby Jesus out of his Playmobile nativity scene that his uncle and aunt gave him for his birthday. He rushed down, put the figure in the manager, and declared, "There! That should be good!"

Christmas Eve dinner was a simple affair for our little family: baked ziti, peas, and store-bought rolls. Here John shows you a piece of pasta. Dinner was meatless because Chris learned that Christmas Eve was traditionally a day of fasting and abstinence.

We purchased luminaries this year from the local Boy Scout troop. In theory, all the neighbors are supposed to put out luminaries lining our front yards so that, when people drive around to see Christmas lights, it is that much more festive. But few people did it, so it was mostly just a $6 donation to the Boy Scouts, which is okay too! John got a major thrill from scooping the sand into the paper bags and watching Daddy light candles inside them--all while outside in the dark!

Now the table is set in festive manner, I am cooking breakfast, and the tree and stockings are ready, as above, for the sweet children to wake up!

Merry Christmas to all!

Mary Dances

Mary has begun dancing! She loves to dance and will even start grooving as her brother sings. Here she and John were watching a Catholic video about Christmas.

Keen Observations

I was startled and impressed today with John remembering something. We had the great pleasure of attending the ordination to the diaconate of Mr. Lucas Rossi on Tuesday. I had stood at the back doing the mother's sway-and-bop with Mary the entire time while Chris and John sat in the pews. Apparently Chris explained to John one time what was happening as Mr. Rossi laid prostrate in humility, made his vows, and the bishop laid hands on him.

So today at nap time, John asked me to tell him the story again of St. Nicholas. I began by saying that once upon a time there was a bishop named Nicholas. John leapt in, as he is wont to do, and said, "He was just like our bishop, Bishop Jugis! He had a miter! And he had a shepherd's crook!" Yes, yes, I confirmed. Then John said, "Remember at Mass? Remember when Bishop Jugis laid his hands on Mr. Rossi? And when the bishop laid his hands on him, that is when Mr. Rossi became Deacon Rossi!"

Coming out of the mouth of a brand new three-year-old, my jaw fell open (which is the same reaction Chris had when I relayed the story to him). Probably I just don't know three-year-old capabilities very well, but I was so tickled that John quietly paid attention (during a two-hour Mass!) and remembered such an amazing moment.

Christmas Eve

Do you notice what is conspicuously absent from the bottom third of the Christmas tree? After a few days, even sweet-tempered Mary realized what a fun game it was to take ornaments off the tree, so they've slowly been moved higher and higher. I might not win any awards from Martha Stewart, but that is okay.

I am as ready as I can be for Christmas, and it is surprising how much work goes into even a simple and modest Christmas. I sent out the last of the Christmas cards today. Yesterday I finished wrapping the gifts, made the meal plan, and went grocery shopping. Tonight I think we are actually trying to take the children to Midnight Mass.

John keeps asking with excitement if Baby Jesus is going to come tomorrow for his birthday. We've done such a good job emphasizing that Christmas celebrates Baby Jesus' birthday, I hope the little one isn't in for disappointment when a baby doesn't actually show up in the flesh, but simply in our hearts (as we've tried to explain).

Cute Girl at 13 Months Old

Love this hand-me-down clothing!

Mama's Propoganda

I came home from the grocery store to find John watching a television show while Chris did some work. After "Curious George" ended, John said, "I'm going to turn this off now. Too much TV is bad for my soul."

Happy to see that some of my propoganda is working!

(And lest you get a mistakenly good impression, John spends most of his time begging to watch television shows.)

Fairness

This morning, for the first time ever, John shouted at Chris, "That's not fair!" and he stormed off to hide in the closet. That is until Chris got him out and put him into the time out corner.

Ah, the backtalk begins! Fun times!

Big Brother Babyproofing

Chris recently replaced the baby gate, as stylish as it was, with these handsome copper-colored fireplace doors. It took Mary two days to figure out how to open them, so Big Brother decided to invent a babyproofing device (made cleverly of three pieces of tape) "to keep Mary out!" Here John "smiles" (as it were) at his accomplishment.

First Overnight Away

I didn't post this at the time, but thought I'd write here for those who didn't hear the news: John spent his first night away from me! He was three years and 14 days old, but who's counting?

The event was rather last-minute in nature, as Pop-Pops had had unexpected surgery and Chris thought it would be a really nice idea to buzz down to Atlanta to cheer up his dad. And it would be an even more cheerful visit if he could take John with him. I couldn't disagree with him there. We talked and talked and I sighed and we asked John about it . . . and it was all of 30 minutes between the proposal of the idea and my loading my husband and firstborn into the car to leave.

I packed John's Lambie (a transitional object he used from about 18 months to 2-1/2, but hasn't had need for since), the tee-shirt I had been sleeping in, a love note for John, and a gift for his baptismal anniversary which he would now be waking up to in Atlanta. And I cried. (But not in front of John.)

The end of the story is that John did well. He woke up the next morning and said that he wanted to go home to see Mama, which was good timing since Chris was going to be bringing them home anyway. I tried to enjoy my nearly 24 hours of freedom, but I still had my 13-month-old with me and it's amazing how much her big brother occupies her! Without John here and with Mary in a mysteriously bad mood, I could not so much as watch junk TV, play on the Internet, or read my book! So much for that!

I'm glad John did well away, but I can assure anybody who is wondering that Chris and I are nowhere near ready to let the little guy spend the night away from both of us!

Snow in Boone

On Sunday after Mass we spontaneously decided to take the kids to see snow in Boone, NC. (When we got there, we met a family from Florida that was seeing snow for the first time in their lives, which was so fun.)

We found a greenway that was a good spot for snow play.

The kids had fun but were not entirely sure about sledding.

Worried expressions!

Triumph!

The best "snow gear" I could put together with a half hour's notice

When Mary would fall down, she wouldn't cry out, but would just hold still like this until help arrived.

Enjoying dinner in dry clothing on our drive home

Who's On First?

John always needs me to kiss his ouchies, no matter how small. Even if it's a minor bump or jostle, John calmly pauses his play, dashes to me, requests a kiss (which I give perfunctorily), then dashes away. This morning's scene:

John: "Mama, I need you to kiss it!"

Katherine: "Sure, but I'm eating my breakfast, so you can come in the kitchen."

John comes rushing in and presents his back to me.

Katherine: "Where is it?"

John: "It's on my bump." Katherine kisses his head.

John: "No, it's on my bump!"

Katherine: "Your bum? Okay." Katherine is grateful that John easily accepts if she kisses her hand and then pats her hand on his ouchie for those ouchies in more indelicate locations.

John: "No, not my bum! My bump!"

Katherine: "The back of you knee?" Kisses it.

John: "No, my bump!"

Katherine: "What on earth is your bump?"

John: "Here!" Points to his heel.

Katherine: "Oh, okay." Kisses it. "That is your heel."

John: "Right! It will heal."

Katherine: "No, that's your heel."

John: "Right, it will heal! Thanks!"

Preschooler Chores

Tonight John set the table all by himself and I was so tickled, I almost cried!

I'd be interested to hear about the experiences of other mothers helping their preschoolers take on chores. With my melancholic temperament (read: I am a perfectionist), it would be very easy for me to become a slave to my children, doing all the chores for them because I can do them better, faster, and just how I want. I am trying hard to avoid falling into that trap!

Searching on the Internet results in various interesting lists of what might be age-appropriate chores for children. At newly three, I'm interested in John helping by:

** turning on the Christmas tree lights each morning
** holding the bowl up while I pour the cat's food
** putting away the clean utensils
** setting the table (utensils, napkins)
** taking his dirty plate from the table to the counter
** wiping the table of crumbs after dinner
** picking up toys
** putting his own dirty clothing into the hamper
** cleaning up his own purposefully/carelessly made messes (e.g., if he throws food on the floor, I'm not going to be the one cleaning it up)
** maybe starting to help with some real food preparation? chopping foods? (he already often helps me bake)


Right now, John helps with some things, but my real conundrum is how to pique his interest and get him to adopt chores as his own responsibility without setting up new battlegrounds. John has been helping me with tasks for the last year or so, but he helps only when he is interested, often for as long as the task is novel, but no longer. I've been avoiding setting up more battlegrounds: meaning, I invite him to help, if he does, that's great, if not, no big deal. But I'd like to move beyond that practice so that he really does need to start helping consistently.

Sometimes I can cleverly obtain his cooperation. For example, recently he began repeatedly taking our paper napkins and spreading them on the stairway. (Yeah, so sanitary.) Besides putting a stop to that behavior, I decided to channel the behavior by suggesting that John be "in charge" of setting napkins on the table at mealtimes. He is so excited to be "in charge" and to count the numbers ("three napkins, one for Daddy, one for Mama, one for John")! But when that loses its novelty, will he drop it like everything else?


Ideas, parents? When is it appropriate to use rewards (stickers, allowance, extra privileges)? What is the risk of teaching the child that he must do chores only for bribery? When is it appropriate to use punishment to force doing chores at this young age? With a boy who has an extremely strong will, I don't want to create new areas for conflict right now!

Wednesday of Gr. Neil's Visit

With the cold weather and drizzle, we were a bit limited in what we could do on the first day I haven't been actively "fluish." Today we took the train downtown!

After visiting the exciting downtown children's library (where we arrived in time for story time), we got ice cream.

Grampa Neil has given the kids some very sweet gifties on this trip, including this wooden slide whistle and a wooden egg that one shakes as a percussion instrument.

Day three of Grampa Neil's visit: Mary calmly lets him hold her!

After dinner we dressed the kids in pajamas in case they fell asleep and went driving to look at Christmas lights. Unfortunately, we didn't have much luck finding good lights and it turns out that the most extensive lights we found were in our own neighborhood!

We Planted the Bean Sprouts

Grampa Neil Arrived!

Grampa Neil brought some delightful little gifts for John, like this map placemat on which John can draw and erase.

The Sickness that Swept Through Us

When I wrote last that we were on the mend from our sickness, apparently I was wrong! I had felt sick on Saturday, but in retrospect those symptoms were from exhaustion of caring for sickies all week and not sleeping at all for two nights straight (because of Mary being ill). Then I "recovered" and thought I had a mighty strong immune system! The (likely) flu really hit me (like a freight train) on Sunday night minutes before Chris left on a business trip and about 10 hours before my stepfather would be arriving from California! What a perfect storm! That was one scary night, being totally crippled by flu and caring for two little ones by myself. I was grateful to God that it hit me at night so the children were asleep most of the time, as opposed to my getting sick during the daytime. As it was, the sickness kept me awake all night, making three nights in a row without any sleep!

Praise God, now I really am on the mend. We all have the lingering cough that I hear lasts for weeks. The children have been totally knocked out by this illness. In the six days since John's fever ended and four days since Mary's ended, each child has taken four-hour naps daily, slept about twelve hours overnight, and has been begging to go to sleep for the night by 6:30 or 7:00 p.m.!

Christmas Decorations 2009

Today is Guadete Sunday: Rejoice! We're on the mend from our illness, so the Christmas decorations were put up today.

I want to make special mention of my Aunt Erica who is entering a new season of her life, so has bequeathed many family belongings to me over the last months. Chris jokes that she is secretly moving in with us one box at a time because of how many boxes have showed up at our doorstep! Erica has given me our family china, crystal, cut glass, silver, great-grandmother's handmade quilt, and some fine books. In addition, Auntie E has given me nearly her entire extensive Christmas decoration collection. We are so blessed! Truly, I have hardly bought any Christmas decorations in my life but I was given all my baby and childhood ornaments when I launched out on my own, some friends of ours downsizing homes gave us many Christmas wreaths, and now Erica has probably doubled our collection of ornaments. I festooned our house and probably put out half of what we now are blessed to own.

The nativity scene is in the dining room.

This little trio of trees contains Auntie E's "woodland creatures" collection of ornaments. We now have several additional small faux trees that I did not put up this year. I did not put out my collection of fruit and vegetable ornaments--called my "harvest tree." Chris told me he was glad I didn't put it out, so I cut him off sweetly and said, "Don't say anything too bad about my harvest tree because I'll put it out in future years!" He said, "Well, I just think it's corny." I replied, "Corny like the cornucopia ornament that is on my harvest tree?" Hardee har har!

We rearranged furniture for putting up the Christmas tree and we really are liking using the kids' train table as a coffee table. I think we'll keep it this way in future.

The tree! This year I put essentially non-breakable ornaments on the bottom third, cheap glass and durable glass ornaments on the middle third, and delicate ornaments on the top third. I thought that division would be obvious, but I think it turned out well. I am taking a real gamble this year by having our tree be totally accessible to the kids. I figure that at three, John is teachable and Mary, though one, is much more docile than John. Already she is behaving differently toward the ornaments than John did, so I hope I can teach her. Let the adventure begin!

This handmade tree skirt is also a gift of Auntie E. Her decades-long and very talented friend MaryJo sewed it.

This is the "religious tree," containing ornaments of nativity characters and saints.

Thank you to my husband for carrying ten boxes up and down the attic stairs!